Kids Need Consistency and Momma Needs Nap-Time

As a mom of four young children, I often have friends and family ask me how I do it.  Most of these kinds of questions usually come from my friends who are trying to adjust to life with one or two children.  It’s hard for them to even imagine how a mother of four balances life as a mother and wife, keeping up with housework, homeschooling the kids, keeping up with appointments and activities, taking time for yourself, making time for friends, and prioritizing your personal devotion time with The Lord!  Well, let me tell you…it’s not an easy feat regardless if you are a mother of one or ten!  A mom’s duties are never done and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. 

I obviously couldn’t raise four kids without Jesus!  He is constantly leading me in everything I do and He gives me the strength to keep going, even when I feel like I’m failing miserably.  I am also blessed with a husband who is very hands-on when he’s home and he’s always sure to make our family his priority.  I couldn't ask for a better teammate!!!   And have I told you that I also have the best family a girl could ask for!?  My children are blessed with the most helpful grandmas and grandpas and aunts and uncles!  I am forever grateful for all of their help!  It really does take a village to successfully raise children!  So when my friends and family tell me they don’t have any idea how I do it, I would need to make a long list of everyone and everything that make it possible.  However, my typical response is JESUS, FAMILY, and NAPTIME!   

I jokingly tell people that naptime is the only thing that keeps me sane, but it’s actually no joke at all!  Okay, maybe not the only thing...Jesus keeps me sane too, but only because I have naptime to really devote to Him!  From the moment I wake up, I am doing, doing, doing.  By mid-day, I’m exhausted and naptime allows me to take some time for myself and recharge.  That way, by the time my kids wake up, I am ready to go at it again until bedtime!  Honestly, if I didn’t have that time to recharge in the middle of the day, I would probably be cranky, emotional, and disorganized for the rest of the day!  Ugh!  I shudder at the mere thought of my kids getting too old for naptime! 

My kids are 8, 6, almost 4, and 2 years old.  When people find out that ALL of my kids go down for a nap/rest time every afternoon for 2+ hours, many people tell me I should write a book because they have no idea how that’s even possible.  Well, fortunately, there’s already a book and I know it works because I have used the methods with all of my children!  It’s called Baby Wise!  Although it’s a book that is geared towards infants, the concept behind the book has driven the way I parent.  The entire premise of the book is about creating a regular routine for your child so that they have a set, predictable schedule to follow.  Research shows that children who follow a regular routine are more content and feel more secure.  Routines also help kids develop self-discipline.   Research also shows that children who do not have a set routine tend to have more behavioral problems.

My husband and I were introduced to “Baby Wise” when I was pregnant with our first child.  Being a person who thrives on a schedule myself, the Baby Wise method really resonated with me and I was excited to try it.  I quickly learned that it was actually a very well-known practice among other moms and most of those I discussed it with had a very strong opinion about it one way or the other!  However, we quickly discovered that in conversing with the moms who loved it, they all had children that were great nappers and great sleepers, so we decided to stick with it and give it a whirl!  As new parents, we kind of felt like taking sleeping and schedule advice from parents who didn't have their kids on a regular napping routine or whose kids still slept with them or woke up all night is comparable to taking financial advice from people who are broke and in debt so we chose a method that had proven itself to be successful for other parents we knew.  Boy, am I glad we stuck with it!

Following the advice in this book, our babies have always been on great schedules and they have always been good nappers and sound night sleepers!  Many people tell us we are so lucky to have good sleepers because they tell us their children just don’t require that much sleep.  Having four kids that all have different personalities, strengths, and weaknesses, I have learned that “luck” really doesn’t have anything to do with our outcome.  In fact, we have had to be very diligent in our parenting in order to get the results that we desired, one of which happened to be having all four of our children nap at the same time every single day for at least two hours!  It’s not always easy, but as I said earlier…it’s necessary for momma! 

