Be Careful What You Pray For

I feel like I should begin this post with a warning…”BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PRAY FOR!”

Recently, I started reading John Bevere’s book titled “Good or God?”  I had heard wonderful reviews from my friends who had studied it both in a small group setting or had read it on their own so I was so excited when my church chose this book for our first Women’s Bible Study this year! I had more than one friend tell me this book was “life-changing”, so you could imagine how thrilled I was the first time I was able to curl up on the couch, all snuggled in with my blanket, feet propped up on my husband’s lap as he played video games one evening, ready to devour this book.  Well, let me tell you something for anyone interested in this book…it’s not meant to devour!  This book is filled with so much meat, so you will need to dissect it just one piece at a time!  I need to tell you a little about this book in order to lay some groundwork for why I’m writing this blog post today.  For those of you who want to read this, it’s going to sound like I’m telling you everything about this book, but in reality, everything I share is actually taken from just the first two chapters of the book!  I’m telling you…this book will rock your world!  There is so much more you will get from this book, so I encourage everyone to go get your copy to read!

Proverbs 14:12 tells us “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.”

This verse sums up the entire premise of the book.  This portion of scripture particularly stood out to me when I read it considering the climate of our world today.  There are so many “good” people who are doing things, supporting causes, and sharing things on social media that sound good and seem right, but if you test them to scripture, we can know that these ways will lead to death…an eternal death.  As I continued reading the first chapter, I was reminded how important discernment is in determining what is truly good and what is truly evil!  It’s always easier to recognize when other people are being deceived, but it takes discernment to recognize it in our own lives. 

James 1:16-17 says, “So don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters.  Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father…”

One other version reads, “Do not be deceived…”.  Here’s the thing about deception…it’s deceiving!

John Bevere used this portion of scripture to reveal that everything good and perfect IS from God.  In other words, no matter how good it sounds, how much it makes sense to our human minds, no matter how desirable it may be...if it is not of God, we can be assured that it is NOT good!  He went on to say something that still makes my jaw drop because even though I have been in church my entire life and studied God’s Word intently, I had never heard this portion of scripture broken down and explained so well before.    

Listen to this carefully…”It wasn’t the evil side of the tree of knowledge of good and evil that Eve was drawn to in the Garden of Eden, it was the good side.”

“When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate.” Genesis 3:6

When the Lord revealed this truth to John Bevere through scripture, he said his jaw dropped too and then the Spirit of God said to him, “There is a good that is not of Me.  It is not submitted to Me.”

Guys, when I read that, I literally said “Whoa!” aloud!  That was so profound to me.  As Christians, we aren’t drawn to those things that are blatantly evil.  We don’t want to rob banks, have orgies, or go to drug infested parties.  The enemy knows that, so just as the serpant enticed Eve to go directly against God’s authority and commands with what appeared to be something good, he is STILL doing the same thing with Christians today!  Seriously, ya’ll!  That will preach!  I had an eyes wide open moment in my living room when I read this!!!

Eve was in a perfect environment, never having been abused or mistreated.  She literally was in the presence of God every single day enjoying His many blessings, His overwhelming goodness, yet Satan was able to use a serpent to cause Eve to question God’s nature by convincing her that God was keeping something good from her that could benefit her!  If the enemy can deceive someone who literally communed with God daily and lived in a perfect environment, how much easier are we likely to do the same being that we live in a fallen world filled with offense, corruption, perversion, and deceit!?   Well, John Bevere went on a mission to find out how this devil-possessed serpent could get Eve to turn on God in a perfect environment because if we know his tactics, we won’t so easily fall prey to deception and disobedience to God.  What he discovered and shared in this book was eye-opening!

I’ll try to paraphrase but it’s all so good, it’s hard to leave anything out!  He pointed out that it was no coindidence that Satan targeted Eve.  You see, God gave a clear directive to Adam that he could eat the fruit of any tree in the garden, except the tree that gives knowledge of what is good and what is bad.  God told Adam he must not eat the fruit of that tree or he would die the same day. (Genesis 2:16-17).  Now, we don’t know how long it was after God revealed that to Adam, but at some point Adam communicated that to Eve.  When the serpent approached Eve, he said to her, “Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden?” Genesis 3:1.  His objective was to sway Eve from godly wisdom and his cleverly crafted question enticed Eve to momentarily lose sight of the numerous amount of fruit available to her and he redirected her focus to the single one withheld.  Eve quickly responded to the snake:

“We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden, but of the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said ‘You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.” Genesis 3:2-3

John Bevere points out the inaccuracy of Eve’s reply.  God never said anything about not touching the fruit of the tree.  That may seem insignificant, but it gives us a clue as to why the serpent targeted her and not Adam.  Eve was not on the scene when The Lord revealed that knowledge to Adam.  Instead, that knowledge was later communicated to her. 

