Lessons Learned

In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d love to dedicate today’s post to the greatest woman I know…my beautiful mother and dear friend, Shirley Roberson.  I can’t even begin to describe how much I love this woman and how much she means to me.  It would be impossible to tell you all the things I love about her.  There is simply too much to write in one post! 

For those of you who don’t know my mother personally, she is full of Godly wisdom!  She is a mother to many because people are drawn to her sweet spirit and wise words.  She’s a Proverbs 31 woman through and through!  Today, I’d love to share some wisdom that my mom has imparted into my life over the years.  If I have learned anything over the years, it’s that Mom’s words are always filled with truth and wise counsel.  Once again, there are too many lessons learned to mention them all, but here are a few that have been life-changing for me.  These lessons ultimately made me a better person and shaped me into the person that I am today.  So thankful for a mom who chooses to speak truth into my life even when it wasn’t what I necessarily wanted to hear.  She’ll never know how her words have impacted my life.  I pray that as I share some of these valuable lessons from my mom, may her words speak life to you as well!  Be blessed friends as you soak up her wisdom!

Lessons Learned from Mom:

Lesson #1- Establish  Healthy Boundaries

The week before I got married, I can remember laying in my room talking to my Mom just as we did pretty much every night before I went to bed.  I can remember talking about the wedding and I broke down in tears and told my mom that I didn’t know why I was crying!  I explained to her that I loved Nathan so much and couldn’t wait to marry him, but that I was so sad about leaving home at the same time.  My heart was being pulled two different directions and I was having such a hard time making sense of it.  I had such a close relationship with my Mom and Dad and I was dependent on them for so many things that even though I was only moving a few miles away, I literally felt like I was preparing myself for a death in the family!  I know that probably sounds ridiculous, but that’s how close we were.  My heart felt such a void just knowing that I wasn’t going to see Mom every day and get to have our talks at the end of the day, or have her there to help me through my panic attacks, or have her lay hands on me and pray for me anytime I needed.  I was so confused about my sad feelings in the midst of such a joyous occasion! 

I remember Mom telling me that my feelings were completely normal and she assured me that it would get easier.  She told me it was time to start leaning on my soon-to-be husband for those things and that as I did that, our relationship would change and she assured me that was okay too!  I can still remember telling her just a few days before I married my husband that there was no way I would or could love Nathan more than her! 

During those first years of marriage, there were some defining moments.  I still called my mom several times a day and because we were close, I even stopped by often just to hang out.  There were times when I was struggling with fear and anxiety that I would call Mom in the late hours of the night just to have her pray with me.  There were days when I was sick and I just needed my Mom.  As a mom now, I could see where that must have made Mom feel so good and met a desire to feel needed.  I’m sure the separation was just as hard on her, if not harder, so I can only imagine how easy it was for her to just jump back in to the role of being my caretaker and go-to person when I reached out to her for help!  But being a wise woman and a woman of the Word, my Mom taught me something in that first year of marriage that changed my life.  She taught me boundaries.

I know my Mom well enough to know that setting boundaries was probably one of the hardest things she had to do, but she had to let me go no matter how much she wanted to hold onto her baby girl.  And she did.  There came a time where my Mom started to tell me she loved me, but that I needed to turn to my husband.  She recognized that I was never going to put my husband first as long as she kept allowing me to turn to her for advice, for spiritual nurturing, and care.  As much as she desired to help me, she knew it would eventually cause marriage trouble if she continued allowing me to turn to her anytime I needed something.  When I’d call her for advice, she began responding with, “Well what does Nathan think about that?”  When I’d ask her for her opinion, she’d respond, “I think that’s a decision that needs to just be between you and Nathan.”  It was a process, but my parent’s actions taught me such a valuable lesson by setting those healthy boundaries in our relationship.  They taught me what a marriage should look like and they taught me what the role of my husband should be in my life.  Over the first few years of our marriage, these healthy boundaries ultimately lead my husband and I to becoming each other’s lifeline, confidante, and best friend.  Although I never thought it was possible, I began to see my heart shifting and my husband eventually became the most important person in my life.  He’s my very best friend and I love him more than anyone else in this world…and I have my Mom to thank for that. 

