Our Culture Perpetuates the Problem...But We Don't Have To

We don’t have to look far to be reminded that we live in a troubled world.  In fact, we don’t even have to leave the comfort of our own homes!  We can just turn on the television and there it is…story after story after story reminding us that our world is lost and troubled.  This past week has been no different.  The violence that has taken place and the loss of lives is absolutely heartbreaking.  As I have tried to make sense of what has happened this past week and as I try to answer the questions from my children, I find myself lacking the words and understanding necessary to clearly explain to them what their precious minds and innocent hearts are seeking to find answers to.

As a Christian woman and mother, I can honestly say I do NOT understand.  I don’t understand the rage.  I don’t understand the anger.  I don’t understand the desire to get even.  I don’t understand killing the innocent.  I don’t understand the need to counter violence with more violence.  I don’t understand the victim mentality.  I don’t understand why leaders, organizations, and the media turn unfortunate and tragic events into racial battles and political platforms that have proven to further divide the people in times of trouble, rather than uniting us in such volatile times.  I just don’t understand.  I don’t understand how phrases such as “All lives matter” is offensive.  I don’t understand why there are men and women who choose to put their lives in danger every single day in order to serve and protect their communities and yet they are persecuted and disrespected by those they strive to protect.  I don’t think I will ever truly understand. 

Here’s what I do understand though.  I understand we live in a fallen world.  When Adam and Eve chose to disobey God, sin and darkness entered our world.  I understand that there is an enemy who is seeking to kill, steal, and destroy.  I understand that we fight not against flesh and blood, but against spiritual powers and rulers of darkness.  I understand that as we approach the end days, there will be an increase in wickedness.  I understand that there will be terrible times during the last days and I understand that we are living in those days now.

2 Timothy 3:1-4 says, “There will be terrible times in the last days.  People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.”

It absolutely breaks my heart that my children will be raised in a culture where wickedness has filtrated the minds and hearts of their peers, neighbors, and leaders.  Gone are the days where two people can disagree and continue to be friends.  Instead our culture demands tolerance and labels those who stand on their personal and moral convictions as haters and bigots.  Gone are the days where kids honor and respect their parents.  Instead, we live in a culture where kids no longer have parents or if they do, culture says it’s okay to do what you want to do, leading them to disobey, disrespect, and kill!   Gone are the days where police officers are your friends.  Instead, our culture is teaching the next generation to fear police officers and disrespect our law enforcement.  Gone are the days where good was good and bad was bad.  Instead, we are living the days where evil is called good and good is called evil.  Gone are the days where we acknowledge there may be a few “bad apples” in a group but still look for the good.  Instead, our culture desires to overlook the good and we are eager to lump everyone into a negative category.  Culture paints the picture that all Christians are bigots, whites are racist, blacks are victims, officers are violent, the poor are entitled, rich are greedy, gun owners are killers, constitutionalists are old-fashioned…I could go on, but I’m sure you get my point.  I'm tired of culture sending that message to my kids!  Our identity is not based on our circumstances, our environment, or the color of our skin!  Our past does not determine our future!  It's a lie!  My children and I are part of a different group!  We are children of God, sons and daughters of the King of Kings! We are loved!  We are forgiven!  And we are highly favored!  We were made in the image of God, created for a purpose and we have been set apart!  We are the head and not the tail!  We are blessed going in and blessed coming out!  We are chosen and we are victorious!  Our value doesn't lie in the opinions of others.  Oh no!  Our value is in our Lord, Jesus Christ!  He thought we were worth dying for and because of Him, I can be proud of who I am...regardless of what culture says.  I refuse to let our culture dictate who I am and who my children are!

We desperately try to change the culture, which often leads to useless arguments and more division.  The Bible says to not argue over disputable matters.

“Accept other believers who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong.” Romans 14:1

“Let no corrupt talk come out of your mouths, but only say what is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29

So if we can’t argue to change the mind of culture, how do we teach our children to not fall victim to these cultural norms and instead be truth seekers and doers of good?  Lean in...It starts with YOU!  You must BE the good that we so desperately desire to see in our world!  Show your children the truth and the good in all situations...even the unfortunate!!!  Most of us tell our children to do good, but we need to show them how to be good. 