He went on to give another example of revealed knowledge versus communicated knowledge.  “One day Jesus asked His disciples, ‘Who do men say that I, the Son of Man, am?’ (Matthew 16:13)  One by one, the disciples listed all they had heard from others: a resuurected John the Baptist, Elijah, Jeremiah, or one of the other prophets –those were some of the reports these men had heard through their days’ version of Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and blogs.  Once Jesus got past what they’d discovered through communicated knowledge, He then questioned, ‘But who do you say that I am?’  The disciples stood paralyzed with no response!  Peter finally blurted out, ‘You are the Christ, the Son of the living God’ (verse 16).  Jesus responded, ‘Flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven’ (verse 17).  Peter wasn’t mimicking information from what he’d read online or seen randomly in someone’s magazine article!  He was sharing truth God had imparted directly to him.  Jesus then declared that this type of revelation knowledge is what the church would be built on and that hell’s forces could not stop those who possessed it.  On the contrary, hell’s forces can more easily deceive those who only possess communicated knowledge.”

Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren.” James 1:16

Friends, this revelation from scripture punched me in the gut and I’m not sure I have recovered yet!  I stopped reading for the night and simply prayed this prayer.

“God, if there is anything in my life that seems good, but is not of you, expose it so that I can submit it to you and ask for forgiveness.  Amen”

I truly meant that prayer.  I desire to please God.  I read my Bible, I pray and seek His Will daily, but I know I am human and I make mistakes.  I honestly wanted God to expose any areas in my life that I had been deceived.  And do you know what?  He did. 

I have been under such conviction this week because The Lord has exposed some things in my life and in my heart that seemed right at the time, but that actually leads to death.  I would like to share. 

Last weekend, after watching the news and coverage of the “Women’s Rights March”, I was left feeling so confused about the entire movement.  I made a post on my Facebook page asking my friends to explain what rights these women felt like they didn’t have or were afraid of losing.  That post opened up a very respectful conversation with several friends which I appreciated so very much.  During that conversation, the issue of abortion came up.  It is no surprise to anyone who knows me well that I am very pro-life!  I consider myself an advocate for the unborn and the very thought of abortion at any point in pregnancy can literally make my stomach turn and make me feel sick.  It has that strong of an effect on me.  However, somewhere in the conversations that resulted from my post, from a place of compassion to those women who have been raped, I made the comment that I would consider it a great victory for the fight to protect the unborn if abortions were only allowed in the case of rape, considering rape victims make up less than 3% of abortions.  Obviously, I would prefer no babies be aborted, but in an effort to find a reasonable compromise, I considered my statement to be a good thing because think of the millions of babies that would live and at the same time it gave these vulnerable women the choice because after all, I can’t even imagine what those women must be going through, finding themselves in that position not because of their own choice but because someone raped them. 

Well, remember that prayer I told you I prayed?  Well, I was awakened a couple of nights after I wrote that statement and I felt such conviction about it.  I knew that was God exposing those areas where I had been deceived.  I felt the Lord say to me in the most gentle way, “Mary, I did not reveal that to you.  That is something you have picked up along the way because of stories and opinions that have been communicated to you.  If you would go to My Word and seek My Will, you would see that these babies were fearfully and wonderfully made and I planned all the days of their lives before I even formed them.  I had plans to prosper them, plans not to harm them, but plans to give them a hope and a future.  Those are MY children whom I love dearly and who are you to say it’s a victory for some of my kids to live but not all?  Would you consider it a victory if only 3 out of your 4 children live?  Well, just as that idea pains you, it grieves me to hear you even suggest that and communicate that to your friends on social media.  Your words have weight and people are watching and listening to you.  Be careful that you don’t communicate knowledge that can lead to deception and disobedience to Me.”

Be careful what you pray friends.  I am so grateful that God exposed this to me even though the truth hurt…it still stings when I think about it.  After I looked at God’s Word and went to scripture about the subject of abortion, there’s nothing to debate.  It all goes back to that scripture I began with.