My husband has so much love and respect for my parents and I truly believe it’s because my parents have always set healthy boundaries and never overstepped into our relationship.  Over our fourteen years of marriage, my husband has come to cherish the opinion of my parents and I believe that’s because he has never felt threatened by their opinions in the past.  They have never offered unwanted advice or stepped in with an opinion when unwarranted.  They have remained silent when they disagree and they have never said an ill-word even when I vented my frustrations about my husband.  They never took “my” side...rather, because they were on “our” side, they always encouraged me to be submissive and respectful to my husband and to not let things fester.  They always encouraged me to go to my husband when there was an offense.  They have always offered sound Godly wisdom and never an emotional response.  I love them for that.  They will never know how this lesson of healthy boundaries has shaped me as a wife and a mother!

Lesson #2 -  Choose Joy

Over the years, I have called my Mom and filled her ear with plenty of complaints and frustrations about life.  It's nice to have someone to talk to where you can trust your words to stop there.  It doesn’t matter how bad the situation is, Mom’s response is always the same.  Choose joy!  She always has an encouraging word!  Mom is not the one to call if you want someone to have a pity party with or if you need someone to tell you they understand why you are so mad, sad, or upset!  She’s going to tell you to get over it and choose joy!  As frustrating as that may sound, this is a lesson that has been invaluable in my life! 

Life is not always fair and it’s not always sunshine and roses.  But for those who have a relationship with Jesus, we have a hope and a joy that doesn’t depend on our circumstances!  Mom has taught me to look past my circumstances and focus on what the Word says about it instead!  When you look at things with a Kingdom mindset, your perspective changes and you are able to see the blessings in the storm.  It’s life-changing and life-giving!  Whatever you are going through, just remember it is only temporary and because of Jesus, there is hope and a way out.  There is nothing in this world that can steal your joy, but you can sure give it away.  I choose joy!  Thank you Mom for teaching me that I have a choice.  Because of your wisdom, I am able to choose joy daily…often many, many times…instead of letting someone or something ruin my day!

Lesson #3 -   Respond in Love

You can’t always control people’s reactions, but you can control your response!  That’s one of the greatest lessons my mother has taught me!  Life is unfair.  People can be ugly and mean.  But just as the Bible says, “Do not repay evil with evil”, my mom taught me that I can and should respond in love even when others don’t “deserve” it. 

Mom, thank you for choosing to not feed a reaction.  I can always count on you to change my perspective when I am out of place.  Even in moments when I know it was hard for you to hear that someone treated your daughter poorly, you have always encouraged me to keep my head up and to respond with love and to pray and ask God for help.  As a mother, there is nothing that gets my feathers ruffled quicker than for someone to be mean to my babies so I know there have been times where it would have been easy for you to jump on the bandwagon of getting even!  However, you always take the high road.  Because of the lessons you have taught me, I take the time to control my response and although there are times when tough conversations may need to happen, I can choose to respond in love because of the lessons you have taught me.  You have taught me that the Lord will equip me with the words to say when I choose to respond in a way that is pleasing to Him and you have taught me that when I pray about a wrong that was done, Jesus has a way of changing my heart so that it doesn’t bother me anymore or He just completely makes it right again!  Thank you for your many lessons in love and forgiveness!  It has freed me from so much heartache over the years because you have taught me to not focus on the reactions of others but to just be responsible for my own response.  When I stopped trying to change other people’s opinions of me and trying to respond in a way to please other people all of the time, it brought so much freedom to me and it ultimately brought healing to my heart. 

