Who Are You Following?

Who are you following?  Over the summer, I did a Bible study with my older daughters and a group of their friends called, “Who Are You Following?  Pursuing Jesus in a Social Media Obsessed World.”  I thought it would be a great study to prepare their hearts before I begin to give them some access to certain social media platforms (which it certainly was).  What I wasn’t expecting is how it exposed my heart and brought me to my knees time and time again.  My heart’s greatest desire is to live a life that pleases the Lord.  He is my greatest love and although I know I can never repay Jesus for what He has done for me, all I want to do in my life is to serve Him whole-heartedly, love Him intimately, obey him faithfully, and honor Him with my words and actions.  Why then, did I find myself get so far off track?

Let me back up.  I have loved Jesus my entire life.  I jokingly tell people I was practically born on the second pew in church because my parents had me in church since the first Sunday after I came home from the hospital.  Unless we were sick on a rare occasion or out of town for our annual vacation, my parents prioritized God’s house and had us there for weekly services every Sunday morning and Sunday night,  arriving early for Sunday school every Sunday morning, had us there every Wednesday night for mid-week services no matter how busy their day may have been, and many times, had us there on week nights for revival services, not just to check off their religious checklist, but because they saw the importance and value of listening and learning God’s Word and soaking in His presence in order to grow in our relationship with Jesus.  I can remember at 7 years old, driving home from church and thinking, “I love Jesus so much and I know I live for Him, but have I actually been saved yet?”  He was so much a part of my DNA because of the way my parents raised me, but I remember the moment I stopped and prayed and asked Jesus into my heart because I wanted to make sure that I was born again and ready for heaven.  Shortly after that, I was baptized, and not long after that, I was filled with the Holy Spirit, and my personal relationship with Jesus began to grow.  Jesus has been my friend, my comforter, my healer, my counselor, my deliverer, and I learned to obey His voice at a young age.  Through every season of my life, I have witnessed His goodness and can confidently say, He has been so faithful.  

Fast forward to becoming a new mom.  Sixteen years ago, I can vividly remember holding my brand-new baby girl and as I stared and studied her perfect little face and fingers, tears flooded my eyes as I was completely overwhelmed with the goodness of God.  The realization and understanding of the gift the Lord just placed in my arms and in my responsibility broke me in a way that exposed my very need for Jesus like never before.  Before I became a mother, I loved Jesus and I served Him, but motherhood exposed my need for Him every single day like I had never acknowledged before.  I can remember distinctly all four moments (and even with our foster children) that I held each of my children and with tears dripping down my cheeks, thanked the Lord for such a precious gift and I committed them to the Lord and vowed to raise these babies for Him.  

As a new mother (x4), I can remember praying and asking the Lord for wisdom and guidance because the initial weight of the responsibility to not only keep these babies alive was heavy, but knowing I had been chosen to the be the shepherd of their hearts was a weight that felt like too much at times.  The thought of any of my children not serving the Lord still brings tears to my eyes, increases my heart rate, and turns my stomach.  It’s truly been my greatest mission in life since they were babies to not just teach our children about His Word, but to shepherd their hearts in a way that breeds intimacy with Jesus.  I want them to know Him, long for Him, know His voice, and trust Him all the days of their life.  

God’s Word has been my lifeline through this journey.  Next to salvation, the Holy Spirit has been the best gift Jesus has ever given me, and God’s Word is the next best gift!  How do people even survive without these two precious gifts in life!?  

Fast forward again to this summer’s Bible study.  Sadie Robertson came out guns blazing in Chapter 1 of her book, “Who Are You Following?”  Read and meditate on these four excerpts below:

“How quickly we can end up somewhere we never intended to go if we aren’t paying close attentionto who we are following!”

“Perhaps we’ve forgotten the first step of following someone or something: determining where we want to go.”

“Often, we don’t intend to see the things we see, think about the things we end up thinking about, spend the hours we spend, or even buy the things we buy.  We just weren’t paying attention to who we were following.  The problem is, we don’t know who we are, what we want, or where we are going.  We might have had a vague idea, but we weren’t intentional about following the people who knew how to get us there, or we got distracted and forgot what we wanted in the first place.”

“It might not happen overnight, but in time you will start to look like who you follow.”

Sadie Robertson may have been talking about how following the wrong people on social media can lead you so far from your destination if you aren’t careful, but the Holy Spirit was using her words to expose how I got off track from where I wanted to go because I was following the wrong people and surrounding myself with people who were going to a different destination.  I allowed myself to get distracted from my most important mission and started chasing after something that took me off the path God had for me and my family.  Lord, forgive me and help me always stay sensitive to the nudgings of the Holy Spirit as He is always trying to lead me and get me back on the right path.  Perhaps this book was more for me than my girls? Perhaps the Holy Spirit wanted to guard my heart from having another “How did we get here!?” moment.  