In our home, there is a scripture that my children have come to know very well!  They hear it often!

“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult.” 1 Peter 3:9

No matter how many times I recite this scripture in our home, more than not, it is my children’s natural reaction to get angry and retaliate when something is done to them unjustly or unfairly…usually by another sibling…regardless if intentional or unintentional.  If someone says something that is hurtful, their reaction is often to say something hurtful back.  If a child takes a toy away, it’s often their reaction to hit or push that child in order to get that toy back.  As their mom, I am constantly trying to teach my kids how to handle conflict appropriately and most importantly, how to handle it and overcome it God’s way. 

We can use scripture to point our kids to Godly living, but if our actions aren’t aligned with our teachings, we are perpetuating the problem. 

1 John 3:18 says, “Dear Children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”

James 1:22 says, “But don’t just listen to God’s Word.  You must do what it says.  Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.”

Our culture screams the messages “Get mad and then get even!” or "If you don't agree with me, you must hate me!"  If we don’t want our children growing up to respond this way, we have to be the change and teach them differently!  The only way for our children to learn otherwise, is for us to show them how to handle conflict God's way!  Our children are watching us.  They are looking to us for direction.  They are learning from us.  It's often the normal, day to day things that make the biggest impressions on our children.  But what I have come to realize is our reactions and responses to those day to day situations lead to our responses in the bigger and more troubling situations that we are faced with.  We are responsible for our response, but make no mistake in this...Our response WILL be duplicated by our children!  So we have to stop reacting, and instead, make a conscious effort to respond in a way that will not perpetuate the problem!  And when we do mess up and react without self-control, be quick to admit your short-comings and apologize to your kids!  Pray together and ask God to help you display the Fruits of the Spirit in all situations.  It's not always easy, but I have learned the more I renew my mind in God's Word and ask for His help in my life, it definitely becomes more obvious of how I need to respond.  I just have to make the choice to be obedient in my response!

A couple of years ago, my purse was stolen.  As you can imagine, it made me mad!  I felt violated and it was extremely inconvenient!  However, no matter how mad I was, the thought of turning around and stealing someone else’s purse never once entered my mind…not once!  Instead, I guarded my words and “let no corrupt talk come out of my mouth” and I gave grace to those who offended me.  I didn’t let bitterness fester up and turn me into an angry person.  I didn’t let the evil act of one woman give me permission to turn around and do the same act to someone else.  I didn’t talk badly to my family and friends about the person who stole my purse.  None of that would have changed my situation.  None of that would have brought my purse back into my possession.  Instead, we made the necessary phone calls to report the incident and close my bank accounts and then we prayed for the lady who took my purse.  That’s it.  I could have easily allowed my frustration and inconvenience allow me to fall into the trap of responding the way culture teaches us to respond, but instead, my children learned that day and in the weeks following that we indeed “do not repay evil with evil nor insult with insult.”  Was I a victim?  Yes!  Do I now assume all blond-haired, blue-eyed ladies at my church are going to steal my purse since that’s what the thief looked like?  Absolutely not!  Did I deserve to have my purse stolen?  No!  Did I learn a valuable lesson to be more careful about walking away from my purse no matter where my location?  Yes!  Do I leave my purse lying around now and trust that no one will take it?  No!  Do I have better judgement now?  Yes!  Does the fact that I got my purse stolen at church make every woman at my church a victim of theft?  Of course not!  I don’t want to teach my children to allow their circumstances to determine their destiny.  Therefore, I have to show them how to rise above their sufferings, how to rise above their circumstances, how to rise above their inconveniences, and how to overcome.  My joy comes from The Lord…not from life’s good fortunes.  Even when things don’t go my way, I can still choose to be happy because the joy of The Lord is my strength!

