When Insecurity Invades

As I sat there at the table, penciling in all of the upcoming activities on my calendar, I felt a rush of insecurities flood my thoughts!  In an effort to push anxiety aside, I just had to laugh.  Sometimes, laughing is the only thing that will keep you from crying.  Have you ever been there?

As I looked at everything coming up in the months ahead, there was a moment where I became painfully aware of all of my weaknesses and insecurities that would keep me from accomplishing many, if not all, of those duties! 

Homeschooling two kids?  Teaching two different grades that I have never taught before?

Leading a ladies Bible study every week?  Leading others when so much learning is still taking place in my own heart and life?

Leading and serving on a team of volunteers every week?  Loving on people that I have never even met?

Hosting families in our home every month?

In that quick moment, I felt my heart begin racing and butterflies creeped into the pit of my stomach and immediately, I felt overwhelmed and confused.  I began to question whether or not this was even God’s Will because as I looked at everything that was on my plate in the coming months, I felt like I was far from qualified and that terrified me!  But God…

Just as quickly as those thoughts of insecurity flooded my thoughts, God reminded me of this scripture in 1 Samuel 16:7.

“The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them.  People judge on outward appearance, but The Lord looks at the heart.”

As I meditated on this portion of scripture, my perspective changed and immediately my mind (and body) felt at rest.  That’s the power of God’s Word…it’s alive and active!!!  That’s when I couldn’t help but laugh!  Seriously, ya’ll…God has a sense of humor! 

Let me tell you a few secrets about me and then maybe you will see why I feel like God is laughing all while leading me!

Secret #1: I am an introvert!!!

Most people who know me well, know that I’m a homebody!  Remember that blizzard we had several years back?  Well, that was my dream come true!  Our family was trapped at home for over a week and I loved every second of it!  My husband on the other hand just about went stir crazy!  I loved it though!  As long as my window blinds are open and I can at least get outside for some fresh air, life is grand in my little world! 

Human interaction, other than with my family, is just not something that I look forward to!  In fact, if I were completely honest, human interaction can be one of those areas in my life that produces extreme anxiety for me!  I am not a relational person at all by nature!  It is something I have to be extremely mindful about and that often creates stress for me!  I have to be very intentional about planning play dates, lunch dates, and dinner dates with friends because if not, I could easily go years without seeing friends who I care about dearly! 

I have this inner struggle that constantly plays out in my mind because I feel like I am a horrible friend if I don’t make an effort to hang out and spend time with my friends, yet the desire to stay home and just keep to myself is so strong!  Often times, I schedule a time to spend with friends and I dread it for weeks and stress about it because it often feels like “just another obligation” on the calendar!  Isn’t that awful!?  Just writing it makes me feel like the most horrible person and friend ever, but this is the struggle that many introverts have!  However, more than not, after I spend that time with friends, I have so much fun and I always leave telling myself I really need to do that more often!  There’s a reason God’s Word tells us that we need each other! 

“Just as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another!” –Proverbs 27:17

We need to surround ourselves with people who sharpen us!  That’s how we continue to grow and remain encouraged!  It’s not always comfortable and easy, but it is necessary.  I’m constantly having to make an active choice to not allow my introverted personality keep me ineffective.  I need others and honestly, God has others out there that need me!  So, even though the easy thing would be to just stay home and be a hermit, I have to be obedient and create time for relationships in my life!

Secret #2: I am shy!

Now, most people are shocked to learn this about me, but it’s true!  Everything in me wants to just stay to myself when I’m in a group setting with people I don’t know very well, however I never want to be rude or hurt someone’s feeling so I try to be intentional about being friendly to everyone.  Because talking to new people is extremely uncomfortable for me, I often find myself rambling about things or the conversation just turns awkwardly silent after the initial friendly greeting!  This is one thing that causes so much insecurity for me because I am so worried that I come across rude to others!  It bothers me so much!  I often wish I was one of those people that could just go up to anyone and carry on a conversation but it’s so hard for me!  I second guess everything I say and I feel like I say the dumbest things sometimes when trying to start conversation with a stranger!  Just thinking about it causes me to cringe!  The struggle is real people!!!