I know many children, if not most, stop napping somewhere around 2 or 3 years old.  My children on the other hand, have never been given the option to stop napping!  Out of my four children, three of them have gone through that stage where they decided they no longer needed or enjoyed naptime.  I’m guessing this would be the phase where most parents get tired of “fighting” their kids and after several days in a row or possibly weeks of their child crying, throwing fits, arguing that they aren’t tired, and getting up a dozen times or more after you have tucked them all nicely into bed, this would be when the parents finally throw in the towel and say enough is enough and they let their kids skip naptime.  I, on the other hand, was the mean momma who stuck to my guns and refused to let my toddler decide when he/she would rest.  It was a battle of wills, but I am happy to report that my children eventually learned that mom and dad’s response never changed no matter how hard they tried to get a different response.  We were consistent during those difficult phases.  There were days that I was so exhausted from fighting the same battle day after day after day, that I would literally just sit outside of their room and cry.  Yet, every time they opened that door and tried to come out of their room, my response never changed.  One of my kids learned quickly and it didn’t take long for the door to stop opening.  The other two were a little stronger willed and it took them longer to be trained.  One of those precious darlings just about pushed me over the edge.  We still tease her to this day that she was lucky to have made it to her third birthday!  She broke me many days, but with The Lord’s help, He finally broke her stubbornness and she eventually learned to obey whether she liked it or not and there came a time when she learned to stay in her bed quietly during nap time.

My children attended a preschool where they were required to have nap or quiet time in the afternoons for about 2 hours, so I was bound and determined to require it at home as well!  If they were capable of obeying the rules at school and laying down for a two-hour nap for their teacher, then why would I expect any less of them at home?  As someone who taught young kids, I learned long before I became a parent that kids will always rise to meet the standards of your expectations, so you better set them high.  

Once my oldest started Kindergarten, I no longer required her to nap at home.  She was six years old because we waited an extra year to put her in Kindergarten.  Since I still had three younger kids at home napping daily and the fact that Momma still needed her two hours of quiet time, my daughter was still required to have “down” time.  I no longer required her to lay down and take a nap in her room, but I did give her guidelines to follow.  She has a list of quiet activities that she is allowed to do during naptime and I am off limits when I’m in my room.  She is now eight years old and she still follows this routine and it’s my saving grace!  I have actually come to enjoy having her join me as I do my workouts during this time and she enjoys helping me finish up my housework, but once I go to my room for a break, she knows that’s her quiet time too.

My youngest child is my only child that has ever asked to go “night-night.”  Her little body just knows when it’s time for nap and bedtime because she almost always goes to her room, gets her blankie and pacifier and points to her crib and tells us “night-night.”  My other children would have never done such a thing.  In fact, if I had waited for a cue from them to let me know they were tired, they probably would have never napped or gone to bed before midnight!  They have always been full of energy.  However, as their mom, I know they need rest whether they act like it or not.  I have had them on a napping schedule since birth and they don’t know anything different.  When I lay them down, read them their story, and close their door, they just lay down until they go to sleep.  Most days it’s immediate and other days it may take them 20-30 minutes to fall asleep.  That’s okay though!  As long as they stay in their room quietly and rest their bodies, I’m not real worried if they are sleeping the entire 2 hours or not.  My 6-year-old may even stay awake a couple days a week, but she lays in her room quietly for 2 hours and rests.  I have never given them the option to stay up and play.  When parents don’t stick to a set routine, it’s easy for kids to begin thinking they have an option as to whether they want to nap or not and that’s when they begin to constantly question your decisions and argue with you when you do try to put them down for naps or early bedtime.  It’s important for parents to be consistent in their routine if you want to see consistent behavior in return from your children.  Kids need predictable schedules.  Sure, things come up and it’s okay to be flexible to some extent.  However, it’s important to plan your days around a scheduled naptime and bedtime.