Proverbs 14:12  “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.”

Abortion is wrong.  Period.  It grieves the Lord.  It’s not our place to cast judgement on anyone, but as Christians it’s also not our place to use compassion as a tool to entice others to fall prey to deception and disobedience to God’s Word.  We need to be very careful in what we say and we need to test everything according to scripture.  I felt compelled to write this post in case my words lead anyone to think it’s okay to abort a child that was the product of sexual assault.  I don’t think it’s a coincidence that The Lord lead me to write this post on the day that millions are marching around the world in The March of Life, fighting to protect the lives of the unborn. 

Throughout Scripture, God affirms the value of every human life, from children in the womb to the elderly.  Let these Bible verses inspire you today about how valuable life is in the eyes of our Creator. 

Psalm 139:13-16 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

Psalm 127:3-5 “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.  Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.  They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.”

Genesis 1:27 “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”

Job 31:15 “Did not he who made me in the womb make them?  Did not the same one form us both within our mothers?”

Psalm 22:10 “From birth I was cast on you; from my mother’s womb you have been my God.”

Isaiah 49:15 “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?  Though she may forget, I will not forget you!”

The Lord knows my heart and He knows that I would never advocate anyone having an abortion.  Yet, He revealed to me the power of communicated knowledge in the life of a believer.  Satan uses communicated knowledge to entice us to compromise our core beliefs and principles.  The limited communicated knowledge that I had about the vulnerable mindset of a woman who is a victim of sexual assault allowed me to make an exception in my heart and justify the need for an abortion and all out of a place of compassion.  Satan took a characteristic that appears to be good, and he has perverted my compassion to accomplish evil and bring death.  Lord, continue exposing those areas where I believe I am doing good, yet are not of You.  Help me test and approve everything I say and everything I do to Your Word.  If it's not of You, help me understand that it is not good...no matter how good it may appear.

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.”  Proverbs 14:12

Will You Be My Girlfriend? And So It Begins...

If you would have come across any one of my crayon boxes or spiral notebooks during my elementary and middle school years, I’m confident you would have found plenty of “I love ____” doodled all over the front of my supplies.  Depending on the year, the name changed and many years, there would have been names scratched out and new names added!  Reflecting back, I can remember having a boyfriend as young as first grade.  Granted, as a first grader, my "boyfriend" didn't even have the nerve to talk to me, but we giggled and looked away really fast every time we were caught glancing at each other in class.  I'm pretty sure that was the beginning of my obsession with boys and I honestly don’t remember NOT having a boyfriend after that!  As a parent now, it bothers me to see how desperate I was to have the attention of boys and how freely I let my heart feel for just anyone.  I find myself asking the question, “When is it appropriate to begin liking someone and at what age is it appropriate for my children to have a boyfriend or girlfriend?”  

I know I’m not alone.  When I was a first grade teacher, I saw it all the time even though I highly discouraged it.  I even had parents walk in for a conference or parent night asking their child to show them where their girlfriend or boyfriend sat!  It always surprised me that parents encouraged this at such a young age!  Now that my kids are that age, it really concerns me! 

When Myka was just four years old, she always came home from school eager to tell me all about her day at school.  I can still remember the time she told me about some boys at school who told her they wanted to marry her and be her boyfriend.  It definitely caught me by surprise that this was already beginning at four years old!  Out of all my children, Myka is the most observant and most inquiring.  Because of things she had seen or heard at school before this happened, we had already had several conversations about how she was too young to have a boyfriend, but that it was perfectly fine to have friends that were boys.  I just didn’t feel like it was a good idea for kids her age to even be thinking about a relationship until they were much older!  So being the “rule follower” that she is, she politely informed these boys that she wasn’t allowed to have boyfriends until she was older and life went on for everyone.  When she told me how she responded, I simply told her she handled that perfectly and that’s exactly what she should say if it happens again.  As we said our prayers that night with Myka, we thanked God for giving Myka the boldness to speak truth in love to her friends and we prayed for her future husband together.  We actually pray often for all of our children’s future spouse.  

Myka is now eight years old and the conversations continue with not only her, but our other children as well.  Obviously, as parents we want to make the best decisions for our children because we love them and we want God’s best for them.  We read countless number of books, blogs, and seek parenting advice from friends and family because we love our children and want the best for them!  However, the only instructional manual that we have to guarantee God’s best for them is The Word of God!  If I have learned anything since becoming a parent, it has been to pray for wisdom constantly and go to the Word to find out what God has to say on the matter! 

