Weary and Burdened

There is absolutely nothing that could have fully prepared me for parenthood. It's by far the most rewarding thing I have ever done, but I'd be lying if I ever said it was easy! Parenting is hard! When I became a mom, I felt pretty confident stepping into my new role. I had two of the best examples growing up. I had plenty of experience taking care of infants and I had already been a teacher for several years, so being with kids was nothing new. I had taken several college courses on the subject of child development and I had a stack of parenting books that I had read during my pregnancy! I was ready for this! I was made for this! Then, that moment finally came when the nurse placed my daughter in my arms.

I can remember holding my daughter for the first time...looking into her eyes, feeling her soft skin, and hearing her breath exhale on my chest. It was at that moment, that I felt helpless. All the experience, classes, and reading went out the window. There I was staring at this tiny baby and it hit me...God had chosen Nathan and I to be her parents. He had entrusted her vulnerable heart to us...to protect, guard, guide, and nurture. She was a child of God, daughter of the Most High, the King of Kings. And yet, here she was in my arms! What a gift! No one could have prepared me for the emotional burden that comes along with that kind of responsibility! But God...

I have dreamed of having children all of my life! I can remember dreaming of what life would be like with a house full of kids! I have always wanted a big family and I can truthfully say now, that I believe being a mom was part of my purpose all along! I believe God placed that desire within me long ago because He knew...He had a plan...He had a purpose...and He had an assignment. You see, there's an enemy...seeking to kill, steal, and destroy the very blessings that God gave to me...seeking to kill, steal, and destroy the plans of The Lord. But God...

God has blessed me with four beautiful children. As an educator, I can remember hoping my kids would love to read and be good students. As an athlete, I can remember hoping my children would enjoy sports and be active and I used to dream about taking walks and playing at the park together as a family. As a mom, I just wanted the best for my kids. I wanted them to grow up and have lots of friends, be kind, follow their dreams, and have fun! I wanted them to grow up and be hard workers and be successful at whatever they decided to become. But mostly, I have always wanted them to love Jesus, obey His Word, and live their life in a manner that was pleasing to the Lord. But nothing or no one could have prepared me for how parenthood would change my expectations and desires for my children! But God...

As I looked into the eyes of each of my children for the first time, all of the dreams, desires, and expectations for my kids seemed to fade! Holding them in my arms, realizing that God had entrusted their precious souls to us to guide and teach...all of a sudden, the only thing that I truly cared about was their heart and I took it upon myself to be a good steward of what The Lord had given me. I vowed to teach my children about God's Word, share with them about the goodness of God, and model to them the fruits of the Spirit. Sure, deep down, the desires for all of the other things remain...I still want them to be happy, healthy, succesful, hard workers, etc...but God opened my eyes to the realization that none of that has any eternal value. It's okay to encourage my children to do those things, but my focus changed. Things that once seemed important to me became less important when I began to ask myself if it had any eternal value. Becoming a parent shifted my thinking. It made me more kingdom-minded instead of earthly-minded. Their hearts became the focus of my parenting and I wanted to make sure that if I was successful at anything, it would be raising these four kids to passionately pursue God, being totally surrendered to Him, obeying His commands, and following His leading. That's really all that matters! What good is it to raise up smart, successful, kind, and athletic kids if they don't love and follow Jesus!? This life is short and will quickly fade. But there is an eternity waiting for us and the mere thought of my children spending their eternity in hell, is enough to break this Momma's heart. So, I made a choice to be intentional and teach my children God's Word and focus on things that have eternal value. That is my greatest desire!

I ask for God's help daily...ALL DAY! I ask for His wisdom...I need it so that I know how to handle different situations that come up daily. I ask for His direction...I need it so that I make the right decisions. I ask for patience so that I don't lose it every time my kids disobey or irritate each other. I ask for strength so that I can keep focused on my assignment even though I'm up several times during the night with kids who need to go potty, or are scared, or just need their mommy! I need Him! I am nothing without Him! And if my kids have any chance in the world to grow up to be Godly men and women in a world where righteousness is no longer present even in the church and where nothing is considered sacred, it will only be with God's help! I have surrendered my children to Him and it is only by God's grace that I am able to complete this assignment of raising up God-fearing and Jesus loving children!

Here's the thing though...we live in a fallen world. No matter how hard I try to guard my children's hearts and teach them God's Word, they are not perfect! They will make mistakes and frankly, they make lots of them! And let me just share something with you...no one could have prepared me for how these mistakes would be a playground for the enemy to run around and spread his lies to me! My kids are young, so there have not been any life-altering mistakes but when they do make mistakes, trust me, the enemy is right there to spew his ugly lies in my face! He tells me things like, “You are failing as a parent...Your kid doesn't have a chance...Your child will make all the same mistakes that you did plus more...It's not possible for kids to grow up with a pure and clean heart in this world because I have done my job to remove everything pure from this world...This is just the door I needed to move into his/her heart, she's/he's mine now.” Lie after lie after lie. But God...