As we entered the terrible twos stage with our second oldest and started getting some resistance on naptimes, we read a book called “Making the Terrible Twos Terrific.”  It had some great advice on how to correct undesirable behaviors in your children.  We used many of the methods in that book and saw great results.  Consistency is the key to successful parenting though.  I know there are moments when it doesn’t seem worth it because our children refuse to do what we want them to do, but be consistent anyway.  Don’t give in to their demands or desires.  God has equipped you with the wisdom that you need to parent your babies.  When your heart tells you they need that quiet time…or let’s be honest here, YOU need that quiet time…lean on that instinct and put it into practice whether your kids respond well to it or not.  Just be consistent in your efforts because you will eventually create a new habit.  It’s not always easy, but it does pay off! 

We have been given a huge responsibility!  God has entrusted us to guide, nurture, train, and impart Godly character into these little human beings and that’s hard to do when they were born with a sinful nature.  That’s why it takes consistency on our part to teach them that they must obey their parents even when their sinful desires tell them they don’t want to or need to.  The way we love them and correct them as children is often the first glimpse of how they will see Jesus.  If we let them have all of their fleshly desires as young children, they will never learn self-discipline as adults.  We need to focus on building Godly character traits rather than trying to raise happy kids.  Sure, our children may be easier to deal with when we let them skip naps and stay up late because they are getting their way.  However, is that really our goal in raising up this next generation?  Parenting is hard work, but having set routines and being consistent in our responses will help us as we have this assignment to raise up young boys and girls to do great and mighty things for the Kingdom of God!  To some, naptime might not have anything to do with raising up Godly kids.  But for me, it most certainly does.  How can I expect my kids to obey God in the big things if I can’t even get them to obey me in the little things?  

I hope today’s post will bring encouragement to those new moms and dads who may be navigating daily routines and schedules or possibly those moms and dads who are in the midst of the battle of wills.  Be consistent friends!  It will pay off!  I promise!!!  And for those of you who have completed your assignments and have successfully raised up God fearing, Jesus loving, obedient children who are full of the Fruits of the Spirit, please come along side of us younger moms and help pour into our children and offer us moms wisdom.  We need you!  I am no expert and I am still learning something new every single day, but I pray you will be encouraged and be willing to use this small nugget of wisdom to help you as you try to implement a daily routine and schedule naps.  Now, if someone feels lead to share their wisdom and insight on how to get your potty-trained son to stop having accidents in his sleep, I will take all the advice I can get!  Be blessed friends and to all of my mom friends reading this…give yourself a pat on the back because you are doing an amazing job!  Aren’t you glad God didn’t just call the qualified?  He, instead, qualifies the called!  If He called you to be a parent, trust me, He will equip you to do it well!  He may do that through His Word, through the Holy Spirit, or through the wisdom of others, so rest well my friend.  You are changing this world one child at a time!

Our Culture Perpetuates the Problem...But We Don't Have To

We don’t have to look far to be reminded that we live in a troubled world.  In fact, we don’t even have to leave the comfort of our own homes!  We can just turn on the television and there it is…story after story after story reminding us that our world is lost and troubled.  This past week has been no different.  The violence that has taken place and the loss of lives is absolutely heartbreaking.  As I have tried to make sense of what has happened this past week and as I try to answer the questions from my children, I find myself lacking the words and understanding necessary to clearly explain to them what their precious minds and innocent hearts are seeking to find answers to.

As a Christian woman and mother, I can honestly say I do NOT understand.  I don’t understand the rage.  I don’t understand the anger.  I don’t understand the desire to get even.  I don’t understand killing the innocent.  I don’t understand the need to counter violence with more violence.  I don’t understand the victim mentality.  I don’t understand why leaders, organizations, and the media turn unfortunate and tragic events into racial battles and political platforms that have proven to further divide the people in times of trouble, rather than uniting us in such volatile times.  I just don’t understand.  I don’t understand how phrases such as “All lives matter” is offensive.  I don’t understand why there are men and women who choose to put their lives in danger every single day in order to serve and protect their communities and yet they are persecuted and disrespected by those they strive to protect.  I don’t think I will ever truly understand. 