I am pro-life and an advocate for the innocent and unborn.  It outrages me when I hear about the brutal and painful murders of innocent babies!  They did absolutely nothing wrong, yet their lives were ended.  As troubling as this is, the thought has never crossed my mind to go to an abortion clinic and take the life of some random mother as a way to seek justice for the millions of babies killed by abortion.  Instead, I pray for the hearts and minds of young mothers across the world who are vulnerable and scared.  I pray that they would find hope in Jesus and find that there is another option.  I write letters and make phone calls to our local and state representatives.  I make my voice heard by voting in elections for officials that are pro-life.  I teach my children that we indeed, “do not repay evil with evil nor insult with insult.”  Is it upsetting?  Yes!  Is it okay to get involved and make an effort to correct the injustice?  Yes!  Do these innocent babies deserve to die?  No!  Are these innocent babies victims?  Yes!  Does this mean all babies are victims?  No!  Does this make MY babies victims?  No!  We cannot teach our children to be part of the culture that says be a victim of someone else’s circumstances.  Instead of teaching my children to be part of the problem, I want to teach them to solve the problem and be part of the change. 

I am a Bible believing Christian.  I understand what it's like to be part of a larger group of people that are being persecuted.  I hear the stories and see the families picking up the pieces after loved ones have been persecuted, tortured, jailed, and murdered for no other reason than their faith.  I know what it's like to fear that your children and family members will one day experience that type of persecution because it's happening here, in our nation, in our states, in our schools, and on our streets.  I refuse to take part in our culture's methods.  My children know that there's not a sign clever enough to change a heart and they know there's not a slogan catchy enough to change someone's mind.  But here's what they do know...there is only one thing that can change the heart and mind of a person and drive out wickedness in our nation.  The answer is Jesus!  We have to respond the way Jesus would because we are his hands and feet.  Jesus only did what the Father told him to do and that's what we should do too!  Let the Holy Spirit be your guide and let His light shine through your words and actions.

Culture is screaming one message to our children.  It’s up to us, as parents and the church, to teach them the truth and model that truth for them in our lives.  Culture teaches our children to get loud, get angry, and get even.  But God’s Word says “Do not repay evil with evil, nor insult with insult.”   Culture say to think like a victim.  But God’s Word says, “We are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus.”  Culture says more laws and bigger government will fix our problems.  But God’s Word says, “My God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”  Culture says we deserve happiness and don’t deserve troubles.  But God’s Word says, “In this world, you will have troubles.  But take heart and have peace, because I have overcome the world.” 

So as your children watch the news and hear the stories, don’t be naive in thinking you can protect them from cultural norms.  Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, your children are well aware or currently absorbing and learning what culture says is the normal way to respond.  Talk to them.  Answer their questions as best you can.  When you don’t have answers, it’s okay to tell them.  Learn to lean on the scriptures for wisdom because that is our source of truth.  And most importantly, learn to respond according to the Word of God in the little everyday circumstances, so that your children will know how to respond when they are faced with life’s most vulnerable and tragic circumstances.

Romans 12:2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

Yes, we live in a troubled world.  We can’t change that.  But we can choose to not be a part of the problem anymore.  Renew your mind in the word of God daily!  I encourage you to plead the blood of Jesus over your children daily.  Because of Jesus’ sacrifice at Calvary, the devil has no legal right to interfere in our lives anymore.  We have every right and provision to walk in victory through the blood of the Lamb!  Pray the Armor of God over your children daily.  The armor protects them from the enemy’s fiery darts and arrows.  No weapon formed against your children will prosper when they are armored up and ready for spiritual battle!  Pray for your child’s mind and ask for godly wisdom.  Pray that your children will take every thought captive that is not in obedience to God’s Word.  Ask God to open up your child’s heart and that he will understand God’s Word, so that he won’t be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of his mind so that he may know God’s good, acceptable and perfect will for his life.  And lastly, pray that your children will trust God with all of their heart, not depending on their own understanding, but acknowledging Him in all his ways, so that they will not be lead astray.

My thoughts and prayers continue to be with the families affected by the tragedies in our nation.  In the days to come, I encourage you to guard your words and let no corrupt or unwholesome talk come from your mouths and refrain from arguing over disputable matters.  Instead, offer grace, be quick to forgive, and show love through your actions, and be obedient to God’s Word.  It’s not always easy when our culture goes directly against God’s Word, but it will be worth it!  We owe it to the generations to come!  They need to see Jesus in a world that is filled with wickedness and darkness.  Our nation needs Jesus and we are the hands and feet of Jesus!  Let’s be the light and teach our children to be the change!  Let's stop being part of the problem.  Instead, let's teach our kids how to respond in a world that is lost and troubled.  