“If any of you lack wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5

Parenting is hard ya’ll!  The best advice I can give anyone, especially parents, is to go to God’s Word when you have questions!  What does His Word say about it?  As we have navigated certain things in our parenting journey, many times God’s Word is very direct and clear on the subject.  Other times, discernment is necessary.  I fully believe that what God calls us to do, He will fully equip us to do it well.  I have such peace in knowing that, especially when it comes to raising four children, who all have different personalities, strengths, and weaknesses.  He gives me what I need in order to raise each of my children according to His purpose!  As parents, we need to constantly be asking for wisdom and discernment when it comes to parenting.  It is absolutely necessary in our journey!

As a four year old girl, Myka was quick to accept my explanation that she was too young to have a boyfriend.  However, as she is getting older, there are more questions.  She is human and beginning to experience feelings that are completely normal!  She is trying to make sense of what she feels and work through those feelings based on what her parents have taught her and what she knows about God’s Word.  As parents we can’t simply ignore or dismiss the actions of our children so long as they are “innocent”.  We need to be starting the conversation as our children grow, teaching them along the way.  If we wait until a boundary has been crossed that we deem inappropriate or that makes us uncomfortable, that’s too late.  We live in a culture where relationships are looked at so casually.  I pray often that The Lord would give me wisdom and lead me in those conversations that will help instill Biblical values when it comes to relationships for my children.  In order to do that, I also need to find out what God’s Word says about relationships! 

When Myka was six years old, I noticed a friendship developing with a little boy at school.  Although, there was never any mention of the relationship being a “boyfriend”, I was fully aware that she became giddy when talking about him.  I would catch myself glancing over at my husband giving him the look that asked him, "Is this a big deal? Do we need to address it?  Ignore it?  Encourage it?  Wait and see what comes of it?"  I just felt she was way too young to be getting so giddy over a boy.  We talk often about our day and we ask questions that provoke more than yes or no questions.  We began to read between the lines as she spoke of her friend.  It goes back to discernment.  Although I knew these kids are young and completely innocent, I sensed it was time to talk to Myka once again about guarding her heart and not allowing her heart to cross over the line of friendship to something more.  This time, I went to the Bible to get some guidance before I sat down and talked to her.  Unfortunately, there wasn’t any verse that said, “Do not allow your children to have a boyfriend or girlfriend until at least 16 years old!”  No, I had to dig deeper.  I desired to find out if I was overreacting as a parent or were my concerns actually an inner witness from the Holy Spirit.  I asked God for wisdom and went to His Word for guidance.

Here’s what He lead me to.

1.   “For you formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb.  I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalms 139:13-14

I want to make sure I clearly explain to my children that God made them perfectly and it is no surprise to God that we develop stronger feelings for certain friends.  I wanted to explain to Myka that having a crush on someone was perfectly normal!  I don’t ever want my children to feel like they have sinned or done something wrong because of a thought or feeling!  It’s what they do with those feelings and thoughts that will in essence produce righteousness or sin in their lives so I wanted to communicate that clearly to her.

2.   “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalms 139:16

God planned out all the days of my children’s lives before their bodies were even formed!  Every single day.  He wrote my daughter’s love story before she was even formed!  I just think that is so powerful!  I want to teach my children from a young age to seek God and let the Holy Spirit be their guide.  God’s will is perfect and our permissive wills are not.  I explained to Myka that God already knows who her husband will be and that when the timing is right, He will allow their paths to cross and a relationship to begin.  In the meantime, we need to spend our time praying for that future relationship and save our heart for the man that God already has picked out!  We talked about how it might make her feel if her husband didn’t wait for her and he chose to give a part of his heart to several girls along the way?  We talked about how God knows best and He never makes mistakes and we need to trust that His ways are perfect and worth waiting for.  

And then we prayed.  We thanked God for His good plans and asked the Lord to guard Myka's heart.  We also prayed for her future husband.  We prayed that his parents would teach him the importance of waiting for God’s perfect plan to unfold in his life and be patient for love.  We prayed that he wouldn’t be quick to give his heart to the girl who sits next to him in class or the girl that chased him on the playground.  We prayed his parents would teach him that God has his whole life already planned out and all we need to do is seek Him and allow the Holy Spirit to be our guide so that we are not lead astray and make decisions that are out of His perfect plan.  That is a prayer we pray often with all of our children and it has often provoked many questions and great conversations that focus on relationships through a Biblical perspective.  

