We live in a culture where girls are pressured to act and
dress older than they really are and kids in general are much more knowledgeable
of sexual terms and behaviors thanks to the internet and our entertainment
industry. As a mom, I deeply desire to
maintain my children’s innocence, but there’s a fine line between preserving
innocence and just being naïve. A couple
of years ago, when my oldest daughter was just six years old, I started
researching and praying about when and how to begin the discussion of sex with
my children. I found out there are
thousands of books and even more opinions on the matter! I obviously wanted to discuss sex with my
kids from a Biblical perspective, so I began researching some of the Christian
authors that had books on the subject of teaching children about sex. Some of the questions that raced through my
mind included:
-
At what age should I sit my children down and
have “the” talk?
-
How much do I tell them?
-
At what age should I stop bathing my children
together?
-
When should I stop dressing in front of my
children?
-
Should I wait until they see or hear something
and then start the conversation?
-
If I talk to them too early, will it cause unnecessary
curiosity?
Is it better for me to talk to my children about sex alone or should my husband and I have this conversation together?
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Should I talk about everything all at once or just a little at a time and have a longer, ongoing discussion?
I just had so many questions and after reading several of
the book summaries, I had even more! If
there is one book that I believe to be a successful parenting tool, it is the
Word of God! I believe every word of the
Bible to be true so I started there! I
began to pray for wisdom. James
1:5 tells us “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives
generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” I fully believe that the Lord will
equip us to fulfill our calling and purpose and parenting may be my most
important calling of all! “May
the God of peace equip you with everything good that you may do his will,
working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ.”
(Hebrews 13:21). Knowing these
two truths gives me so much peace as I go along my parenting journey.
It really is true that it takes a village to raise our
children and I am so thankful that The Lord brings the right people into our
lives at the right time. Whether it’s from
family, friends, pastors, teachers, authors, or online bloggers, I am open to receive
wisdom from them all when it comes to parenting my children in the ways of the
Lord! It is for this reason I write this
blog today. For those of you who are in
a similar season with the same questions I had, I have found a great resource
for parents to teach their children about sex!
Obviously, I would encourage you to pray and seek the Lord as well,
because He knows your kids best!
However, I hope you will find this information helpful.
After reading through dozens of book summaries and over one
hundred reviews from parents, I chose to purchase the “God’s Design for Sex
Series” by Stan and Brenna Jones. This
series comes with four different books and each book is geared towards a
specific age range. The first book is recommended
for ages 3-5 years old. My girls were almost
4 and 6 years old at the time that I purchased them so I read it to them
together and have since read it to my now 4 year old son. This book was very age
appropriate and was in a picture book format.
The story portrays the love and goodness of God and emphasizes how each
of us are uniquely designed by God. It
teaches proper names for private body parts and talks about how special it is that we each were made a boy or girl. I love that
the book paints such a beautiful picture of the family unit as God’s context
for love. My girls really enjoyed it and
the content was nothing new to them, as they learned how God created boys and
girls differently when their little brother was born. I left it on their book shelf for them to
read at their pleasure over the next year and it was read again several
times.
The second picture book is recommended for ages 5-8 years
old so I waited a year and then read it to them together. This one included a lot more details on
sexuality, human reproduction, and the miracle of childbirth. There were parts that were difficult to read
with a straight face, but one thing I felt the Lord impress on my heart from
the beginning was to teach my children that sex was a wonderful thing that the
Lord created for marriage and not to make it something to be awkward or embarrassed about. With that in mind, I read the book with a
very matter of fact attitude and allowed my girls to stop me anytime throughout
the story and ask questions. There were
some wide eyes and surprised faces and honestly afterwards, I walked away
wondering if it was too much too soon. I
prayed about it again and still felt a peace that it was part of the process of
training up my kids in the ways of the Lord so I left the book on their bookshelf
and allowed the Holy Spirit to water the seeds that I had just planted into the
hearts of my girls. Slowly, my girls
would mention something about what we read and they wanted to know more. Sometimes, my answers to their questions were
all they wanted and the conversations were quick and other times those answers led
to even more questions. The dialogue
that has started though has been so beautifully orchestrated and I know the
Holy Spirit has guided my words. My
girls are only 7 and 8 years old today, but they already have an understanding
that sex is a wonderful thing for a husband and wife. Because of these books, we have already got
past the awkwardness of that first conversation so they are comfortable coming
to me to ask me about what to expect when they
get married someday.
I am so thankful the Holy Spirit led me to start these
conversations early on because they are already forming their opinions on sex
and learning what is appropriate according to God’s Word. I feel like the information they have learned
has also helped protect them from sexual abuse because we have started healthy
conversations of what’s appropriate and what’s not appropriate and how to
respond. Having that Biblical perspective
revealed is so important for kids and they really need that foundation before
they hit puberty so that they can process the information without all of the
emotions that they are experiencing during puberty. We still have the last two books to read
together. Book 3 is recommended for age
8-11 and book 4 is for ages 11-14. Many
of the parent reviews recommend waiting until the latter part of the age
recommendations, so I am still praying about when to read book 3 with my
oldest. She will be 9 in May and I have
not felt the leading to read it yet. This
book deliberately exposes the moral messages that our culture sends to our kids
and scenarios that they are being exposed to that are contrary to God’s Word. It is in a question and answer format between
the kids and their Mom and Dad.
Basically, they go through each question and do a great job at building
their child’s defense against it. Every
answer builds your child’s understanding of why God intends sex to be reserved
for marriage and it will definitely shape your child’s moral character. The author firmly believes that first
messages are the most powerful, so why wait until they hear the wrong thing
from friends and then try to correct it?
It’s direct, but presented in a wholesome and understandable way. Book 4 equips kids to understand and deal
with the changes of puberty. It also
examines why God intends sex for marriage, discusses love and dating, and
answers tough questions about sexuality.
These are great books and although I’m certain there are many other
great resources out there, I wanted to share this one because I felt it has a very
strong Biblical emphasis which I love!
As I continue to pray for wisdom in my parenting journey, I
believe the Lord not only lead me to these books, but He also lead me to another great author and public speaker named Dannah Gresh. She
has a ministry called Secret Keeper Girls that is geared towards pre-teen
girls. I was drawn to her deep knowledge
of not only the Biblical and spiritual aspect of sex, modesty, and self-worth,
but she has extensive knowledge in the science aspect of sex and the effects
that it has on your body and mind. I
read several of her articles and listened to several videos on her website at purefreedom.org
and I immediately had a peace about her ministry and trusted her advice. I have read several of her books and I am so
excited that her “Secret Keeper Girls Tour” is coming to Tulsa next week! For those of you who have daughters between
the ages of 7 and 12 years old, I highly recommend you check out her website or
Facebook page and come to her event! She
has some great advice for parenting young girls and will be at the Maybe Center on March 24th so check her out!
I pray daily for my children that they would know their
worth and be bold in their stance for purity and holiness. I pray they would be successful in living IN
this world but not be OF this world. I
also pray for your sons and daughters too!
I pray there is a generation of young people being raised to honor God
in all that they do. The world is doing
everything they can to normalize sin. If
we don’t teach our children to follow Christ, the world will teach them not
to. Let’s continue to encourage each other along the way and don’t
be afraid to impart wisdom into the lives of those in your sphere of influence. God is equipping you and as He gives you wisdom
in that area you have been praying for, be open to sharing it with others! It take a village and I want my village to be full of men and women
with godly counsel! I'm always open to sound Biblical advice so share away.
“Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be
wise.” Proverbs 19:20
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