When I walk into a room, there is nothing that I want more than to walk in and get to where I’m going without anyone seeing or noticing me!  However, the minute I make eye contact with someone, the struggle begins!  Being a shy, introverted person, I immediately feel uncomfortable in settings with lots of people that I don’t know really well because I am constantly overthinking things in my mind!  I’m questioning whether at that point of eye contact, is it okay for me to stay put and just smile and say hello or would that be rude?  Do I need to go over and start a conversation at that point?  Were they really looking at me or maybe they were just looking at someone past me?  Keep in mind, all of these awkward thoughts occur within seconds of being around people!  This is why you will find me often looking at my husband or children as I walk past a large group of people…as if avoiding eye contact will somehow help me overcome being shy! 

Now, although I’m a shy person, being friendly has never been difficult for me.  If someone comes up to me and starts the conversation, I’m good!  And if it’s someone I know well and feel comfortable around, I could sit and talk for hours!  It’s really strange because I feel like I am on such different ends of the spectrum depending on who I am with!

I am so grateful that God sent His Holy Spirit to strengthen us where we are weak.  I love how The Living Bible translation says it in 2 Timothy 1:7.

“For the Holy Spirit, God’s gift, does not want you to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and to enjoy being with them.”

It is only with God’s help that I am able love on and enjoy being with others!  That’s Jesus in me and He has called me to be the light!

Secret #3: I am uncomfortable in the spotlight!

One of the quickest ways you can make me uncomfortable is to ask me to get up in front of a group!  It really doesn’t matter if I’m in front of a group speaking or just standing, the thought of everyone looking at me is just excruciating!  I get so nervous!  I often wish I could just hide under the nearest table and just pray someone else will come take my place!  It terrifies me!  I can feel the heat radiate from my face and I can sense the redness appear on my neck every single time.  It’s terrible! 

Not only do I despise having all eyes on me, but I often get extremely uncomfortable when people give me compliments.  Isn’t that the oddest thing?  What makes it even funnier is the fact that I am a natural encourager!  I love complimenting others and encouraging people!  It does my heart good to see people succeed and I absolutely love cheering them on!  So, why is it so hard for me to accept the same from others?  As much as their kind words build me up and encourage me, I tend to get uncomfortable when the attention is on me.  I have actually had to really be intentional with how I accept compliments.  I used to deflect a compliment or downplay my role when complimented in an effort to put the attention onto someone else.  However, The Lord has helped change my perspective.  Instead of seeing it as someone praising me, I now see it as evidence that God is at work in me! 

Secret #4:  I am a perfectionist!

I have always been my own worst critic!  This can be a good thing and it can also be a very bad thing!  Being a perfectionist means everything I do is done with great thought!  I rarely do anything without a plan!  Once I have my plan, I strive to execute that plan with excellence!  I don’t half-way do anything!  I’m an all-in or nothing kind of girl!  Unfortunately, being a perfectionist has all too often kept me from trying new things.  It is very hard for me to do new things that I haven’t been able to plan and prepare for.  Last year, being my first year homeschooling, I still felt somewhat confident since I had taught first grade for so long!  However, this year is a whole new story!  I have never taught Kindergarten or 2^nd grade and it terrifies me that the girls are going to be behind because I may not teach them everything they need to know!  I feel like I am learning along the way and that terrifies me!  I like to know what I’m getting myself into ahead of time, make a plan to succeed, and then execute it with excellence.  Well, I am learning that God doesn’t work according to my needs and desires all of the time!  He is constantly reminding me that His ways are greater than my ways! 

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.  “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9

Secret #5: I hate change!

I am such a creature of habit!  It’s not uncommon for me to eat the same thing for breakfast and lunch every single day.  When we go out to dinner, we tend to go to the same restaurants over and over.  I have my favorite pair of pants and my favorite shirts that I wear over and over every week.  Once I find a routine that works, I just stick to it until it doesn’t work anymore!  I would rather keep older electronics because I have them all figured out than get the newest model and have to change the way that I do things.  I just don’t like change!

Change has always been a huge source of anxiety for me.  When I am in a position where change is necessary, I reluctantly walk into that season and the perfectionist in me will not rest until I feel like I have mastered that change and then once again, I stay there and hesitate in walking out of that season! 

Okay, now here’s the funny part…

Knowing these things about myself, I get great joy and amusement seeing how God has used me in this season of my life!  I am forever grateful that God doesn’t look at me and all of my weaknesses.  Instead, he looks at my heart and sees so much potential for growth!  Only God can do that!  He created my inner most being so he knows every little detail about me. 