We are living in troubling times and it's easy to get discouraged and feel hopeless.  But keep Your eyes on the Lord and remember this world is only temporary.  Praise God!  Jesus is coming again!  Soon, we will be with Him in our eternal home where there is no more wickedness, no more evil, no more death, no more hate, no more anger, no more troubles.  What a day that will be!  I long for his return, but until that day, we have work to do and hearts to reach!  We have been given an assignment and with God's help, we will finish our assignments well!  Love you friends!  God bless you and God bless America!!!

Keeping the Fireworks in Your Marraige

Every year, I look forward to celebrating the 4^th of July!  Not only is it a time to celebrate our country and freedoms, but it’s also my Dad’s birthday!  The 4^th of July has always been one of my favorite family celebrations because it’s full of family, food, fun, and fireworks!!!  I have the sweetest memories of past 4^th of July celebrations and most of them include this handsome guy in the picture below!

I have to admit, that many of my favorite memories of past 4^th of July celebrations include sneaking away with this guy at some point and getting a kiss during the fireworks show!  I know, I know…so scandalous, right?!  (Side note…I have learned a lot since my dating days and I am really encouraging my children to hold off on the physical aspect of relationships until marriage, despite the fact that Nathan and I chose to kiss while dating…a lot!  That’s a post for another day though, so back to today's post!)  As I was recently thinking back, reminiscing about past 4^th of July’s, I couldn’t help but smile.  We sure have had our share of fireworks in our relationship!

We officially began dating when I was in 9^th grade…although there was a whole lot of flirting going on long before we made it official!  We were high school sweethearts and have been in a committed relationship for 20 years now, 13 of those being happily married!!!  Honestly, it’s hard to remember life without him.  He’s been my best friend through every phase of life and I can’t imagine life without him.  

Twenty years is a long time to be committed to someone.  Often times, it’s easy to grow comfortable over time and lose the spark that was once there.  It’s especially easy to lose that spark once you become parents.  As moms, we can often put the needs of our children above our husband and if we aren’t careful, we will lose the fireworks in our marriage.  Nathan and I vowed early on in our marriage that when we were blessed with children, we would always be intentional in putting our marriage first.  It’s not always easy, but I can tell you this…it is necessary! 

You don’t have to look far to realize the spiritual attacks that are on the family unit.  Satan has attacked God’s design of the family unit since the very beginning!  Just look at Adam and Eve!  What God designed to be good…a man and woman, naked in a beautiful garden, the very first husband and wife, told to go and reproduce and have everything you need…became Satan’s first target!  He is out to destroy God’s design of family…he desires to destroy trust, intimacy, and love within a marriage.  We need to be on our guard always, being intentional to protect that which God has brought together! 

If we are not careful and on guard to protect our marriage, we will unknowingly open a door for Satan to sneak into our marriage.  Once that door has been cracked, the enemy will waste no time before distracting us with life's responsibilities.  Pretty soon, we find ourselves overwhelmed with duties, often lacking the energy to nurture the relationships that are most important to us.  Before you know it, tempers rise, feelings get hurt, frustration sets in, you disconnect, offense is taken, distrust enters, and you are left wondering how and when the passion left your marriage!  It doesn't happen overnight, but all too often, by the time couples realize the sparks are gone in their marriage, they feel it’s simply too late and they give up.  Well, if you are anything like me, I have entirely too much to lose so I refuse to allow that door to be opened!  I don’t care how many years I am with my husband…I don’t ever want to lose those fireworks in our marriage!