Mom, thank you just doesn’t seem like enough.  The wisdom you have poured into me over the years has been life-giving to me.  Thank you for always speaking truth.  You are the most loving and selfless person I know.  I watch you serve your family and your church and I’m always amazed.  I have never met anyone in my life that serves with such a cheerful heart as you.  You never complain.  I love that about you.  You choose joy and that joy is so contagious.  I love being around you because I always leave feeling better after spending time with you.  That’s just the kind of person you are.  You are kind, compassionate, and always encouraging.  Your love for Jesus and for others is so evident.  I feel so incredibly blessed that God chose you to be my mother.  They just don’t come any better than you!  Love you dearly and I am so incredibly thankful for you Mom!  Happy Mother’s Day!

OOPS, I Did It Again!...Fighting Temptations God's Way

“Today is a new day and I am NOT going to give in again.  I can do this!”  If only I had a dollar for every time I’ve said that in my life regarding temptations…then, maybe then it wouldn’t have felt so painful when I failed to accomplish that goal!

Have you ever been tempted to do something that you knew was wrong?  If you are living and breathing, I’m certain the answer is YES!  In case you didn’t know, we live in a fallen world and temptations are all around.  Some are subtle…others are in your face! 

God’s Word says we were made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27), fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).  Yet, because of the fall of man, we were all born with sinful natures (Romans 3:23).  Have you ever thought about what your sinful tendency is?  What is it you are tempted to do most often?  Most of us could probably list our top 3 strongest temptations and tendencies.  For some of us, they may have been evident from a young age.  Others may have developed over the years as a result of our environment and choices.  Genetics and environment most definitely play a factor in our temptations and tendencies!  Regardless of when those tendencies became evident in our lives, we all fight the temptations from the enemy…he just targets us in different areas.  I have four young children and I can already identify in them some of their sinful tendencies and I can see how the devil tempts them in that area!  I have one child who has a quick temper!  From a young age, we have had to learn how to tame the beast!  I laugh as I write that, but seriously, she has a tendency to lose her anger and Satan uses that sinful nature/tendency to bait her.  He recognizes her tendencies and he is crafty enough to customize his schemes to her tendencies…and he is successful many times as she loses her temper and hauls off and hits her brother or sister!

Whether your sinful tendency is rage, addiction, sexual immorality, or overeating…the enemy recognizes your tendency and you can be sure he’s going to tempt you where you are weak because he desires to keep you in a life of sin and bondage. 

John 16:33 says, “Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.  But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

Pay particular attention to the word “trials” in that passage.   Now, read what James 1:2-4 says below.

“Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.”  James 1:2-4

Trials test our faith.  Testing of our faith produces endurance.  Endurance must complete its work.  Then we are complete and lack nothing. 

This sounds simple, but I’m sure you have learned that it’s not near as easy when you are in the midst of experiencing those trials and testing of your faith.  The enemy loves to strike us where we are weak.  When we are weak, we don’t have as much endurance so we need to do what we can in the natural to build up our defense and then activate our faith so that God can do the supernatural!

For the person who tends to turn to alcohol to solve your problems, your defense would be to never enter the bars and stay away from the gatherings that are inundated with alcohol!  Your defense is stronger when the drink isn’t right in front of your face.  Satan knows he can tempt you easier if he gets you to the party or to the bar, so you can be assured he’s going to place people in your lives or in your work environment that drink.  Will you take the bait?

For the person who has a tendency to lose your anger, your defense would be to get a good night’s rest and allow yourself plenty of time to get things done!  Your defense is stronger when you are well rested and not rushed.   Satan knows he can tempt you easier if he can keep you feeling stressed and overwhelmed.  You can be assured he’s going to place people in your lives to get in the way because he knows it will bring frustration and that’s how he can steal your joy!  Will you take the bait?