He knows that I’m an introvert and He knows that I would avoid interaction with other people if I were left to my own.  That’s why He sent His Holy Spirit to keep nudging me to get out of my comfort zone!  Obedience isn’t always easy…in fact, it’s often terrifying!  But obedience leads to breakthroughs and I’m constantly amazed how incredibly durable God made me!  I think of myself as a rubber band sometimes and I often feel like God is stretching me so far out of my comfort zone at times that I sometimes feel like I may snap and break.  However, I have discovered that when it’s He who leads me, my obedience never breaks me.  Instead, it’s as if God propels me forward just as a rubber band would do if someone stretched it as far as it could go and then released it with a flick!  That’s what God is doing in my life.  He is stretching me and propelling me!  He is showing me that there are so many great things for me beyond the four corners of my comfort zone!

I think it’s absolutely hilarious that I am in a season in my life where God is using me and opening up doors and opportunities to serve in areas that terrify me!  Yes, I have some serious weaknesses that according to man's perspective would certainly disqualify me from stepping into some of the positions that I am currently in!  But greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world!  What the enemy desires to use to make me ineffective, God sees it as an opportunity for growth!  He looks at my heart and sees that deep inside of me there has always been a girl that has been so compassionate and sensitive towards others!  He overlooks the fact that I’m a loner and instead he uses my sensitivity to draw me towards someone to love on them and encourage them.  He doesn’t look at me and see someone who is stubborn and resistant to change.  Instead, he looks at my heart and he sees how much I love my kids and He knows my desire to see them learn and grow in their relationship with The Lord so He calls me to go into an uncharted territory to homeschool them.  He promises to lead me and guide me, offering me wisdom when I don’t know what I’m doing.  When He looks at me, He doesn’t see the multitude of mess-ups and think I’m useless.  Instead, He looks at my heart and He sees my desire to learn more about His Word and He uses that passion to lead others to learn along with me.  There are so many others that know more about God’s Word and have credentials and degrees to prove that they are way more qualified to lead a Bible study.  Meanwhile, I’m over here, wide-eyed and mystified as God opens my heart and mind up to new things in His Word daily and I’m left feeling like there is still so much more that I need and desire to know!  But God sees that and opens up new doors and opportunities for me to share that desire with others.  Only God can do that!  He doesn’t see us in our weaknesses!  He sees the potential in us!

There is a saying that I once heard and it has stuck with me! 

“God doesn’t call the qualified.  He qualifies the called.” 

God isn’t looking for someone who has it all together!  He is simply looking for someone who is willing to say, “Here I am God.  If you can use anything Lord, you can use me.” 

I have learned that when I stop putting limits on God on where He can use me, that’s when I grow the most!  There are moments I still question Him, but He is so faithful and I have learned to trust Him even when I don’t understand!  He has never failed me and I am confident that He will continue leading me and guiding me. 

So, yes, in those moments where I’m standing before a group of ladies leading a Bible study and I am terrified to get up in front of them and could name a dozen or more ladies in the room that are way more qualified to teach about God’s Word, He is there…guiding me, stretching me, and propelling me.  Yes, in those moments where I’m in a room full of first time guests making conversation and getting to know them better, He is there…guiding me, stretching me, and propelling me.  Yes, in those moments where I am homeschooling my children and teaching something new that I have never taught before and feeling so ill-equipped…He is there…guiding me, stretching me, and propelling me!  He doesn’t look at my weaknesses and see all the mess.  He looks at my heart and sees my potential and willingness to obey which allows Him to see the endless opportunities for Him to use me!

Thank you Lord for seeing the best in me and using me to make a difference in the lives of my family and friends, as well as those that you have placed into my sphere of influence. 

To God be the Glory! 

Dating...What I Will Teach My Daughters About Dating

Not long ago, I had a close friend ask me for some dating advice.  She was wanting to pass along some advice to her younger sister who was entering the season in her life where she was interested in dating.  I couldn’t help but ask myself what would I want to tell my own daughters someday about dating? 

My children are growing up in a culture where dating is no longer an innocent opportunity to get to know someone better and have fun with friends.  Instead, it has become an opportunity for a sexual “hook up”.  According to Glamour magazine, 46% of men have sex on the first date and 33% of women admitted to the same.  The majority of Americans become sexually active once in a committed relationship.  Only 3% of the US population save sex for marriage!  Sex is now considered one of the most important aspects to building a healthy relationship, according to experts.  Saving sex for marriage is an outdated concept in today’s culture and according to relationship experts, saving sex for a committed relationship is even old-school!