Now that we have four little ones, it’s harder to keep the spark alive, but it can be done!  Isn't it just like the enemy to use one of God's greatest blessings...our children...to try to distract couples from nurturing and protecting the unity of our marriage!?  We have to work at it and be intentional to make each other a priority.  There are days that it comes really easy, and then there are those days where it seems nearly impossible to even get two seconds alone together.  It's important for couples to embrace each season that God sets before you.  Right now, we are enjoying this season of life with our babies and we don’t want to wish these precious years away at all.  If anything, it just allows us to be more creative in how we keep the passion there.  There will be a day when the kids are grown and it’s once again, just me and my guy.  If we choose to just coast through our marriage with the mindset that we will reignite the fireworks once the kids are grown, we are entering dangerous territory.  God never designed marriage to be a coasting trip.  Instead, we need to actively engage one another, staying connected spiritually, emotionally, and physically, so that we are one flesh, just as God designed marriage to be.

In order to be "one" with your spouse, you have to prioritize your relationship and work at keeping it healthy, no matter what season of life you are in.  The more you work at it, the easier it actually becomes and when your relationship is healthy, it doesn’t feel like work at all…it becomes natural and something you look forward to doing.  Here is a list of things that have helped us keep the fireworks in our marriage for the past 13 years, even with a house full of kids! 

How to Keep the Fireworks In Your Marriage When Raising Young Children

          1. PRAY FOR YOUR SPOUSE.

Praying for you and your spouse daily is absolutely necessary in order to keep the fireworks in your marriage.  As I mentioned before, Satan is determined to tear apart anything and everything that God put together!  He is after your marriage, because if he can destroy your family unit, he will likely have easier access to your children too.  I highly encourage you to pray specific prayers that are personalized to you and your husband’s needs daily, however for the sake of this blog post, I want to focus our attention today on praying over your husband’s heart and mind and praying over the unity of your marriage.  Get in a habit of starting your day praying for your husband and your marriage.  Always begin by thanking God for your husband and then pray the Word of God over him. 

God’s Word says, “So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; It will not return to Me empty, but it will accomplish that which I desire, and will succeed in the thing for which I sent it.” Isaiah 55:11

When we pray scripture over our spouse, we are effectively praying the mind and will of God, as revealed in His Word, into our marriages!  Here is a list of scriptures that I challenge you to pray over your husband daily and post them in your prayer closet.

• Father, give my husband the mind of Christ, saturate it with godly wisdom. Help him to take every thought captive that is not in obedience to Your Word, and in so doing protect him from pride and temptation. (1 Corinthians 2:16, 2 Corinthians 10:5) 

• Father, open the eyes of my husband’s heart to understand Your Word, so that he won’t be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of his mind so that he may know Your good, acceptable and perfect will for his life and our marriage. (Romans 12:2)

• Father, help my husband to trust in You with all his heart, not depending on his own understanding, but acknowledging You in all his ways, so he knows what direction our family should take. (Proverbs 3:5-6) 

• Father, help us to live together in perfect unity by loving, honoring and respecting one another and serving each other for Your glory, honor and praise! (1 Thessalonians 5:13)

There are so many great books and resources now available that are filled with powerful prayers to pray over your husband and marriage.  Fervent, by Priscilla Shirer and Proverbs 31 Ministries are both great resources for finding specific scriptures to pray over your spouse and marriage.  (The prayers above came from Proverbs 31 Ministries.)

2. MAKE SEX AND INTIMACY A PRIORITY.

Listen, I’m a mother of four little ones all under the age of 8 years old, so I know better than anyone how hard it is to make sex and intimacy a priority!  I totally get it!  I’m going to try to tackle this portion of advice as PG Rated as I can, because I know my mother and grandmother will be reading this! (insert laugh emoji here!) 

Gone are the days where I surprise my husband at the door in lingerie or where spontaneous make-out sessions occur on the couch daily.  Instead, he is now greeted by a house full of children, oftentimes all jumping, tugging, squealing, and fighting over his attention!  We now have to be a little more creative and a lot more intentional about making sex and intimacy a priority.