Here’s what I do understand though.  I understand we live in a fallen world.  When Adam and Eve chose to disobey God, sin and darkness entered our world.  I understand that there is an enemy who is seeking to kill, steal, and destroy.  I understand that we fight not against flesh and blood, but against spiritual powers and rulers of darkness.  I understand that as we approach the end days, there will be an increase in wickedness.  I understand that there will be terrible times during the last days and I understand that we are living in those days now.

2 Timothy 3:1-4 says, “There will be terrible times in the last days.  People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.”

It absolutely breaks my heart that my children will be raised in a culture where wickedness has filtrated the minds and hearts of their peers, neighbors, and leaders.  Gone are the days where two people can disagree and continue to be friends.  Instead our culture demands tolerance and labels those who stand on their personal and moral convictions as haters and bigots.  Gone are the days where kids honor and respect their parents.  Instead, we live in a culture where kids no longer have parents or if they do, culture says it’s okay to do what you want to do, leading them to disobey, disrespect, and kill!   Gone are the days where police officers are your friends.  Instead, our culture is teaching the next generation to fear police officers and disrespect our law enforcement.  Gone are the days where good was good and bad was bad.  Instead, we are living the days where evil is called good and good is called evil.  Gone are the days where we acknowledge there may be a few “bad apples” in a group but still look for the good.  Instead, our culture desires to overlook the good and we are eager to lump everyone into a negative category.  Culture paints the picture that all Christians are bigots, whites are racist, blacks are victims, officers are violent, the poor are entitled, rich are greedy, gun owners are killers, constitutionalists are old-fashioned…I could go on, but I’m sure you get my point.  I'm tired of culture sending that message to my kids!  Our identity is not based on our circumstances, our environment, or the color of our skin!  Our past does not determine our future!  It's a lie!  My children and I are part of a different group!  We are children of God, sons and daughters of the King of Kings! We are loved!  We are forgiven!  And we are highly favored!  We were made in the image of God, created for a purpose and we have been set apart!  We are the head and not the tail!  We are blessed going in and blessed coming out!  We are chosen and we are victorious!  Our value doesn't lie in the opinions of others.  Oh no!  Our value is in our Lord, Jesus Christ!  He thought we were worth dying for and because of Him, I can be proud of who I am...regardless of what culture says.  I refuse to let our culture dictate who I am and who my children are!

We desperately try to change the culture, which often leads to useless arguments and more division.  The Bible says to not argue over disputable matters.

“Accept other believers who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong.” Romans 14:1

“Let no corrupt talk come out of your mouths, but only say what is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29

So if we can’t argue to change the mind of culture, how do we teach our children to not fall victim to these cultural norms and instead be truth seekers and doers of good?  Lean in...It starts with YOU!  You must BE the good that we so desperately desire to see in our world!  Show your children the truth and the good in all situations...even the unfortunate!!!  Most of us tell our children to do good, but we need to show them how to be good. 

In our home, there is a scripture that my children have come to know very well!  They hear it often!

“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult.” 1 Peter 3:9

No matter how many times I recite this scripture in our home, more than not, it is my children’s natural reaction to get angry and retaliate when something is done to them unjustly or unfairly…usually by another sibling…regardless if intentional or unintentional.  If someone says something that is hurtful, their reaction is often to say something hurtful back.  If a child takes a toy away, it’s often their reaction to hit or push that child in order to get that toy back.  As their mom, I am constantly trying to teach my kids how to handle conflict appropriately and most importantly, how to handle it and overcome it God’s way. 

We can use scripture to point our kids to Godly living, but if our actions aren’t aligned with our teachings, we are perpetuating the problem. 

1 John 3:18 says, “Dear Children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”

James 1:22 says, “But don’t just listen to God’s Word.  You must do what it says.  Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.”