For the person battling fear, your defense is obviously going to be tailored to what you fear!  For me, since I fell into this category, I’ll tell you what my defense is!  I have learned to recognize my tendency to worry and be fearful about certain things.  I know that’s an area of weakness that the enemy has always tempted me with in an effort to keep me in bondage.  Because one of my biggest fears has to do with sickness, death, or something happening to one of my children or family members, there are specific things that I can do to build my defense!  I have to stay away from scary movies, articles, and shows that chronicle real life stories about life altering scenarios.  They only produce more worry so I just can’t watch them or read about them.  I also need to stay off of the internet when I get sick.  If I google my symptoms or the symptoms of my child, it almost always tells me I’m either dying or have a serious disease so my defense is stronger when I stop so that my mind doesn’t start dwelling on worst case scenarios!  I don’t live in denial, but I have learned that the enemy uses those search results to keep me in bondage so in an effort to build my defense in the natural, I choose to stay away from it!  I’d rather trust the expertise of my doctor more than some stranger who posted a comment under the same question I typed into my search bar.  You can be assured that Satan will use social media, entertainment, and the news stations to surround me with stories of sickness, death, abductions, and tragedies so much so that I could become a prisoner in my own home because I’m afraid to leave my home or let my family leave the house for fear of catching something or something happening to one of us.  Will I take his bait?  Will you take his bait?

The enemy is always scheming.  He’s always tempting us to take the bait.  I mentioned there are things that we can do in the physical realm to strengthen our defense and we need to do everything in the natural that we can do to resist the devil.  However, when we look at the life of Jesus, we can learn firsthand how to resist and have victory over the devil’s temptations.  This past week, I was reading the portion of scriptures in Matthew where Jesus was led to the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. 

Jesus was tempted three times and each time he responded with, “It is Written.” 

Matthew 4:1-11

Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the Devil.  After He had fasted 40 days and 40 nights, He was hungry.  Then the tempter approached Him and said, “If You are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” 

But He answered, “It is written: Man must not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.”

Then the Devil took Him to the holy city, had Him stand on the pinnacle of the temple, ^and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down. For it is written: He will give His angels orders concerning you, and they will support you with their hands so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.”

 Jesus told him, “It is also written: Do not test the Lord your God.”

Again, the Devil took Him to a very high mountain and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor.  And he said to Him, “I will give You all these things if You will fall down and worship me.”

Then Jesus told him, “Go away, Satan! For it is written: Worship the Lord your God, and serve only Him.”

 Then the Devil left Him, and immediately angels came and began to serve Him.

Isn’t it just like Satan to wait and strike us with temptation when we are at our weakest?  Notice Satan didn’t even approach Jesus until AFTER he had fasted 40 days and nights.  He was physically weak and hungry.  These temptations for Jesus were just as real and personalized as the temptations that we face every single day.  Satan knew Jesus was hungry so he tempted him in his weakest area at that moment.  He does the same to us…tempts us in our weakness. 

As I read this portion of scripture aloud, the words “IT IS WRITTEN” just stood out to me.  In the past, I have read this story and thought “Well, this is JESUS!  Of course he’s not going to fall for the tricks and temptations of the enemy!  He’s the Son of God!”  However, this time as I read it over and over, I realized what Jesus did!  Listen, friends…GOD IS SO GOOD!!!  He loves us so much that He came to earth in the form of man so that He could pay the ultimate price for our sins so that we could have eternal life with Him someday!  As if that wasn’t enough, Jesus left us an example all along the way of how to live victoriously over the enemy while we are here on earth!  We don’t have to wait for heaven to have victory over the enemy and Jesus proved it here in this story! 

