Recently, I took my daughter shopping for her 9th
birthday. She wanted clothes this year
which made me sad all in itself because that alone screamed she’s not a little
girl anymore! I mean, it seems like
yesterday that her birthday lists comprised of baby dolls, stuffed animals, and
princess accessories so when she begged me to go shopping for maxi dresses,
casual outfits, and jewelry, my heart sunk!
I officially have a tween! Even
typing that makes me shake my head! It
just doesn’t seem possible that my first born baby…that chunky bundle of joy I
held in my arms for the first time as a mom…can already be a tween. People told me to cherish every moment
because they go by fast, but come on people…no amount of words could have
prepared this momma’s heart for how quickly those moments and years really pass
by! Yet, here we are…raising a tween
daughter.
As we entered the store on her birthday, there was so much
excitement. Anytime I get a chance to go
shopping without impatient little ones, that’s something to get excited about…even
if I’m not shopping for myself! As we
started looking through the racks, what I thought was going to be a fun moment
for me and my daughter quickly turned into a sad life lesson. We didn’t even make it past the first few
racks before my daughter made a comment about some of the outfits not being
very appropriate. Sadly, she was
right. I quietly watched my daughter as
she looked through the clothes. I saw
her spot an outfit on the racks and excitedly scurried over there only to watch
her smile turn slanted as she held it up and realized the entire back of the
blouse was backless.
Then again, I saw her face light up as she saw some bejeweled jean
shorts only to be disappointed to unfold them and see they were so short that
the pockets hung out the bottom of the shorts.
I listened as she asked me why people even make these kinds of clothes.
Modesty is not a foreign topic in our home. We talk about what is appropriate and inappropriate
to wear. We discuss often that we should
honor God in what we wear and in all that we do and say. In my effort to raise children who are
modest, I have learned that modesty has far more to do with the heart more than
what you wear. Let me explain.
I grew up in a Christian home where modesty was taught and
encouraged. I can remember being mindful
as a teenager to make sure my midriff was covered and cleavage concealed. I don’t necessarily remember doing these
things in an effort to please the Lord as much as dressing modestly out of respect
for my parents and myself, as well as not giving the wrong impression to
guys.
As true as this is, I have since learned that modesty has
far more to with a person’s heart than it does the clothing they wear.
When I became a mother, there was a shift in my heart that
took place when I truly understood the magnitude of my responsibility to raise
this human being. To hold that miracle
baby nine years ago and realize that God chose me to be her Mom…I was in awe
that He entrusted me to love her, care for her, and guide her to become the
woman He created her to be. When I
realized what gift The Lord had given me, oh how I wanted to cherish that gift
and do a job well done. My heart opened
up that day to God’s correction like never before. I desired to please Him more than my own
desires. Things that used to not bother
me, all of a sudden began to make me squirm and my view of modesty was one of
those areas. Things that I once ruled to
be okay for me to wear, didn’t seem so appropriate when I imagined my daughter
wearing the same thing. I wanted better
for her. We do that as moms, don’t
we? How much more does our Heavenly
Father want for us? He is so good. As my heart began to open up to the
understanding of His goodness, there was something in me that desired to please
Him more and more and that was and is what I continue to teach my children
today. We will never be worthy of all
that God has done for us and all the blessings He has poured into our lives. We can’t do anything to deserve His love…He
gave it freely. However, as we seek Him
more and come to know Him better, there comes a point where our greatest desire
is to please Him because He is good, not because we want to be good. We no longer make decisions based on man's opinion of good or
bad, religious expectations, or other people’s rules…after all, those standards all change with time. Instead, it comes down to "What does your Word say?" and “Is
this pleasing to You Lord?” It was this
process and shift in my heart that lead me to seek scripture about modesty as I
desired to please God in the way I raised my daughter.
1 Peter 3:3-4 says, “Do not let your adorning be external---the
braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you
wear---but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the
imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very
precious.”
1 Timothy 2:9-10 says, “Women should adorn themselves in respectable
apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or
pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess
godliness---with good works.”
As I studied these and several other scriptures on modesty,
I took away a few things…
1.
Modesty is dressing in a way that draws others
to see our hearts before our bodies.
2.
Modesty is revealing the beauty of a gentle and
quiet spirit instead of revealing the beauty of a body that we worked hard for
at the gym.
3.
Modesty is respectable.
As I began to pray about these nuggets that I took away from
scripture, the Lord began to expose some areas in my life where I very well
desired the attention from others and I became painfully aware of why I had
chosen to wear certain things. It
exposed a proud and haughty spirit, not the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit
that The Lord finds so precious. I
repented and asked God to forgive me and this is why I have chosen to raise my
daughters (and son) to be modest. I don’t want my children to grow up with a set
of rules of what they can and can’t wear.
Instead, I want them to ask themselves, does this outfit please the Lord
and does it draw attention to me or does it still allow others to see my gentle
and quiet spirit?
Modesty is much more than an outfit. Our attitudes can be immodest just as much as
our clothing! I just had to teach my
daughter this lesson not too long ago. I
had bought her some yoga pants with a cute top from Old Navy a few months ago
and she loved it! I didn’t realize it
when I bought it, but when she tried it on, I noticed the back of the shirt had
an opening up at the top that showed part of her back and then it was split
about half-way down the shirt. I probably
wouldn’t have bought it had I seen that in the store, but after seeing it on
her, her hair covered the opening on her back and the split just showed a sliver
of her back because her pants covered everything else so I told her it was
fine. I didn’t think much about it,
until I started noticing she was wearing that outfit almost every day. On the days it was dirty, I’d find her
digging through the hamper looking for it and asking me when I was going to do
laundry. She acted like it was the only
outfit she owned! I began noticing her
looking in the mirror over her shoulder, holding her hair up so she could see
her own back. She was becoming very obsessed
with how “cute” she looked in this particular outfit and fished for compliments every time she wore it asking, "What do you think, do I look cute (insert pose)?". To anyone else, this outfit would have been
deemed modest…it was pants and the top was a tunic style that covered her rear. However, the Lord began to open my eyes to a
change in my daughter’s heart that was directly related with this outfit. This outfit made her feel older, sexier, prettier,
and better than her other outfits did.
She wore it with a proud heart and her actions revealed that prideful
spirit. Let’s just say she was working
it in the mirror and thought she was pretty hot stuff!
When I brought it to her attention and told
her what I had noticed, she began to cry. She’s
extremely sensitive to spiritual matters and she told me that she felt ashamed
the first time she wore it because she knew it wasn’t respectful to God, yet she
wore it anyway because I told her it was fine.
She explained to me that one of her friends wore an outfit like that a
lot and she wanted to be “cool” like her friend. It broke my heart to hear her words for a couple of
reasons. First of all, I pray daily that
my children would be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit and that the Holy Spirit
would be their guide. It broke my heart
that I silenced that leading by telling my child something was okay even though I
knew when I saw it that I wouldn’t have bought it had I known it looked like that in the back…I should have
listened to that initial leading. I
made excuses as to why I thought it was okay even though I knew it wasn’t
something I would have purchased had I seen it in the first place because it
wouldn’t have passed the question of “Does this please and honor God?”. Secondly, it broke my heart because we have
to teach our girls that their value does not lie in the opinions of others, their
physical beauty, or in their abilities. Rather, their value and true worth comes in
their identity as a child of God! They
need to know WHO they are IN CHRIST!
When they do, their quiet and gentle spirits will shine and they won’t
need to adorn themselves with outfits to draw attention to themselves. I am determined to teach my children their
value because that’s where true modesty will be learned.
