Kids Need Consistency and Momma Needs Nap-Time

As a mom of four young children, I often have friends and family ask me how I do it.  Most of these kinds of questions usually come from my friends who are trying to adjust to life with one or two children.  It’s hard for them to even imagine how a mother of four balances life as a mother and wife, keeping up with housework, homeschooling the kids, keeping up with appointments and activities, taking time for yourself, making time for friends, and prioritizing your personal devotion time with The Lord!  Well, let me tell you…it’s not an easy feat regardless if you are a mother of one or ten!  A mom’s duties are never done and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. 

I obviously couldn’t raise four kids without Jesus!  He is constantly leading me in everything I do and He gives me the strength to keep going, even when I feel like I’m failing miserably.  I am also blessed with a husband who is very hands-on when he’s home and he’s always sure to make our family his priority.  I couldn't ask for a better teammate!!!   And have I told you that I also have the best family a girl could ask for!?  My children are blessed with the most helpful grandmas and grandpas and aunts and uncles!  I am forever grateful for all of their help!  It really does take a village to successfully raise children!  So when my friends and family tell me they don’t have any idea how I do it, I would need to make a long list of everyone and everything that make it possible.  However, my typical response is JESUS, FAMILY, and NAPTIME!   

I jokingly tell people that naptime is the only thing that keeps me sane, but it’s actually no joke at all!  Okay, maybe not the only thing...Jesus keeps me sane too, but only because I have naptime to really devote to Him!  From the moment I wake up, I am doing, doing, doing.  By mid-day, I’m exhausted and naptime allows me to take some time for myself and recharge.  That way, by the time my kids wake up, I am ready to go at it again until bedtime!  Honestly, if I didn’t have that time to recharge in the middle of the day, I would probably be cranky, emotional, and disorganized for the rest of the day!  Ugh!  I shudder at the mere thought of my kids getting too old for naptime! 

My kids are 8, 6, almost 4, and 2 years old.  When people find out that ALL of my kids go down for a nap/rest time every afternoon for 2+ hours, many people tell me I should write a book because they have no idea how that’s even possible.  Well, fortunately, there’s already a book and I know it works because I have used the methods with all of my children!  It’s called Baby Wise!  Although it’s a book that is geared towards infants, the concept behind the book has driven the way I parent.  The entire premise of the book is about creating a regular routine for your child so that they have a set, predictable schedule to follow.  Research shows that children who follow a regular routine are more content and feel more secure.  Routines also help kids develop self-discipline.   Research also shows that children who do not have a set routine tend to have more behavioral problems.

My husband and I were introduced to “Baby Wise” when I was pregnant with our first child.  Being a person who thrives on a schedule myself, the Baby Wise method really resonated with me and I was excited to try it.  I quickly learned that it was actually a very well-known practice among other moms and most of those I discussed it with had a very strong opinion about it one way or the other!  However, we quickly discovered that in conversing with the moms who loved it, they all had children that were great nappers and great sleepers, so we decided to stick with it and give it a whirl!  As new parents, we kind of felt like taking sleeping and schedule advice from parents who didn't have their kids on a regular napping routine or whose kids still slept with them or woke up all night is comparable to taking financial advice from people who are broke and in debt so we chose a method that had proven itself to be successful for other parents we knew.  Boy, am I glad we stuck with it!

Following the advice in this book, our babies have always been on great schedules and they have always been good nappers and sound night sleepers!  Many people tell us we are so lucky to have good sleepers because they tell us their children just don’t require that much sleep.  Having four kids that all have different personalities, strengths, and weaknesses, I have learned that “luck” really doesn’t have anything to do with our outcome.  In fact, we have had to be very diligent in our parenting in order to get the results that we desired, one of which happened to be having all four of our children nap at the same time every single day for at least two hours!  It’s not always easy, but as I said earlier…it’s necessary for momma! 

I know many children, if not most, stop napping somewhere around 2 or 3 years old.  My children on the other hand, have never been given the option to stop napping!  Out of my four children, three of them have gone through that stage where they decided they no longer needed or enjoyed naptime.  I’m guessing this would be the phase where most parents get tired of “fighting” their kids and after several days in a row or possibly weeks of their child crying, throwing fits, arguing that they aren’t tired, and getting up a dozen times or more after you have tucked them all nicely into bed, this would be when the parents finally throw in the towel and say enough is enough and they let their kids skip naptime.  I, on the other hand, was the mean momma who stuck to my guns and refused to let my toddler decide when he/she would rest.  It was a battle of wills, but I am happy to report that my children eventually learned that mom and dad’s response never changed no matter how hard they tried to get a different response.  We were consistent during those difficult phases.  There were days that I was so exhausted from fighting the same battle day after day after day, that I would literally just sit outside of their room and cry.  Yet, every time they opened that door and tried to come out of their room, my response never changed.  One of my kids learned quickly and it didn’t take long for the door to stop opening.  The other two were a little stronger willed and it took them longer to be trained.  One of those precious darlings just about pushed me over the edge.  We still tease her to this day that she was lucky to have made it to her third birthday!  She broke me many days, but with The Lord’s help, He finally broke her stubbornness and she eventually learned to obey whether she liked it or not and there came a time when she learned to stay in her bed quietly during nap time.

