“Just bein’ real”
This is a phrase I hear often, especially on social media
and I’m not gonna lie…I cringe when I hear it or any form of it!
#keepinitreal #realtalk #letsbereal #justbeingreal
To me, it’s one of those phrases that is full of
passive-aggressive punch and condescending tone. There’s usually always a not so nice message
wrapped up in it. Typically, these
phrases insinuate that unless you share some or all of your not so pleasant
moments, you are lying or just an overall fake person. I have even heard some people go so far in
saying it actually makes them sick when people don’t acknowledge their
#keepinitreal moments and act like their life is perfect because they know…it’s
obviously all a show. Now, I’m not
really sure how long this saying has been going around, but these dramatic
statements have only been magnified to me within the past year.
When I first started noticing people share their desire for
“realness” and “authenticity” on social media, it seemed to be coming from a
place of insecurity and it always reminded me of Steven Furtick’s quote, “We
compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” For
some reason, people can no longer just see the highlight reel from someone’s
life and recognize that these shared moments are only a glimpse into that person’s
life. Social media has given people a
false sense of entitlement to know the intimate details of everyone’s life and
when they don’t get those details, they begin to fill in the details themselves
based on their limited information. And
for many, they make inaccurate assumptions.
They assume people are trying to
convince others that their life is perfect if they only share the good times
when in reality, they aren’t trying to convince anyone of anything. They truly are just enjoying the moments as
they come and get excited to share these moments with their family and friends
hoping to bring a smile to their face as it did theirs! I mean, maybe people really do take the time
to stage photos and lie about conversations and events to paint a lovely
picture in an effort to cover up the pain that’s really happening in their
lives, but come on people…are we really that insecure with ourselves that we
are going to assume the worst about people when all they do is post happy and
encouraging posts on social media?
It kind of takes me back to my middle school days! Who remembers the term “goody
two-shoes”? This term was used to
describe an excessively virtuous person, a do-gooder…but it had a very negative
connotation. No one wanted to be “that
person”. I can remember when someone would
get called a “goody two-shoes”, they would begin to spill the beans on every
little bad thing they had ever done because God forbid, no one wanted to be
known as that kid…the always do-gooder. They
were the ones that would get made fun of and they never fit in. They wouldn’t get invited to fun parties because
the good girls and boys made people uncomfortable. They weren’t relatable or liked by most. Many kids spent lots of time and energy trying
to convince others that they weren’t as “perfect” as others saw them and many
of those kids were embarrassed about being labeled the good kid.
When I started seeing this “let’s be real” trend on social
media gaining popularity, I found myself thinking like those middle school kids. At first, I felt like I needed to tell
everyone all my struggles and failures just so they didn’t think I was a fake. I started questioning everything I posted on
social media and said to people. Would
my words be received with smiles or eye rolls?
I found myself feeling like I needed to convince others I wasn’t
perfect. And what better way than to
share all my struggles, weaknesses, and mistakes. I mean, that’s what people are really looking
for when they want others to “be real”, right?
But every time I started to post about my “real” moments…you
know, those less than flattering moments, I heard that still small voice whispering
to me that I needed to delete and not post.
That still small voice was the Holy Spirit and do you know what I have
learned? The Holy Spirit is our filter. He helps us take those thoughts captive
before we speak them…or type them. He
urges us to be silent when our quest to be transparent can in turn tarnish our
witness. He convicts us of our wrongs quietly
and seeks repentance when we would rather use our struggles as an area to
connect and be relatable. He seeks
change when we seek comfort in knowing we are in good company. He really began to work on my heart about this
#keepinitreal trend and here is what he taught me. The quest to be relatable isn’t worth
sacrificing my influence.
I’m afraid that’s what is happening all over social
media. We are sacrificing our influence
all for the quest to be likable and more relatable. I see it on my newsfeed, I see it in blogs,
and I even hear it in some churches.
It’s a call for authenticity and transparency. People want to relate to their peers,
bloggers want to relate to their readers, and speakers want to relate to their
audiences so in their quest to be more relatable, they share some of their more
vulnerable or “real” moments in life. It’s
all about building connections and relationships. We have been told “You lead with your
strengths and you connect in your weaknesses” so in an effort to build
connections with people, we are being more vulnerable and opening up about
struggles, our weaknesses, and our failures.
But social media is not the place to share our vulnerable moments.