How many times in our lives do we try to build our defense in the natural only to realize we are too weak and continually give in to the temptations of the enemy!?  How many times have you said to yourself I’m going to start eating healthy only to realize that you are too weak to resist that piece of pie.  How many times have you told yourself you are going to stop smoking only to realize that you are too weak to resist the desire?  How many times have you told yourself that you are going to choose joy only to realize you are too weak to resist the urge to lose your temper when your kids get out of bed for the tenth time at bedtime?  Ya’ll, let me tell you something…we ARE too weak!  Yes, we need to do our part in the natural, but Jesus said it best… “IT IS WRITTEN”!  That’s our defense!  The written Word of God is our defense!  There is a reason God’s Word is called the SWORD of the Spirit!  It’s what we battle with friends!  What is the enemy tempting you with today?  Is he tempting you to depend on a substance?  Is he tempting you to take hold of the doctor’s report?  Is he tempting you to be fearful for your children’s safety?  Is he tempting you to be unfaithful?  Is he tempting you to lose your temper?  Is he tempting you to be deceitful?  Is he tempting you to receive that sickness that is trying to attach itself to you?  Is he tempting you to give into that tendency that you have had for so long?

It’s time to tell the devil, IT IS WRITTEN! 

IT IS WRITTEN: “NOT EVERYTHING THAT IS PERMISSIBLE TO ME IS BENEFICIAL TO ME.  I WILL NOT BE MASTERED BY ANYTHING!” (1 Corinthians 6:12)

IT IS WRITTEN: “PRAISE THE LORD, MY SOUL, AND FORGET NOT ALL HIS BENEFITS.  HE FORGIVES ME ALL OF MY SINS AND HEALS ALL OF MY DISEASES!” (Psalm 103:2-4)

IT IS WRITTEN: “NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME WILL PROSPER!” (Isaiah 54:17)

IT IS WRITTEN: “HE HAS GIVEN HIS ANGELS ORDERS OVER ME AND MY CHILDREN TO PROTECT US IN ALL OUR WAYS!” (Psalm 91:11)

IT IS WRITTEN: “MY GOD OF HOPE HAS FILLED ME WITH JOY AND PEACE!” (Romans 15:13)

IT IS WRITTEN: “THIS IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS MADE.  I WILL BE GLAD AND REJOICE IN IT!” (Psalm 118:24)

IT IS WRITTEN: “I AM A CHILD OF GOD!” (Galatians 3:26)

IT IS WRITTEN: “GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN ME, THAN HE THAT IS IN THE WORLD!” (1 John 4:4)

IT IS WRITTEN: “I AM THE HEAD AND NOT THE TAIL.” (Deuteronomy 28:13)

IT IS WRITTEN: “I AM BLESSED GOING IN AND BLESSED COMING OUT!” (Deuteronomy 28:6)

IT IS WRITTEN: “I AM LOVED!” (John 3:16)

IT IS WRITTEN: “I AM FORGIVEN!” (Luke 7:48)

IT IS WRITTEN: “I AM HIGHLY FAVORED!” (Luke 1:28)

IT IS WRITTEN: “BY HIS STRIPES I AM HEALED!” (Isaiah 53:5)

IT IS WRITTEN: “I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHIRST WHO STRENGTHENS ME!” (Philippians 4:13)

IT IS WRITTEN: “I HAVE NO FEAR!” (2 Timothy 1:7)

IT IS WRITTEN: “IF GOD IS FOR ME, WHO CAN STAND AGAINST ME!” (Romans 8:31)

IT IS WRITTEN: “EVERYHTING I PUT MY HAND TO WILL PROSPER!” (PSALM 1:3)

IT IS WRITTEN: “THE JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH!” (Nehemiah 8:10)

Whatever it is that the devil is tempting you with today, I can assure you there is a scripture written in the Word of God that you can declare to resist his lies and temptations!  Stop fighting in your own strength.  Stop giving in and taking the bait.  Instead resist him with the Word of God.  Every time you feel the tendency to give in, remember these words…IT IS WRITTEN!  It only took hearing those words three times from Jesus Himself before Satan had to flee!  With every written Word of God spoken, it was like a stab in the heart with a double-edged sword!  Think about that!  The Word of God is alive and active!  It’s powerful!  It worked for Jesus and it still works for you today!  You are victorious!  IT IS WRITTEN!!!