Last week, we celebrated our daughter’s 7th
birthday. Khloe is a constant reminder
of God’s faithfulness in our lives. Her
story started off much like my oldest daughter’s story. My husband and I were absolutely thrilled to
find out we were pregnant. He was there
by my side as we went to the doctor and listened to her heart beat for the
first time. We were giddy as we left
with the first ultrasound picture of our little peanut. From there on, we looked forward to our
monthly doctor visits and always tried to figure out the sex of our baby based
on the number of heart beats per minute.
When it finally came time for our big ultrasound appointment at the
halfway mark of my pregnancy, we were so excited to find out we were having
another GIRL! Tears filled my eyes as I
saw her perfect body on the ultrasound monitor and the images of my girls
growing up together flooded my mind…sharing clothes, sharing secrets, the best of
friends…I couldn’t have been happier!!!
Once again, we left this doctor’s appointment with a clean bill of
health and we were so excited for the future!
Life was perfect. We
were building the house of our dreams and the timing was absolutely
perfect. We were expected to move into
our new home a couple of months before our daughter was going to be born so we
would have plenty of time to get settled in.
Life with a toddler was fun, busy, and always exciting! My biggest concern in life was simply
wondering if I would be able to love this new child as much as we loved our
first daughter! How is that even possible,
right!? Life was good.
Throughout my pregnancy, I noticed some noticeable differences
between my first and second pregnancies.
My first child was very active in the womb and I felt her bouncing
around constantly starting around 17 weeks along! Everyone told me that I would probably feel
the kicks even earlier with my second pregnancy since I knew what they felt
like. I had mentioned to my doctor a couple
of times that I hadn’t felt the baby kick yet but she always assured me that
the baby sounded great and there was nothing to worry about. She even explained that my placenta was in a
different location this time so that could also be making it more difficult for
me to feel the baby. I remember lying in
bed one evening when I was 28 weeks pregnant and I was praying over my baby
like I often did. I prayed over her
health, her delivery, her future, just everything that a mother thinks
about. I had my hands on my belly and I
felt one faint kick and then nothing else.
That was the very first time I had felt movement since being
pregnant. The more I thought about it, I
just didn’t feel like that was normal.
How could I be so far along and still not feeling movement. I called my doctor the next day to ask for an
ultrasound. Something just didn’t feel
right. She had me come in for monitoring,
but was told I couldn’t have an ultrasound because my insurance didn’t cover
it. I felt better after hearing her
strong heartbeat and went home. The
weeks seem to fly by when you have a toddler keeping you busy, not to mention
all the packing we were doing preparing for the move. Before I knew it, I realized I was already 31
weeks along! This pregnancy was flying
by! The night before my next doctor’s
appointment, I realized I still hadn’t felt the baby since that first kick at
28 weeks. I had made up my mind that I
was going to demand an ultrasound at my appointment the next day and would be
willing to pay out of pocket for it since my insurance did not cover it. So the next day, after hearing my concerns,
she went ahead and agreed to do an ultrasound since the room was unexpectedly
open! Praise God! Coincidence?
I think not. God’s handprint is
all over our story!
Our ultrasound confirmed our concerns, there was something wrong. Our perfectly healthy baby was now showing
signs of great concern. At my 20-week ultrasound,
she was measuring right on track for her due date, however, at 31 weeks, she
was only measuring 27 weeks along. My
doctor admitted me into the hospital immediately and ordered a round of
steroids because she was preparing for an emergency delivery. She feared there may be an infection in the
baby. I was nervous but surprisingly
calm.
I was hooked up to many monitors and I fell asleep to the
sound of my baby’s strong heartbeat beating over the monitors in the
background. When my doctor came back in
to check on me, she looked over the heart rate charts and she explained to me
that the baby is not showing any signs of distress and that her heartrate
sounds strong. She decided to not
deliver that night and kept me for monitoring all weekend. She gave me another round of steroids before
I left the hospital on Sunday night and sent me to a specialist first thing
Monday morning. The specialist had all
kinds of fancy ultrasound technology and he literally looked at every part of
the baby’s body and of my womb. Once again,
he confirmed that our baby girl was not growing the way she should be, however,
he did not see anything that made him believe the baby was in danger or at
risk. Her heart sounded healthy and
strong and she did not show any signs of distress. The blood flow to and from the baby looked
good and everything he examined seemed perfect.
The only concern was her size. He
told me to go home and pack my bags because he decided it would be best to go
ahead and admit me until her birth.
Now, if you have read my story, you know that fear and
anxiety once gripped me for nearly ten years of my life. It was the darkest days of my life, but God
delivered me and set my mind free and healed my body in the process. If you would have told me that I would have
been hospitalized when I was 31 weeks pregnant, would have to be separated from
my daughter and husband for possibly two months, and that my baby would only be
2lbs and may be born with some major health problems, I would have told you
there is no way I could handle that. Oh,
and add the part that all of that would happen right before you are set to move
out of your current home! I would have
thought that would have been the very thing to throw me right back into a life
of panic and worry. Just the thought of
it happening today, makes me have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. But God…
People throw around the saying, “God won’t ever give you
more than you can handle.” I have never
understood that saying at all. First of
all, I don’t believe God allows bad things to happen to His kids. That just doesn’t line up with His
nature. There are many things that I don’t
understand, but one thing I know for sure is this: God is a good God and the
devil is a bad devil. Everything good
comes from God. “Whatever is good and perfect
comes down to us from God our Father.” (James 1:17). No matter what my circumstances may
be, I know without a doubt that my God is faithful! 1 Corinthians 1:9 says, “God, who
has called into fellowship with His Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful.” I get teary just thinking about His
faithfulness. He has been so good to
me.