Every now and then, I get caught up in parenting and I carry the load of burdens myself. I begin to fret about their soul and question whether I am doing enough to prepare my kids to live righteous and holy lives before the Lord in this culture that we live in! When I do this, it's daunting and frankly...it's just too much for me to bear! As I said before, the mere thought of my kids spending an eternity in hell breaks my heart. It can literally paralyze me with fear. The burden for their soul was never meant to be my burden to bear. As their mother, I am constantly having to give this burden to the Lord. God carried this burden before my children were even born. He was burdened for the soul of my children so much so that He sent His one and only Son, Jesus, to die on the cross as the final sacrifice for their soul! That's how much He loves them...and me!

Recently, when one of my kids made a very poor choice, I was reminded of this truth. One of my kids stole something from a store and when I found out, I was beyond disappointed! My kids have disappointed me many times before, but this was different. This was more than the occasional act of disobedience or fighting among siblings kind of disappointment. This wasn't just an act of disobedience towards Mom and Dad's expectations, but this was one of the Lord's Commandments...Do not Steal! I was heartbroken, disappointed, embarrassed, angry, surprised, sad...the list could go on! I immediately began to question whether we had been doing enough to teach our children God's Word! Surely our kids knew right from wrong...didn't they? Maybe we could have been doing more? Here I thought I had been devoted to teaching my kids to live their life in a manner that was pleasing to God and follow God's Biblical truth. So why would MY child make such a bad decision? I wish I could have said I am so close to the Lord that I heard His voice immediately and knew exactly how to respond, but God knows that wasn't the case! I called both my husband and my mother for advice before I even considered asking God to help me handle this “situation” with His wisdom, love, and grace. Imagine that! Fortunately, my husband and mother are full of Godly wisdom and they helped me calm down and talked some sense into me. They made me realize that taking my beloved child on a tour of the local jailhouse may not be the best punishment for this “crime”. I can laugh now, but seriously ya'll...I was a mess! The enemy wasted no time in filling my thoughts that I was raising up an entitled brat that was going to grow up to be lazy with no work ethic, having to turn to theft as a way of living! All that came to mind within seconds of finding out that my child stole the item from the store! Fortunately, I had the sense to stop and pray before I made the situation even worse! As I prayed and asked God for help, my eyes filled with tears. I prayed, “God, I need you. I don't know how to handle this situation on my own. Forgive me for not turning to you first. Help me Lord. You know my greatest desire is for my children to be in right standing with you. Please help me teach them Your ways so that this won't ever happen again. I can't bear the thought of my child choosing a life of sin...”

As I prayed, The Lord stopped me. Just as quickly as the words were leaving my lips, He stopped me and reminded me of two truths...

1. The burden was never yours to carry.

Psalms 55:12 - “Cast your cares on The Lord and He will sustain you.”

Philippians 4:6-7 - “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

2. He has equipped me as a mother to train my children according to God's Word. That doesn't mean they won't ever make mistakes, but there is a promise attached to that command! I don't have to worry about their soul, because if I do my part, God will complete the work!

Hebrews 13:21 - “May God equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.”

Proverbs 22:6 - “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

The burden of my child's soul is too much for me to carry! It was never meant to be my load! God reminded me that when I committed my children to the Lord, I gave that burden to Him and I don't need to take that back! He has equipped us with His Word and the Holy Spirit so that we can guide our children and teach them God's Word. That is the most important thing we can do for our children because it is attached to a promise that they will NOT depart from it when they are old. So as quickly as I began to imagine what the sin of stealing was going to lead to in the years to come, I took that thought captive and began to confess the promises of God! I began to thank God that my children know the Word of God! I thanked God that my children will not depart from that truth that is already in their hearts! I began thanking God that my children will be called the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus! Immediately...I mean it...immediately...that weight was lifted and I could breathe again! That burden was lifted! Praise God! He carries our load friends!

I don't know what kind of loads you are carrying, but I want to remind you to give it to God. It was never yours to bear in the first place! Whether you are worrying about how you can pay the bills this month, or maybe you just got a bad report from the doctor, or you are worrying about the future of your marriage or your child's soul...give it to God. Let Him carry the load. He has equipped you with His Word and His Holy Spirit to guide you and He will give you wisdom on how to handle the situation so walk confidently in knowing He has your back! It is taken care of so don't worry about it any longer! Be obedient in what He has called YOU to do and then let HIM do the rest! Don't let worry cripple you any longer! Be free today in Jesus' Name!