3.   “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”  1 Peter 5:8

The definition of self-control is “the ability to control oneself, in particular one's emotions and desires or the expression of them in one's behavior, especially in difficult situations.”  As parents, we need to teach our children to not give into their emotions and desires.  Instead, we need to encourage them to pray about their feelings and desires and ask God to align their desires with God’s Word and God’s plans. 

There is an enemy that is fully aware of the good plans that God has for my children and he despises that!  The enemy could care less about protecting the innocence of my child.  He will look for any open door in their life to encourage thoughts and actions that are contrary to God’s Word and perfect plans and he has absolutely no regard to age-limit!  Self-control is necessary when it comes to having victory over the enemy!  If I know that God has a husband already picked out for my daughters and a wife for my son, how can I be okay with allowing or encouraging them to have a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” when I know it isn’t going to lead to that perfect plan!?  It doesn’t matter how innocent the relationship is...I want to encourage them to die to their fleshly desires (Romans 8:13) and have self-control as they seek God’s perfect will for their lives.   We need to be encouraging self-control and patience in our children and not making light conversations and inquiring about their elementary or middle school love life.  We need to teach them how to work through those feelings and emotions and exercise some self-control by focusing on the end goal, which is to focus on God’s perfect plan and wait for His perfect timing.

I truly believe that if my children seek the Lord about their future spouse, it is completely possible for them to remain single until The Lord allows their paths to cross and I believe they can move forward in that relationship and eventually end in marriage without ever having dated another person!  I really believe that is possible!  With that said, I wouldn’t have a problem with my children dating someone once they are old enough to date with the purpose of that relationship leading to marriage.  I pray that if at any time they discern or recognize that relationship is not marriage material, they would end it and once again exercise self-control and be content with being single while they wait for God’s will to unfold in His perfect timing. 

4.   “Marriage must be respected by all, and the marriage bed kept undefiled, because God will judge immoral people and adulterers.”  Hebrews 13:4

Although my children are all very young and sex is not something they are being tempted with right now, this is still something I want to pour into their heart even now.  I can’t be okay with my children having boyfriend/girlfriend relationships and then all of a sudden, draw the line when they hit puberty!  That would be too late!  The decisions we make today set a precedent in what we will allow tomorrow and down the road.  

There is absolutely nothing good that comes out of boyfriend and girlfriend relationships outside of God’s will….NOTHING!  It only produces broken hearts, jealousy, insecurity, and SIN!

Did you know that more than 50% of high school students have had sexual intercourse…many of those having their first sexual experience between the ages of 12-15 years old?  Did you know that less than 3% of Christians are virgins when they get married?  Did you catch that?  97% of CHRISTIANS have sex before marriage!  These statistics alone tell me that teaching our children about Jesus is not merely enough to keep their hearts pure.  We need to do more as parents to help our children live out their purpose according to God’s plans!  I don’t want to be okay with my children casually giving their heart away to anyone outside of God’s plan!  I don’t want to be okay with my children being physical with anyone other than their spouse!  I don’t want to be okay with “casual” relationships!  I want my children to trust God’s perfect plan enough to exhibit self-control and have enough respect for themselves and their “friends” to place boundaries and remain friends and no more because they don’t want to step outside of God’s best for their lives!  The enemy wants to destroy their best, but with the Holy Spirit as their guide, God will equip them with the self-control that they need in order to wait for His best!

These are the Biblical truths that lead the conversations that I have with my children about relationships.  These are the truths that guide my parenting decisions.  Some may say I’m overprotective.  Others may say I’m old-fashioned.  I’m okay with that.  I trust God enough to lead me and equip me through His Word and His Holy Spirit as I do my best to raise up children who live for The Lord!  My husband and I have made plenty of mistakes along the way and I’m sure there will be plenty more, but when I seek God in the quietness of prayer and go to His Word to find out what He has to say on a matter, it is then that I parent in confidence and only then.  It’s that peace that I have when I know I am right in the center of His Will that will lead me back to His Word and back on my knees when the next unchartered territory comes along in my parenting journey.  I pray that you will do the same…After all, your child may be the spouse I have prayed for so many times for my child.  I pray you are leading them well.