Our culture screams the messages “Get mad and then get even!” or "If you don't agree with me, you must hate me!"  If we don’t want our children growing up to respond this way, we have to be the change and teach them differently!  The only way for our children to learn otherwise, is for us to show them how to handle conflict God's way!  Our children are watching us.  They are looking to us for direction.  They are learning from us.  It's often the normal, day to day things that make the biggest impressions on our children.  But what I have come to realize is our reactions and responses to those day to day situations lead to our responses in the bigger and more troubling situations that we are faced with.  We are responsible for our response, but make no mistake in this...Our response WILL be duplicated by our children!  So we have to stop reacting, and instead, make a conscious effort to respond in a way that will not perpetuate the problem!  And when we do mess up and react without self-control, be quick to admit your short-comings and apologize to your kids!  Pray together and ask God to help you display the Fruits of the Spirit in all situations.  It's not always easy, but I have learned the more I renew my mind in God's Word and ask for His help in my life, it definitely becomes more obvious of how I need to respond.  I just have to make the choice to be obedient in my response!

A couple of years ago, my purse was stolen.  As you can imagine, it made me mad!  I felt violated and it was extremely inconvenient!  However, no matter how mad I was, the thought of turning around and stealing someone else’s purse never once entered my mind…not once!  Instead, I guarded my words and “let no corrupt talk come out of my mouth” and I gave grace to those who offended me.  I didn’t let bitterness fester up and turn me into an angry person.  I didn’t let the evil act of one woman give me permission to turn around and do the same act to someone else.  I didn’t talk badly to my family and friends about the person who stole my purse.  None of that would have changed my situation.  None of that would have brought my purse back into my possession.  Instead, we made the necessary phone calls to report the incident and close my bank accounts and then we prayed for the lady who took my purse.  That’s it.  I could have easily allowed my frustration and inconvenience allow me to fall into the trap of responding the way culture teaches us to respond, but instead, my children learned that day and in the weeks following that we indeed “do not repay evil with evil nor insult with insult.”  Was I a victim?  Yes!  Do I now assume all blond-haired, blue-eyed ladies at my church are going to steal my purse since that’s what the thief looked like?  Absolutely not!  Did I deserve to have my purse stolen?  No!  Did I learn a valuable lesson to be more careful about walking away from my purse no matter where my location?  Yes!  Do I leave my purse lying around now and trust that no one will take it?  No!  Do I have better judgement now?  Yes!  Does the fact that I got my purse stolen at church make every woman at my church a victim of theft?  Of course not!  I don’t want to teach my children to allow their circumstances to determine their destiny.  Therefore, I have to show them how to rise above their sufferings, how to rise above their circumstances, how to rise above their inconveniences, and how to overcome.  My joy comes from The Lord…not from life’s good fortunes.  Even when things don’t go my way, I can still choose to be happy because the joy of The Lord is my strength!

I am pro-life and an advocate for the innocent and unborn.  It outrages me when I hear about the brutal and painful murders of innocent babies!  They did absolutely nothing wrong, yet their lives were ended.  As troubling as this is, the thought has never crossed my mind to go to an abortion clinic and take the life of some random mother as a way to seek justice for the millions of babies killed by abortion.  Instead, I pray for the hearts and minds of young mothers across the world who are vulnerable and scared.  I pray that they would find hope in Jesus and find that there is another option.  I write letters and make phone calls to our local and state representatives.  I make my voice heard by voting in elections for officials that are pro-life.  I teach my children that we indeed, “do not repay evil with evil nor insult with insult.”  Is it upsetting?  Yes!  Is it okay to get involved and make an effort to correct the injustice?  Yes!  Do these innocent babies deserve to die?  No!  Are these innocent babies victims?  Yes!  Does this mean all babies are victims?  No!  Does this make MY babies victims?  No!  We cannot teach our children to be part of the culture that says be a victim of someone else’s circumstances.  Instead of teaching my children to be part of the problem, I want to teach them to solve the problem and be part of the change. 