Now, when I see these statistics and hear the stories from friends and family members, I immediately begin thinking that “courting” is sounding like a really great concept to teach my children…I don’t care how old-school it may seem!  Listen, ideally, my children would be so focused on God as they grow up that they don’t even notice the cutie across the room.  I would be perfectly okay if my kids chose not to date until they were 25 years old and shortly after, fall in love, marry their soul-mate and live happily ever!  However, I am not naïve!  If I want to see my children approach dating differently from the world, then I have to do my part in teaching them long before my daughters become interested in boys and long before my son starts getting googly eyed over pretty girls!  There’s a reason God laid out His design in His Word.  God’s ways are higher than our ways.  Afterall, He created us and God knows every intricate detail of our life… He knows how a sexual relationship affects our bodies, hearts, and minds.  God gives us very clear instruction in His Word about His design for marriage and there is no question that sex outside of marriage is sin.  Knowing God’s design for marriage is vital if we want to approach dating with a Godly perspective.  Although the Bible doesn’t mention “dating” or “courtship”, it does give clear principles that we should abide by before marriage.  I believe the most important principle for believers to adhere by when it comes to dating is to separate yourself from the world’s view of dating, because God’s way contradicts the world’s way.

“Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Romans 12:2

My oldest is just 8 years old, but we have been talking about boys to her for quite some time!  When she was just 4 years old, there were some boys in her class that chased her on the playground and she came home telling me these boys wanted to be her boyfriend!  I wasn’t prepared for it to start at 4 years old, but it did so we started laying the ground work then for God’s design for dating and marriage.  We began talking to our kids at a very young age about their future spouse.  We dream together and talk about all of the wonderful things they will get to do together.  We talk about how special that person is and we pray for them often.  They understand that God has a special plan and when His timing is right, He will direct their paths to cross and they will one day meet and fall in love.  They often wonder if they have already met the person…only time will tell. 

We have started talking to our daughters about how special it would make her feel if they met the “one” and learned later that he had made the choice to save his heart for only her.  He never gave a piece of his heart (or body) to another girl on the playground or to that girl in class.  He chose to hang out with his friends instead of going on dates with all the girls that kept texting him constantly.  He kept his eyes on God and leaned on Him to guide and direct his footsteps.  It wasn’t until he met my daughter that he knew in his spirit that she was the one and it was then that he finally allowed his heart to be vulnerable to fall in love.  My girls get giddy when we have conversations like that.  I let them know how important it is for them to do the same for their future husband because he is such a special guy and he’s totally worth waiting for.  We pray that the Holy Spirit will be their guide and that when the timing is right, God will make their paths cross.  I teach my girls that they don’t have to do the searching because God already knows and as long they go where the Spirit leads, it will happen.  They will know.

I’m sure there will come a time when they think they have met “the one” and they come to me and their father and ask if they can date him.  When this time comes, I pray that I have done well in teaching my children what to look for when dating someone.  First of all, I pray that they choose to date with a purpose.  Dating without a purpose only leads to sin and broken hearts.  I want my children to approach dating with their future in mind.  Is it someone they can see a future with?  If not, it’s not worth the emotional attachment. 

As I think about that day when my daughters ask me if they can begin dating a guy that they really like, I imagine we will have a conversation full of motherly advice that they have probably already heard many times over the years.  Here is the advice I would offer to my daughters as they begin dating with a purpose, no matter what age that may be.  I would have very similar advice for my son too, but today’s advice is geared for my girls.  Feel free to share with those in your life who are single and I would love to hear any advice you might add!     

1.   Let the Holy Spirit Be Your Guide.

Sweetheart, you are something special.  Not only are you beautiful, but you are intelligent, kind, talented, funny, and you radiate Jesus!  Boys are going to notice these things about you and it’s going to make you extremely attractive to them.  Some of these guys will think they love you and they may even tell you that.  However, they really just love the idea of you.  Let the Holy Spirit guide you.  Others will see your beauty and lust will enter their heart.  They may tell you they love you because they desire to have more than your heart.  They want your body too.  The problem with lust though, is once the initial chase and excitement of getting what they want fades, those guys will move onto the next lady that catches their eye.  The relationship will never move deeper than the physical attraction.  Watch out for these guys.  They will tell you what you want to hear.  You must let the Holy Spirit be your guide.  Don’t fall for the first guy that tells you what your itching ears want to hear.  Instead, listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit.  The Lord has planned out your days here on this earth and He has gone before you to prepare the way.  Your steps are ordered by God.  I have full confidence in you that you will listen to those inner nudgings of the Holy Spirit.  The Lord wants the absolute best for you so He will give you those nudgings to alert you.  Never settle for less than God’s best.  Listen to Him baby.  With his help, you will find your Mr. Right and you’ll know…you’ll just know. 

