Expectation vs. Reality...Encouragement for the New Homeschool Mom

As we all find ourselves homeschooling our children these days, I’d love to encourage you with some wise words that another homeschool mom encouraged me with during my first years of homeschooling.  

I love my children and I genuinely enjoy having them around.  Although not perfect, they are really good kids.  In the weeks and months leading up to homeschooling, I spent hours and even days planning, preparing, and imagining how our days would be structured. I imagined morning devotions around the breakfast table, long discussions about life and Biblical principles, everyone gathered around the table working quietly for a couple of hours a day, family walks with the dog, trips to the park, play time outside every day, everyone’s heads buried in good books, crafts and supplies spread out on the table, smiles and conversations about what we were learning about, trips to the library, surprise visits to Dad’s office, everyone pitching in to help with chores, life skills being learned, siblings building strong relationships and joyfully playing together, Mom having quiet afternoons to myself to read, scrapbook, or run errands, music lessons, worship music playing in the background, candles lit filing the house with wonderful aromas, and lots of baking taking place in the kitchen.  I had it all planned out and I was determined that all of the hard work would be worth it.

Then…life happened! Sure, there are days that look exactly like I had imagined and I’m so thankful for those days.  The good days are what keep me going.  But, I’m not gonna lie friends…there are hard days…really hard days.  I have cried, screamed, said things I regretted, doubted whether I was doing the right thing, threatened to send my kids back to school, imagined how “easy” life would be if I didn’t homeschool, had to ask my kids for forgiveness, questioned my abilities, admired from afar the lives of my other mom friends that spent their mornings at the gym and their afternoons having lunch dates with girlfriends or spouses and doing other fun things together while their kids were in school, and have been the best self-critic a girl could have!  I have seen my kids at their very best and I have seen them at their very worst.  There are days that my once compliant, obedient, loving, joyful, and respectful children have turned into whining, disobedient, rude, hateful, disrespectful, competitive, critical, and just downright rebellious punks!  Those are the days when I question it all!  I had prayed that God would use my time at home with my children to build character, impart Biblical truth in their hearts, and bring our family even closer together during these foundational years.  Honestly, if they learned to read and write, that was just going to be the icing on the cake.  I went into this with a mission to build spiritually mature warriors because I knew the enemy was after my seed and I wanted to teach them how to be alert to demonic forces, how to armor up and win spiritual battles, and equip them to be a light in a dark world!  

You can imagine my discouragement on the days that my kids had meltdowns like I had never seen before. Tears, tantrums, screaming, hitting, and ugly words.  There were days I felt like homeschooling my children was actually turning them into monsters!  There was one day in particular that I’ll never forget.  I was run down, beat up, discouraged, drained, exhausted, at my wits end, and ready to throw in the towel.  As someone who hates to be around “Debby Downers”, I rarely voice my frustrations with the world.  Not sure if it’s because my mama used to tell me, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” or if it’s because I know the power that our words have in the spiritual realm.  Whatever the reason, I tend to keep quiet about life’s problems and instead take my cares straight to the Lord.  However, this particular day, I turned to my community of homeschool moms and voiced my frustrations with them, shared with them my concerns about seeing such ugly character traits arising in my children, and confessed all of the doubts I was having.  Honestly, as soon as I sent the text, I regretted ever sending it because the enemy immediately filled my thoughts with all of the worst-case things they may think about me!  However, after only a few short minutes, a friend responded with what I believe was a word from the Lord, because it has forever changed my life.  Her words still play on repeat in my head on the hard days.  

I’d love to share her thoughts with you and I pray they encourage you as much as they have encouraged me.  I wish I had kept the text over the years so I could copy word for word, but I’ll paraphrase the best I can.

Homeschooling is not for the weak.  It is hard…really hard.  Instead of looking at your situation through the lens of how life would be easier if you sent your kids back to school, begin to thank the Lord for this opportunity to see a glimpse into the heart of your child.  Sure, if they were gone for seven hours each day, you may not be the one that has to deal with those heart issues, but just because you don’t see them, doesn’t mean they aren’t there.  They are. And what a gift you have been given to deal with those issues in these foundational years.  Could you imagine if those heart issues didn’t surface until they were teenagers?!  It’s hard to see the ugly parts of your child’s heart, but our Heavenly Father has called you and equipped you to be your children’s parent.  He has called and equipped you to teach them, train them, and educate them.  He longs for their heart and He is using YOU to reach the places of their heart that are not completely surrendered to Him.  What a gift you have been given.  Don’t be discouraged when you see the ugly parts of their heart surface. Be thankful for the opportunity to impart truth, show grace, and pray fervently for your child.  If you send them back to school, it may not be your problem anymore, but I can guarantee you, no one will take the time to win your child’s heart like you will.  No one. 