I cannot begin to explain and put into words the peace that
I had throughout my entire pregnancy.
From the moment I felt something was not right to the moments I saw the
look on my doctor’s face when she discovered something was wrong with our baby,
I can’t explain it. There was never a
sense of worry or fear…not once. I can
remember being in the hospital right after we discovered something was wrong
and I was being prepped for a possible emergency delivery. They gave me a round of steroids to help the
baby’s lung development and then told me the doctor would be in soon. As I sat there in the hospital bed, I can
remember being more concerned with trying to reach my substitute teacher
because I was teaching at the time! I
even looked at my husband at one point and said I feel like I should be more
worried than I am, but I have such a peace.
Bless his heart, I think he was trying to remain calm for my sake, but I
think I was the one making him feel at peace!
The Lord literally met me where I was that day and helped me do what I
needed to do…from the quick phone calls to family, friends, and coworkers to
the childcare needs for my two-year-old daughter, to the last minute packing
needs at home. He took care of every
detail. He surrounded me with friends
and family that stepped in before I could even ask. My daughter was taken care of, I had family
and friends at my home who packed up my entire home…every last box…and I had
people volunteering to bring meals and help out however needed. God is faithful.
During my stay in the hospital and even after Khloe’s birth,
I sensed so strongly The Lord telling me to guard my heart. I felt Him warn me to be very careful as to
who I allowed to come visit and speak into my life. Word spread very quickly throughout our
church and community what our situation was and although many people have good intentions,
it’s easy in those scary moments for people to speak doubt and I heard God tell
me to guard my heart and to surround myself with people who would speak life
and The Word of God over my baby and situation.
And that, I did. During the time I
was in the hospital, I had my parents and other believers standing in agreement
with us as we prayed for Khloe’s health.
We declared God’s promises over her life and stood on God’s Word for her
health and healing because we knew that even in those moments that we didn’t
have the answers or understand what was going on, God is still faithful! With every prayer and promise spoken, our
faith increased and so did our peace. I
knew she was going to be okay regardless of how small she was or how early she
came. I just knew. So I began to pray she would come. I can remember my husband telling me to stop
praying that because she needed to cook a little longer, but I told him, “No, I
know she is going to be okay so I just want her here already!” I knew she wasn’t getting the nutrition
inside my womb so I wanted her here where I could hold her and feed her and be
assured that she was getting the care she needed. The next morning after reviewing my charts,
our doctor informed us the baby’s heartrate had dropped several times over
night so today was the day! I was
ecstatic! God is faithful!
I delivered a tiny baby girl on March 7, 2010. She was only 2.8lbs. and 14” long. She was the tiniest baby I had ever seen and she
fit in her Daddy’s hand. I will never
forget the sound of her cry in the delivery room. They took her away immediately and I told my
husband to go with her. He left my side
for a moment and I could see him watching over her as the team of doctors
worked on her on a small table across the room.
I couldn’t see her, but when she started crying I knew she was tiny by
the sound of her itty bitty cry. Before
the team of doctors left with the baby, Nathan came over and showed me some
pictures of her that he took with his phone.
She was tiny but so perfect. God
is faithful. Again, I can’t begin to
describe the peace I felt. When the
Bible says “The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your
hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7), I have experienced
that kind of peace. Even though she was six
weeks early and the smallest baby in NICU, she was the healthiest one! She was only on oxygen for 12 hours because
her lungs were fully functioning! Praise
God! He is faithful! With each shift change, a new nurse would
come in and review her charts only to express their amazement that she wasn’t
experiencing the health problems that most preemies experience. She was a miracle and there wasn’t a doctor
that could convince me otherwise! I
believe the enemy thought he could destroy me by taking the life of my child…but
God!
“What the enemy intended to harm me, God used it for good.” Genesis
50:20
As Nathan and I celebrated our daughter’s 7th
birthday, we recalled all that we endured…the sudden hospitalization, the
emergency delivery, six long weeks in the NICU, dividing our time between our
toddler daughter and visits to NICU, driving 30 minutes to the hospital twice a
day during my oldest daughter’s naptime and once again after we tucked her in
every evening that way she got our full attention while she was awake and we
were able to enjoy our skin to skin time with our baby in NICU and be there in
the evenings for her bath time and feeding, moving out of our first home when
our baby was only 6 days old and still in the hospital and I was recovering
from a C-section, living with my parents for a few days in between closings,
moving into our new home while still recovering from a C-section, and having to
drive away from the hospital the day I was discharged without my baby girl. We asked each other, “How did we do it?” We know it was God! We never once felt burdened or overwhelmed or
pulled or stretched. We simply woke up
every day and did what we had to do and we did it with God’s joy, strength and perfect
peace. We made it! God was and still is faithful! He carried us through a season that seemed
impossible and He made it possible. He
will do the same for you!
I would love for you to share about a time in your life
where God’s faithfulness carried you through.
Feel free to share in the comments section below! For some of you, you have made it! Others may still be in the process of being
carried through. Wherever you are in
your journey, be encouraged and let me remind you that God is faithful! He meets us where we are and the very thing
we thought we could never handle or be able to bear, He is there with us and He
carries us until we make it out on the other side! I will leave you with this…God is not
finished.
“For I am confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will
continue to perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6
Here is a picture of our precious Khloe, then and now. We know God is not finished with her and He will complete the work He has already begun.
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