“So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives.  Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.”  - Galations 5:16

2.   Have High Standards

Baby, I want you to dream about your future for a minute with me.  What kind of man do you see in your dreams?  What does he look like?  How does he treat you?  How does he treat his family and your family?  What kind of father is he to your children?  What kind of relationship does he have with the Lord?  What kinds of things do you see him doing in your everyday life that lets you know He loves Jesus?  What kinds of things does he do to show you how much he loves you and your children?  Is he a hard worker?  Is he a family man?  Think about it…make a list of all of all of the qualities that your “dream man” would possess.  Then pray about those things.  If GOD puts those desires in your heart, he will complete the work that He has begun in you and He will grant you the desires of your heart.  Don’t ever let anyone tell you any different!

"For I am confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will continue to perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 1:6

With that said, I need you to hear me.  Don’t ever put your standards above God’s will.  Remember what I told you is the most important thing to remember when dating and seeking God’s best?  You must let the Holy Spirit be your guide!  I tell you this because if I had waited for my “dream man” and waited for that perfect guy that met all of my high standards, I would have missed my Mr. Right because I would have never allowed myself to fall in love with your father.  He met 6 out of my top 10 prerequisites for my future husband.  The four areas that he missed were big ones too. 

I desired a prayerful man who was a spiritual leader in our relationship.  We were young when we started dating.  If I had waited for the guy that sent me daily devotions to read with him and planned Bible studies for us to do together…I may have missed out on the greatest love story ever!  You see, God knew.  God knew that I would be a vital part in your Daddy’s spiritual development.  We were young and we grew closer to God together.  Your Daddy wasn’t that bold leader that I had always thought I would marry.  Instead, he was a gentle leader.  God knew that over time, your Daddy would be a mighty man of God with a heart to lead his family.  I’m so grateful that God allowed me to see that in your father, instead of mistaking his quietness for a lack of leadership.  Only the Holy Spirit can do that.

Communication was also an area that your daddy missed the mark on in the beginning of our relationship.  Who am I kidding, he still isn’t the best.  But here’s something I learned early on in our relationship.  Your daddy is a man of few words.  He doesn’t like to have long, drawn out conversations and it’s difficult for him to express his feelings.  But God…He slowly opened my eyes to this powerful truth.  Although he was a man of few words, when he spoke, his words were full of wisdom and genuine affection.  I have learned to love this quality about him!  I’m so glad the Holy Spirit was my guide and He opened my eyes to what was important so that I didn’t miss out on my Mr. Right!  God is so good.

Another standard that could have caused me to miss my Mr. Right was I wanted to marry someone that wanted a big family.  He only wanted two kids…but God knew.  I’m so glad I allowed God time to change and prepare his heart in the right timing instead of being so focused on my desires that I let him go.  I know that was because of the leading of the Holy Spirit. 

As for the last standard your father didn’t meet, well…the Lord changed my heart and made me realize it wasn’t worth losing your father over!  Singing has always been a passion of mine and for some reason, I always dreamed about marrying a man who could sing as well.  I just knew my future husband would sing me a handwritten love song on our wedding day and well…that just wasn’t the case!  Your daddy can sing but he won’t ever admit to it and do it in public!  I’m so glad the Holy Spirit allowed me to look past what he couldn’t do and showed me his other strengths and talents.  God knew. 

Setting high standards and sticking to them is extremely important as you begin dating and seeking the one God has for you, but let the Holy Spirit be your guide.  He will open your eyes to see what God sees.  The Holy Spirit will make it clear to you when you need to end a relationship and He will give you clarity when you need to allow God to work on some of those areas in His timing.  Just lean on Him if you see an area that doesn’t align with your standards.  You will know baby girl…you’ll just know.

3.   Don't Look for Someone to Complete You...Look for Someone to Compliment You

Baby, there is not one man in this world that will ever complete you.  Only God can do that.  But there is a man out there that will compliment your strengths and weaknesses and he will make you better.  As you begin dating, look for a guy that pushes you to be greater and do greater…not because you aren’t already enough, but because he sees something inside of you that you don’t see there yourself.  Look for someone who is able to draw that greater good out of you.

