Happy New Year friends!!!
As I reflected all day (yesterday) on 2019, I have experienced a flood of emotions! Trials, Peace, and Faithful…those are the words that come to mind to describe my year. Our family has faced many trials this year in our health, yet through it all, we experienced God’s peace and His presence like never before. Tears flow as I think about the goodness of God. It’s hard to find words to describe. I have walked out this year in the kind of peace that the Bible describes as “peace that passes all understanding.” However, today, it’s as if I am experiencing the raw emotions of all that we faced for the first time…months later! How does that even happen!? I don’t know if it’s just the enemy trying to stir up anxiety or if I have suppressed these emotions all year long without even realizing it, but today has been hard. It’s almost as if the Lord peeled back a mask that has been covering up thoughts and emotions and He exposed things I wasn’t even aware of. Here’s what I have learned…
As most of you know, we came so close to losing my sweet mom earlier this year. It’s a miracle that she survived. From the moment that my Dad called me that afternoon on April 18th, it has literally felt like I have had an out of body experience. Nothing about that day or weeks following felt normal. You guys know that my mom is a pillar in our family. She has many roles in my life, but to just list a few…mom, friend, helper, encourager, advisor, counselor, babysitter, intercessor, cheerleader, giver, listener, teacher, leader, and hero…yeah, I know that’s more than a few, but those all make the top of the list! To have come so close to losing all of those roles in my life, you would expect my “normal” reaction would have been to fall apart and be beside myself! However, because of God’s tangible presence, I was so calm…so confident in His Word and promises…and so far removed from the reality of the circumstances.
In the weeks and months following her miracle, there were fearful and anxious thoughts that would try to creep into my mind, but I recognized that knock and replaced those thoughts with truth and God’s Word. I refused to dwell on the “what if’s” because I’ve been there, done that, and it kept me in bondage for years! I wasn’t about to allow Satan to take me there again. Again, peace covered me. Although the Lord was faithful to give me peace in those hard and difficult situations, He showed me today some toxic thought patterns and habits that I unknowingly took on this year and as I have faced these realities head on today, I have experienced a rollercoaster of emotions!
Here are a couple of the toxic thought patterns and habits that I adopted this year without even being aware of it fully until today:
1. We are not guaranteed tomorrow, so live today like it’s your last.
2. Invest in the relationships that matter
Those sure didn’t seem like toxic thoughts when I had them earlier this year, but unfortunately, after having time to reflect on how those thoughts impacted my living this year, they were very toxic.
For the past 3 years, I have been on a journey to improving my health. Over 3 years, I have lost nearly 100lbs. This year, I gained 30 of those lbs. back. When I was working on my health, I had to learn to say no to the things that would stunt my progress. There were times I felt isolated, lonely, and felt like I was missing out. When I almost lost my mom this year, I was so thankful that the Lord spared her life. I didn’t want to miss out on another opportunity to spend time with her, fellowship with her, or enjoy her company. Life seemed so precious to me and I wanted to live life to the fullest. I felt compelled to invest more time with not only her, but with all of my loved ones and friends. I found myself reaching out more often to friends and family members and taking the time to get together more frequently. And you know what…in the world we live in, fellowship = food! This year, I can truly tell you my heart is full from the movie dates, brunch dates, lunch dates, dinner dates, vacations, adventures, play dates, road trips, Bible studies, connect nights, parties, date nights with my husband, and day dates with the kids. I genuinely invested time into the relationships that matter in my life. Unfortunately, my heart wasn’t the only thing full…so was my belly! Somewhere along my journey to cherishing life, I forgot to cherish my health.
This year, with the Lord’s help, I am going to try to learn how to balance a healthy lifestyle with a happy and fulfilled life. I don’t want to sacrifice my relationships for my health, nor do I want to sacrifice my health for relationships. Surely, there is a happy and healthy place in the middle! I am so thankful for all that the Lord did in 2019 and I am grateful that He allowed me to walk into the new year with fresh revelation. I know He has more good things in store for our family this year and I’m grateful to have Him walking me through it day by day.
As we begin a new year, I want you to know that I love you and I am praying blessings over you and your family in 2020! May this be a year of fulfilled promises in your life! God bless you all! Love and Hugs! Here’s to a new year and a new healthier me!