I am a Bible believing Christian.  I understand what it's like to be part of a larger group of people that are being persecuted.  I hear the stories and see the families picking up the pieces after loved ones have been persecuted, tortured, jailed, and murdered for no other reason than their faith.  I know what it's like to fear that your children and family members will one day experience that type of persecution because it's happening here, in our nation, in our states, in our schools, and on our streets.  I refuse to take part in our culture's methods.  My children know that there's not a sign clever enough to change a heart and they know there's not a slogan catchy enough to change someone's mind.  But here's what they do know...there is only one thing that can change the heart and mind of a person and drive out wickedness in our nation.  The answer is Jesus!  We have to respond the way Jesus would because we are his hands and feet.  Jesus only did what the Father told him to do and that's what we should do too!  Let the Holy Spirit be your guide and let His light shine through your words and actions.

Culture is screaming one message to our children.  It’s up to us, as parents and the church, to teach them the truth and model that truth for them in our lives.  Culture teaches our children to get loud, get angry, and get even.  But God’s Word says “Do not repay evil with evil, nor insult with insult.”   Culture say to think like a victim.  But God’s Word says, “We are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus.”  Culture says more laws and bigger government will fix our problems.  But God’s Word says, “My God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”  Culture says we deserve happiness and don’t deserve troubles.  But God’s Word says, “In this world, you will have troubles.  But take heart and have peace, because I have overcome the world.” 

So as your children watch the news and hear the stories, don’t be naive in thinking you can protect them from cultural norms.  Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, your children are well aware or currently absorbing and learning what culture says is the normal way to respond.  Talk to them.  Answer their questions as best you can.  When you don’t have answers, it’s okay to tell them.  Learn to lean on the scriptures for wisdom because that is our source of truth.  And most importantly, learn to respond according to the Word of God in the little everyday circumstances, so that your children will know how to respond when they are faced with life’s most vulnerable and tragic circumstances.

Romans 12:2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

Yes, we live in a troubled world.  We can’t change that.  But we can choose to not be a part of the problem anymore.  Renew your mind in the word of God daily!  I encourage you to plead the blood of Jesus over your children daily.  Because of Jesus’ sacrifice at Calvary, the devil has no legal right to interfere in our lives anymore.  We have every right and provision to walk in victory through the blood of the Lamb!  Pray the Armor of God over your children daily.  The armor protects them from the enemy’s fiery darts and arrows.  No weapon formed against your children will prosper when they are armored up and ready for spiritual battle!  Pray for your child’s mind and ask for godly wisdom.  Pray that your children will take every thought captive that is not in obedience to God’s Word.  Ask God to open up your child’s heart and that he will understand God’s Word, so that he won’t be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of his mind so that he may know God’s good, acceptable and perfect will for his life.  And lastly, pray that your children will trust God with all of their heart, not depending on their own understanding, but acknowledging Him in all his ways, so that they will not be lead astray.

My thoughts and prayers continue to be with the families affected by the tragedies in our nation.  In the days to come, I encourage you to guard your words and let no corrupt or unwholesome talk come from your mouths and refrain from arguing over disputable matters.  Instead, offer grace, be quick to forgive, and show love through your actions, and be obedient to God’s Word.  It’s not always easy when our culture goes directly against God’s Word, but it will be worth it!  We owe it to the generations to come!  They need to see Jesus in a world that is filled with wickedness and darkness.  Our nation needs Jesus and we are the hands and feet of Jesus!  Let’s be the light and teach our children to be the change!  Let's stop being part of the problem.  Instead, let's teach our kids how to respond in a world that is lost and troubled.  

We are living in troubling times and it's easy to get discouraged and feel hopeless.  But keep Your eyes on the Lord and remember this world is only temporary.  Praise God!  Jesus is coming again!  Soon, we will be with Him in our eternal home where there is no more wickedness, no more evil, no more death, no more hate, no more anger, no more troubles.  What a day that will be!  I long for his return, but until that day, we have work to do and hearts to reach!  We have been given an assignment and with God's help, we will finish our assignments well!  Love you friends!  God bless you and God bless America!!!