“Just as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”- Proverbs 27:17

4.     Don’t Change Who You Are for a Man.

Don’t ever let a man make you feel like you aren’t enough.  Don’t change who you are and try to be like someone else.  This world only has one YOU and you were fearfully and wonderfully made, so own it girl!  Do YOU and you keep being be-YOU-tiful!  God has a man for you that will look at you and treat you like you are God’s gift to him…which you are!  You are one-of-a-kind and you need a man that sees your strengths and weaknesses through God’s filter and with love in his eyes. 

5.   Choose an Encourager

Listen, if he speaks down to you, leave him!  I don’t care if he does it jokingly or not, if he speaks to you or about you in a derogatory manner, move on!  He is not the one for you!  God’s Word is very clear that our words hold the power of life and death and as your mother, I can assure you that if he puts you down in front of his friends or family, he doesn’t cherish you the way God does. 

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Proverbs 18:21

God clearly tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church.  You can tell a lot about a man’s heart and whether he values you or not through his words.  Seek for the man that speaks encouragement over you.  He should be your number one supporter (other than us of course).  He’ll know you aren’t perfect, but he’ll sure think you’re close!  His words should build you up and seek a man that knows how to build up others too!  How does he speak when he’s with his family?  How does he speak when he’s with his friends?  His words will reveal a lot about his heart.  Choose an encourager.  If he doesn’t know how to give genuine praise to you or towards others, his heart isn’t worthy of your love.  And if he ever puts others down in order to make himself look better, that’s just desperate.  Rise above that baby and move on.  Don’t settle.  God has so much greater for you!

“The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” Luke 6:45

6.   Set Boundaries

I know we have talked about this since you were a little girl, but I need to remind you to set clear boundaries before entering into a relationship.  If he doesn’t agree with or respect your boundaries, he’s not the one for you.  And God forbid, if he crosses your boundaries without your consent, there’s a reason your daddy taught you how to shoot a gun at a young age!  Kill him!  If you aren’t old enough to legally carry a gun, we will be chaperoning your dates, so if we witness him crossing the line, he’ll become target practice for us! 

Have enough respect for yourself and for your future husband to protect the sanctity of marriage and the gift of sex within your marriage.  Set clear boundaries together and hold each other accountable.  Don’t put yourselves in situations where those boundaries can be easily crossed.  Just avoid being alone.  You may think you are a strong person, but one moment of weakness can change your life forever.  Don’t ever be afraid to say no and to get up and leave.  Let the Holy Spirit be your guide.  He will bring clarity where there are questions.  And one more thing…if you ever wonder if it’s going too far…the answer is YES!  There is no confusion when following God’s design in a relationship so if you aren’t sure, just say no. 

7.     Don’t Try to Fix Him.

It doesn’t matter how much you care about a person or how great of friends you are…if there’s something you don’t like about a guy, getting involved in a relationship is not going to fix him!  And marriage sure won’t fix him!  If he doesn’t give you enough affirmation in your relationship when dating or courting, marriage won’t change it.  If he can’t keep a job and support himself as a single guy, marrying him won’t make him more responsible.  If he doesn’t get along well with your friends and family, marriage won’t make those relationships any stronger.  If he has a bad habit, being in a relationship won’t fix him.  Let the Holy Spirit be your guide.  If you don’t see a future with the person as he is, don’t jump into a relationship with him thinking he will change someday.  Just learn to walk away with your head held high and have confidence that your future is bright and God’s ways are higher than our ways. 

8.     Do Not Be Unequally Yoked.

We live in a world where evil is looked upon as good and good as evil.  Righteousness is rare, even within the church.  Now, more than ever, it’s imperative that you use God’s Word as your moral compass and standard of truth.  God’s Word is clear that we should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.  An “unbeliever” is anyone that is not in right standing with The Lord.  Going to church doesn’t make you a believer, so let The Holy Spirit be your guide.  It doesn’t matter how nice a guy is, how well he treats you, how rich he is, how generous he is, how loving he is, or how good-looking he is…if he does not take God’s Word as the final authority in His life, don’t even entertain a future with him!  I can assure you it is not God’s Will!  You are absolutely amazing on your own sweetheart and you may find a guy that is incredible!  But I can confidently tell you, if you don’t have Jesus as a common thread in your relationship and if you don’t put God and His Word first in your life, your relationship will suffer.  Don’t miss out on God’s best by chasing a nice man.  You don’t need a “good” man…you need a “Godly” man.  

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.  For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness?  Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”  2 Corinthians 6:14