I am extremely cautious as to who I accept friend requests
from on social media. Because I post
pictures of my children and family, I have very secure privacy settings and I
only accept friend requests from people I actually know! Even then, I still have close to 800
friends! I didn’t even know I knew that
many people! My friends list is made up
of family, dear friends, acquaintances, old classmates, previous students and
coworkers, pastors, teachers, and many who I admire. Knowing that all of these different groups of
people have access to my posts, I have to make sure everything I post is
filtered by the Holy Spirit. Whether I
like it or not, people are watching me and my words and actions will leave a
lasting impression. As a Christ
follower, I am more concerned that my posts, words, videos, and photos leave a sweet
fragrance that reflects Jesus than I am about people relating to me.
Several years ago, I did a Beth Moore Bible study and in it
she said something that was so profound to me that it stuck with me all these
years later. She said, “Be authentic to
all. Be transparent to most. And be intimate with few.”
I looked up the definitions to those words because they seem
to be trending on social media. To be
authentic simply means to be genuine and accurate. We should be authentic to all. When we post things on social media, we need
to be sure we are giving an accurate glimpse into our lives. Notice I said an accurate glimpse. It’s just a glimpse. Don’t be posting false information. Be authentic.
Transparent means easy to perceive or detect, evident, and obvious. We should be transparent with most. That means most of the people on your friends
list and in your sphere of influence should be able to detect what kind of
person you are by reading your posts.
The things you post and the things you say should serve as evidence as
to who you are. When you are
transparent, people don’t have to make guesses or assumptions about you. Your values, convictions, and priorities are
obvious. That’s transparency. Then there is intimacy. Intimate means private or personal, detailed
knowledge. This kind of information is
intended for just a few people. This small
circle of friends knows your dreams and your fears. They know your strengths and your
weaknesses. They know the intimate
details of your life and your children’s lives.
Sharing private and personal information on social media when you have
several hundred or thousands of eyes reading is just not wise. You may get more followers, more likes on
social media, and more clicks on your posts, but at what cost? As Christ followers, being relatable and
likable shouldn’t be our goal. We need
to be set apart from the world and we should be living by a different
standard. Are we perfect? Absolutely not! But do we really need to share our flaws and
failures to the world just so others can relate? No!
No! No! I see so many people that have a great call
on their lives to be influencers and it makes me so sad when I see them
compromising their ability to influence all for the sake of likability.
Research has proven that people remember negative memories
far more than the positive ones. It’s
true! I have a billion amazing memories
of my childhood, but wouldn’t you know it that I still remember the one time
one of my elementary school teachers had a melt down and cried in front of our
class? And in the 36 years I have lived,
I still remember the only time my parents were in a “heated argument” and then
there’s that awkward time my Facebook friend told the world what she really thought
about her life. My point is it doesn’t
matter how many encouraging words you say over your lifetime on social media or
how many good things you do, that one bad seed can leave a lasting impression.
As Christ followers, our sphere of influence should be far
greater than our circle of friends that we are intimate with. Too much transparency can tarnish your
influence. I believe as Christ
followers, our number one tool to influence and touch lives is living out your
life in a way that reflects Christ.
Hands down…a life well lived will leave a far greater impression on
those you leave behind way more than any words or stories you shared. Period.
So please don’t feel like you need to be transparent with everyone in
order for the door to be opened to make a difference in their lives. Trust me…people are watching you. They notice how you handle tough
situations. They notice the way you look
at your husband. They notice the way you
love your kids. Let that speak
volumes. Let the Holy Spirit be your
filter. Let Him silence you when
necessary and let Him lead you to speak when a message needs to be heard. Often
times, the strongest messages and lessons learned can come from a place of
weakness, so I’m not saying never share…just be sure your message brings glory
to the Lord and not just another comforted follower. And don’t be afraid to share your
highlights! I don’t think you are
bragging or being fake! I love it! I’m so thankful that the Lord has surrounded
me with amazing friends and leaders! I
love learning from you! I love being
challenged by you! I love learning from
you on how to be a better mom! I love to
see where I can be a better wife! And I
love it when you challenge me to go deeper in my relationship with Christ! I’m watching!
I’m listening! You make me want
to be better and do better! So keep
sharing!
I think we should start a new “let’s be real” trend! I think we need to change the tone. I would love to start seeing #keepinitreal on
all of the blessed moments of your life.
As Christians, we are living in the favor of God and its time we get
real about sharing how blessed we truly are and stop being ashamed about
it! Life is beautiful! I can’t imagine living any other life than this
blessed life that I get to call mine!
God is so good! So can we start
being real without others getting sick of our happiness and mushiness? Life is short people! Let’s embrace the good and trust God to
change the bad and let’s leave behind a sweet fragrance of Jesus with every
word we speak and every word we type friends!
Here’s to my new favorite hashtag for the coming year! #keepingitreal