My children attended a preschool where they were required to have nap or quiet time in the afternoons for about 2 hours, so I was bound and determined to require it at home as well!  If they were capable of obeying the rules at school and laying down for a two-hour nap for their teacher, then why would I expect any less of them at home?  As someone who taught young kids, I learned long before I became a parent that kids will always rise to meet the standards of your expectations, so you better set them high.  

Once my oldest started Kindergarten, I no longer required her to nap at home.  She was six years old because we waited an extra year to put her in Kindergarten.  Since I still had three younger kids at home napping daily and the fact that Momma still needed her two hours of quiet time, my daughter was still required to have “down” time.  I no longer required her to lay down and take a nap in her room, but I did give her guidelines to follow.  She has a list of quiet activities that she is allowed to do during naptime and I am off limits when I’m in my room.  She is now eight years old and she still follows this routine and it’s my saving grace!  I have actually come to enjoy having her join me as I do my workouts during this time and she enjoys helping me finish up my housework, but once I go to my room for a break, she knows that’s her quiet time too.

My youngest child is my only child that has ever asked to go “night-night.”  Her little body just knows when it’s time for nap and bedtime because she almost always goes to her room, gets her blankie and pacifier and points to her crib and tells us “night-night.”  My other children would have never done such a thing.  In fact, if I had waited for a cue from them to let me know they were tired, they probably would have never napped or gone to bed before midnight!  They have always been full of energy.  However, as their mom, I know they need rest whether they act like it or not.  I have had them on a napping schedule since birth and they don’t know anything different.  When I lay them down, read them their story, and close their door, they just lay down until they go to sleep.  Most days it’s immediate and other days it may take them 20-30 minutes to fall asleep.  That’s okay though!  As long as they stay in their room quietly and rest their bodies, I’m not real worried if they are sleeping the entire 2 hours or not.  My 6-year-old may even stay awake a couple days a week, but she lays in her room quietly for 2 hours and rests.  I have never given them the option to stay up and play.  When parents don’t stick to a set routine, it’s easy for kids to begin thinking they have an option as to whether they want to nap or not and that’s when they begin to constantly question your decisions and argue with you when you do try to put them down for naps or early bedtime.  It’s important for parents to be consistent in their routine if you want to see consistent behavior in return from your children.  Kids need predictable schedules.  Sure, things come up and it’s okay to be flexible to some extent.  However, it’s important to plan your days around a scheduled naptime and bedtime.

As we entered the terrible twos stage with our second oldest and started getting some resistance on naptimes, we read a book called “Making the Terrible Twos Terrific.”  It had some great advice on how to correct undesirable behaviors in your children.  We used many of the methods in that book and saw great results.  Consistency is the key to successful parenting though.  I know there are moments when it doesn’t seem worth it because our children refuse to do what we want them to do, but be consistent anyway.  Don’t give in to their demands or desires.  God has equipped you with the wisdom that you need to parent your babies.  When your heart tells you they need that quiet time…or let’s be honest here, YOU need that quiet time…lean on that instinct and put it into practice whether your kids respond well to it or not.  Just be consistent in your efforts because you will eventually create a new habit.  It’s not always easy, but it does pay off! 

We have been given a huge responsibility!  God has entrusted us to guide, nurture, train, and impart Godly character into these little human beings and that’s hard to do when they were born with a sinful nature.  That’s why it takes consistency on our part to teach them that they must obey their parents even when their sinful desires tell them they don’t want to or need to.  The way we love them and correct them as children is often the first glimpse of how they will see Jesus.  If we let them have all of their fleshly desires as young children, they will never learn self-discipline as adults.  We need to focus on building Godly character traits rather than trying to raise happy kids.  Sure, our children may be easier to deal with when we let them skip naps and stay up late because they are getting their way.  However, is that really our goal in raising up this next generation?  Parenting is hard work, but having set routines and being consistent in our responses will help us as we have this assignment to raise up young boys and girls to do great and mighty things for the Kingdom of God!  To some, naptime might not have anything to do with raising up Godly kids.  But for me, it most certainly does.  How can I expect my kids to obey God in the big things if I can’t even get them to obey me in the little things?  

I hope today’s post will bring encouragement to those new moms and dads who may be navigating daily routines and schedules or possibly those moms and dads who are in the midst of the battle of wills.  Be consistent friends!  It will pay off!  I promise!!!  And for those of you who have completed your assignments and have successfully raised up God fearing, Jesus loving, obedient children who are full of the Fruits of the Spirit, please come along side of us younger moms and help pour into our children and offer us moms wisdom.  We need you!  I am no expert and I am still learning something new every single day, but I pray you will be encouraged and be willing to use this small nugget of wisdom to help you as you try to implement a daily routine and schedule naps.  Now, if someone feels lead to share their wisdom and insight on how to get your potty-trained son to stop having accidents in his sleep, I will take all the advice I can get!  Be blessed friends and to all of my mom friends reading this…give yourself a pat on the back because you are doing an amazing job!  Aren’t you glad God didn’t just call the qualified?  He, instead, qualifies the called!  If He called you to be a parent, trust me, He will equip you to do it well!  He may do that through His Word, through the Holy Spirit, or through the wisdom of others, so rest well my friend.  You are changing this world one child at a time!