When you have young children in the home, sex and intimacy often get pushed aside and become more of a marital duty at the end of the day.  The problem with that is that many days...okay, most days... you are left feeling completely exhausted!  As you roll into bed with your messy bun, you are feeling far from sexy after having worn your comfy yoga pants for the 3^rd day in a row with that favorite tee that still smelled like the baby’s spit up from the day before!  Intimacy isn’t always easy when you have young children, but it is necessary to keep the fireworks in your marriage!  Don't ever get so busy that you fail to make your husband feel wanted and desired.  Instead of waiting until the end of the day, find creative ways to be intimate during the day!  Send flirty text messages to your husband during the day or lean in for that kiss on his neck when you greet him after work.  There are plenty of intimate gestures that are appropriate with children around that can be playful and exciting.  Don’t allow your sex life to become boring and non-existent when you have children.  Be creative and keep it interesting! 

Be physical as often as possible!.  Physical intimacy doesn’t always have to lead to sex and honestly, it shouldn’t!  I am a naturally physical person, so I usually can’t keep my hands off of my husband!  If we are together, you are most likely going to see us holding hands, touching legs, hugging, or having our arms around each other.  It’s now a natural thing that we just do unconsciously, but there was a time when we had to work on being affectionate in order to keep the spark in our marriage.  Always be looking for opportunities to be intimate and physical with your spouse. 

3. MAKE ALONE TIME WITH YOUR SPOUSE A PRIORITY.

In order to keep the fireworks in your marriage, you HAVE to make time for just the two of you!  Your husband should be your absolute best friend and you should never allow anyone else to take that role away from your spouse.  Friends NEED time together, so I encourage you to date your mate at least once a month.  If you don’t have family in town to watch your children, find someone from your church or a neighbor that would be willing to give you and your husband a break for a night.  This time with just the two of you is vital in a relationship.  This time should be used to reconnect both physically and emotionally!  Talk about life, dream about the future, tell each other your secrets, and laugh together!  Do things that you both enjoy and take turns in participating in each other’s hobbies or interests.  Try new things or go to your favorite dinner spot from your days before marriage…just be intentional!

For us, once a month isn’t near enough, so we often close our door and lock it!  Yes, even with four small children in the house!  There are times when that conversation can’t be put off until bedtime or when those plans can’t wait until date night, so our children know that when Mom and Dad lock the bedroom door, that’s our special alone time.  We like to make a game out of it sometimes to see how long we can escape before the kids actually realize the door is locked!  It’s nice to get that time together, even if for just a few minutes, to snuggle a bit, have a conversation, or just have some quiet time together…and if you are feeling especially adventurous, do something more!

Time alone is very important for Nathan and I.  Since having children, we have always made it a priority to put our kids to bed early.  Aside from vacations and special occasions, our children hardly ever stay up later than 8:30.  This allows us two hours of alone time each evening to connect!  We love to watch our favorite shows together or sit out on the patio next to the fire pit.  We cherish our evenings as a family, but I'm not gonna lie...this is often our favorite part of the day!  Getting that time to unwind and just be together is always so refreshing and we look forward to that time together.

Whether it’s regular date nights, watching your favorite shows together, snuggling on the couch, or locking yourself in your room…make it a priority in your marriage to spend alone time with each other.  It’s necessary if you want to keep the fireworks!

4. GET INVOLVED WITH YOUR HUSBAND’S HOBBIES AND CAREER.

My husband LOVES to golf!  When we first got married, it used to hurt my feelings that he enjoyed golfing with his buddies.  He worked all week and for some reason, I expected his love for me to be so intense that he would want to spend every available moment with me…and only me!  Well, it’s a good thing that The Lord gave me a good dose of wisdom regarding this matter, because I needed it!

When you allow, or better yet, encourage your husband to participate in the hobbies that he enjoys, it will ignite fireworks in your marriage.  It helps remove the nagging and resentment in your relationship.   Your husband will be more likely to reciprocate his appreciation for your encouragement of his hobbies by making the most of your time together. 

We all have an activity that allows us to decompress…whether that’s golfing, fishing, scrolling through Facebook, or reading.  If we deprive our spouse of this activity, it can often cause frustration, resentment, and bitterness.  Don’t open this door for the enemy!  He will have a hay day with it!  Instead, encourage it in moderation and if possible, do it together at times! 