I pray you have more good days than bad, but on those hard days…let these words be on repeat in your thoughts and prayers.  You can do this!  You are equipped!  And friend, you have been chosen for such a time as this!  Love you, praying for you, and I’m hear for you if you need me!

Too Many Devotions and Not Enough Bread

Earlier this year, my daughter came to me and told me she really felt lead to read the entire Bible through in one year.  She was so eager to study God's Word and her discipline to read her Bible every single day has been inspiring.  As we saw her love for God's Word grow, we also introduced her to the YouVersion Bible app, which is an amazing Bible Study resource that I only wish I had as a child!  So, in addition to her Bible in a year plan, she also decided to start a devotion with her cousins, a mother daughter devotion with me, and then we do a family devotion together every night as well...all of which are amazing.

She came to me this weekend and explained that since she has started so many devotions with her family, it's harder to keep up with all of her Bible reading, so she was asking for my permission to quit the Bible in a year plan.  I explained to her how proud I was of her for developing a daily routine of spending time reading and studying God’s Word, but that she would need to pray and make that decision based on what she felt the Lord was leading her to do. 

In our conversation, I told her that the Lord is clear that we need to renew our minds in His Word every single day and feed our hearts and minds with His "Daily Bread", but that He doesn't tell us how much of His Word we should read everyday, so that was something she should pray about and ask Him for answers.  I felt prompted to explain to her that all of the devotions she has been reading are excellent tools to study scripture, but she needed to keep in mind that those devotions are typically about 5 minutes worth of man's interpretations and only one isolated scripture of Bible reading.  If she completes all 3-4 of her devotions, she is gaining some great insight into God's Word, but it is all open to human error since it's taught out of context and it is man's interpretation.  I suggested to her that it may be better to read God's Word 5-10 minutes every single day and forego the topical devotions if it was too much to keep up with because when we read the Word of God in full context, the Holy Spirit will bring fresh understanding and revelation to our hearts and minds.  Ultimately, I told her I would support whatever decision she felt lead to make because I love seeing her growing in God's Word!  

As I have reflected on that conversation, it made me recall a comment that one of our Sunday school teachers made a while back.  In addition to being a psychologist and theologian, he is also a college professor.  After teaching Bible courses to students from all over the world, he discovered that the majority of self-proclaimed Christians are Bible illiterates…I would totally include myself in this category!  After much research, he discovered that for the majority of Christians, their entire faith revolves around the 3 point sermons taught on Sundays that focus on one isolated scripture, often taught out of context.  

Do the math.  There are 52 Sundays in a year.  Let’s just say that if a person didn’t miss a Sunday sermon, by the time they are 20 years old, they will have only heard 1,040 sermons by the time they leave the nest.  Assuming they stay in church for the remainder of their lives, they would only hear approximately 5,200 scriptural teachings if they live to be 100 years old...and we all know many of those sermons are repeat teachings on the same scriptures!  Let’s just say they also did daily topical devotions that focused in on a different scripture each day.  365 devotions every year over the course of 20 years would still only be 7,300 scriptures read.  Over a 100 year lifetime, doing daily devotions would expose you to about 36,500 scriptures, but again, we know that many of those are repeat teachings so our exposure is actually less than that.  That sounds like a lot of scriptures, but there are a total of 31,102 verses in the Bible!!!  I can see how studying one scripture at a time is giving us (those of us who have grown up in church all of our lives) a false sense of knowing God’s Word, when in reality we are missing so much truth.  

God’s Word says my people perish because of a lack of knowledge.  I don’t know about you, but I want to teach my children habits that will set them up for success!  If I know a lack of knowledge will cause them to perish, I want to use the 20 years that I have influence on them to teach them as much of the Word as I can.  Just imagine the power of reading 31,000 scriptures every year for the next 10 years...that's 310,000 scriptures that are alive and active being planted into your heart and mind!  

So, how will I study the Bible moving forward and how will I teach my children to study God's Word?  Are we gaining all of our knowledge of God's Word through other people's interpretations and by studying isolated scriptures?  Don't get me wrong...I have gained great insight and have learned SO much through great Bible teachers, books, devotions, and Bible studies.  However, I wonder how much more we would know Jesus and how much more victory we would have in our lives if we prayerfully opened up the Bible and read the living and active Word of God for ourselves.  Just something I have been convicted of over this weekend.  I don't think we need to toss out all of our devotions, but I pray you are challenged to seek the Lord and ask Him to give you personal understanding and revelations as you open your Bible and read the living and active Word of God for yourself.  The Holy Spirit is and will always be our best teacher.  