When your spouse sees you taking an active role in the things that are important to him, it will bring an element to your relationship that produces fireworks!  This applies not only to his hobbies, but his career as well.  Get to know his daily accomplishments at work and praise him for those successes!  You should be your husband's number one supporter!  It's also important to find out his frustrations about the job and problem solve with him and pray for him in those areas.  Encourage him often with words of affirmation.  Men may not be the best at opening up and communicating how much they appreciate your active involvement and genuine interest in the things that are important to them, but trust me...your husband will look to you as his greatest confidant when he sees that he has not only your love, but your respect as well.

Be a source of encouragement for him and refrain from nagging.  The Bible says it best in Proverbs 21:9.  “It’s better for a man to live alone in a corner of the attic than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”

Learn to encourage him in his interests and take an active role!

5. COMMUNICATE OFTEN AND FOR HEAVENS SAKE…BE DIRECT! 

Communication is vital in any relationship, but it is absolutely necessary in order to keep the fireworks in your marriage.  Tell your husband how you feel and be direct.  Never send subliminal messages to your husband!  Men do not read in between the lines, so just be direct!  Don’t insinuate things, suggest things, hint at things, or anything else of the like!  Instead, communicate clearly.  Tell your husband exactly what is on your mind but be gentle in how you speak to him.  I recently came across this prayer in a blog that I read and I thought it was worth sharing. 

Lord, grant us Your wisdom when addressing difficult subjects. Let us see and hear the other’s heart with the spiritual wisdom that You freely give. Teach us to speak truth to each other in love. As we navigate these days together, let our words and actions toward the other be compassionate, humble, patient, gentle, and kind. (Scripture References: James 1:5; Ephesians 1:18, 4:15; Isaiah 11:2; Colossians 3:12) 

Talk with your spouse often and be a good listener.  Men often struggle with communicating their feelings.  Don't push your husband to open up the way you do.  Learn to be patient and hear his heart.  My husband can be a man of few words, but when he speaks I try to always stop what I'm doing and really listen because his words are either full of wisdom or he's seeking my advice, approval, or support in a specific area of our lives.  

Here' some wisdom for you on the topic of communication...and this is free!  There will be times in your marriage where you need to address an issue with your husband, whether it's something he's done that has upset you or you disagree.  Men can tend to have one of two responses if they feel like they are being "attacked" or nagged...passive aggressive behavior or defensive behavior.  Passive aggression makes it very difficult to talk out a problem because he will usually disengage in the conversation and just walk away to remove himself from the ambush.  If he becomes defensive, he may argue his way out of the conversation, often saying things in response that only makes the situation worse.  Both of these responses can usually be avoided if you simply give your husband some time to think about his response, so bring up the issue and then set a time to come together to discuss it, either later that day or the next day.  This has been a great communicating strategy for us because it helps us avoid heated discussions and instead allows us to come together to solve disagreements in a respectful and loving manner.  It's a whole lot easier for a marriage to keep the fireworks when you aren't arguing and fighting. (And for goodness sakes, if you do argue, be respectful!  NEVER speak down to your husband or about your husband...not to your mother, not to your friends, not to anyone!  There is nothing worst to a man than being put down by those he loves most...especially in a public setting.  Just don't do it...even if he is in the wrong.  Respect is typically his number one need and if he catches wind that you are talking down about him to others, it's a sure fire way of killing the fireworks show in your marriage.)

When you are open with your spouse and feel comfortable sharing anything and everything with him in love, it connects you on a much deeper level and the sparks will never dim. 

I know I’m not an expert on marriage and I’m sure many of you have been married much longer than I.  However, these are some nuggets of wisdom that I have learned along the way.  I pray that God will use my words to encourage other moms who may be feeling disconnected from their husbands and feeling a little discouraged.  No marriage is ever too far gone for God to restore what was lost.  If your marriage has lost the fireworks that were once there, I have full confidence that God can and will restore the passion!  He is faithful!  If you find this post helpful and encouraging, I would love for you to share this with your friends and family.  I know God lead me to write this for a purpose and I trust it will touch those that need to hear it most.  

Love you friends and Happy 4^th of July!!!  Now go find your guy tonight and kiss under the fireworks! XOXOXO

Mary