My Toxic Thoughts and Habits of 2019

Happy New Year friends!!! 

As I reflected all day (yesterday) on 2019, I have experienced a flood of emotions!  Trials, Peace, and Faithful…those are the words that come to mind to describe my year.  Our family has faced many trials this year in our health, yet through it all, we experienced God’s peace and His presence like never before.  Tears flow as I think about the goodness of God.  It’s hard to find words to describe.  I have walked out this year in the kind of peace that the Bible describes as “peace that passes all understanding.”  However, today, it’s as if I am experiencing the raw emotions of all that we faced for the first time…months later!  How does that even happen!?  I don’t know if it’s just the enemy trying to stir up anxiety or if I have suppressed these emotions all year long without even realizing it, but today has been hard.  It’s almost as if the Lord peeled back a mask that has been covering up thoughts and emotions and He exposed things I wasn’t even aware of.  Here’s what I have learned…

As most of you know, we came so close to losing my sweet mom earlier this year.  It’s a miracle that she survived.  From the moment that my Dad called me that afternoon on April 18^th, it has literally felt like I have had an out of body experience. Nothing about that day or weeks following felt normal.  You guys know that my mom is a pillar in our family.  She has many roles in my life, but to just list a few…mom, friend, helper, encourager, advisor, counselor, babysitter, intercessor, cheerleader, giver, listener, teacher, leader, and hero…yeah, I know that’s more than a few, but those all make the top of the list!  To have come so close to losing all of those roles in my life, you would expect my “normal” reaction would have been to fall apart and be beside myself!  However, because of God’s tangible presence, I was so calm…so confident in His Word and promises…and so far removed from the reality of the circumstances.  

In the weeks and months following her miracle, there were fearful and anxious thoughts that would try to creep into my mind, but I recognized that knock and replaced those thoughts with truth and God’s Word.  I refused to dwell on the “what if’s” because I’ve been there, done that, and it kept me in bondage for years!  I wasn’t about to allow Satan to take me there again.  Again, peace covered me.  Although the Lord was faithful to give me peace in those hard and difficult situations, He showed me today some toxic thought patterns and habits that I unknowingly took on this year and as I have faced these realities head on today, I have experienced a rollercoaster of emotions!  

Here are a couple of the toxic thought patterns and habits that I adopted this year without even being aware of it fully until today:

1.    We are not guaranteed tomorrow, so live today like it’s your last.  

2.    Invest in the relationships that matter

Those sure didn’t seem like toxic thoughts when I had them earlier this year, but unfortunately, after having time to reflect on how those thoughts impacted my living this year, they were very toxic.  

For the past 3 years, I have been on a journey to improving my health.  Over 3 years, I have lost nearly 100lbs.  This year, I gained 30 of those lbs. back.  When I was working on my health, I had to learn to say no to the things that would stunt my progress.  There were times I felt isolated, lonely, and felt like I was missing out.  When I almost lost my mom this year, I was so thankful that the Lord spared her life.  I didn’t want to miss out on another opportunity to spend time with her, fellowship with her, or enjoy her company.  Life seemed so precious to me and I wanted to live life to the fullest.  I felt compelled to invest more time with not only her, but with all of my loved ones and friends.   I found myself reaching out more often to friends and family members and taking the time to get together more frequently.  And you know what…in the world we live in, fellowship = food!  This year, I can truly tell you my heart is full from the movie dates, brunch dates, lunch dates, dinner dates, vacations, adventures, play dates, road trips, Bible studies, connect nights, parties, date nights with my husband, and day dates with the kids. I genuinely invested time into the relationships that matter in my life.  Unfortunately, my heart wasn’t the only thing full…so was my belly!  Somewhere along my journey to cherishing life, I forgot to cherish my health. 

This year, with the Lord’s help, I am going to try to learn how to balance a healthy lifestyle with a happy and fulfilled life.  I don’t want to sacrifice my relationships for my health, nor do I want to sacrifice my health for relationships.  Surely, there is a happy and healthy place in the middle!  I am so thankful for all that the Lord did in 2019 and I am grateful that He allowed me to walk into the new year with fresh revelation.  I know He has more good things in store for our family this year and I’m grateful to have Him walking me through it day by day. 

As we begin a new year, I want you to know that I love you and I am praying blessings over you and your family in 2020!  May this be a year of fulfilled promises in your life!  God bless you all!  Love and Hugs!  Here’s to a new year and a new healthier me!