You see, God’s Word is filled with commands and invitations to follow Jesus.  As Christ followers, we should do our best to obey all the commands, but I love how even Jesus’ disciples asked Him at times what commandment is the most important.  To which Jesus replied, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.” (Matthew 22:37-38).  Do you ever do that?  Do you have moments where you think you are failing miserably at walking out this Christian life, so you ask Jesus to help you do what’s most important to Him…as if it’s easier to follow Him if you focus in on just one or two commandments, versus allowing God’s Word to completely transform us into being more like Jesus?  Do you do the same with your children?  Do you have a list of hopes, dreams, expectations, and prayers for your own children?  Of course you do.  We all do.  I can remember holding my babies when they were born, and my heart was filled with prayers over them.  The list only grows as they get older.  From being healthy, happy, having Godly relationships, to desiring them to be kind, responsible, and filled with the fruits of the spirit.  We want them to excel in school, in sports, serve others, and work hard.  Let’s not forget we want them to be good stewards of what the Lord blesses them with, use their talents for the Lord, obey their parents, be the hands and feet of Jesus, and find a Godly spouse someday.  I’m sure there are times our kids come to us just like Jesus’ disciples came to Him and they want to know, “Mom, Dad...I know you want all of these things for me, but what’s the most important thing I can do to please you?”  

Just as our children desire to please their parents, as Christ followers, our heart’s desire should be to please our heavenly Father.  His plans for us are good.  He sees the beginning from the end, and He desires so much more for us than what we could ever think or imagine.  He knows there is an evil one in this world that has come to steal, kill, and destroy the plans He has for you.  So out of His goodness and love for us, He has given us everything we need to fulfill all the plans He has for us.  He gave us the Holy Spirit, He has given us His Word to transform us, and He has clearly told us what’s most important for those who have chosen to leave everything and follow Him.

“Seek FIRST the kingdom of GOD and His RIGHTEOUSNESS, and ALL these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33)

“You shall LOVE the LORD your God with ALL of your HEART, and with ALL your SOUL, and with ALL your MIND.  This is the first and greatest commandment.” (Matthew 22:37-38)

“ABOVE ALL ELSE, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23)

Look at the those first three words in that last verse…ABOVE ALL ELSE.  As a mother, there are so many things I desire for my kids.  However, my “above all else” desire is for them to love Jesus with all of their heart.  I want them to pursue Him more than anything else, and never compromise their faith and convictions for something this world offers.  Bottom line.  That’s my greatest desire.  That’s the final destination I am pursuing as a mother!  If that’s where I desire to lead my children, I need to make sure I’m following people that are going there too, or I may take the wrong turn and end up somewhere completely foreign from where my original destination was!  It doesn’t matter how good of intentions I have, if I don’t focus on my “ABOVE ALL ELSE” desire, my other desires can easily take me down the wrong road.  And can I be transparent with you for a moment?  I allowed myself to get distracted and didn’t even realize it until I heard my husband and I trying to convince our son why he needed to go to his sports practice instead of church and my son in tears, responded in frustration and confusion and called us out respectfully when he stated, “You have always taught me to put God first.  When did that change?”

Ouch!  You guys, when I heard his words, it literally felt like I got punched in the gut.  It took my breath away and I began to weep.  What began as the rare exception turned into a habit.  I felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit immediately and I knew I had failed to do the most important thing as a parent…guard the hearts of my kids and seeking the Kingdom of God first.  How in the world did I get so far from my original destination that I found myself trying to justify and convince my son why he shouldn’t go to church even though he felt like that’s where God wanted him to be?  I was trying to silence the voice of God in his life.  Well, when I read Sadie Robertson’s words in her devotion, I knew exactly how we got there.  

“How quickly we can end up somewhere we never intended to go if we aren’t paying close attentionto who we are following!”

“Often, we don’t intend to see the things we see, think about the things we end up thinking about, spend the hours we spend, or even buy the things we buy.  We just weren’t paying attention to who we were following.  The problem is, we don’t know who we are, what we want, or where we are going.  We might have had a vague idea, but we weren’t intentional about following the people who knew how to get us there, or we got distracted and forgot what we wanted in the first place.”

                  I certainly didn’t ever intend to teach my kids to prioritize sports over their relationship with Jesus, but I got distracted and forgot what we wanted as parents in the first place.  I failed to pay attention to who I was following.  I know this is not a popular thing to say, but friends, youth sports have become a modern-day god and I’ll be so bold to say I believe youth sports has become a glamorized form of child abuse in some organizations.  The Holy Spirit has exposed to me how the world was contending for the hearts of my children and the enemy used sports to lure their hearts from God.  As the gatekeeper of their hearts, my husband and I didn’t even notice it!  We thought we were stewarding their gifts and talents.  With good intentions to just surround them with great coaches and trainers, we started looking at other parents who had talented athletes and began to follow their advice, team/organization recommendations, training regimens, and practice/games schedules in order to help our kids grow in their gifts and become the best athletes they could be.  Our intentions were good.  We just never intended on getting so sucked into the rat race of youth sports that we would compromise the hearts of our kids in the meantime.  We started following families that were going places we never had intended to go.  It’s never been a goal of ours to have kids earn scholarships for sports, go pro, or play for the best teams in the state.  We just wanted to see our kids have fun, be active, learn valuable life lessons about perseverance, discipline, hard work, and teamwork, all while becoming the best they could be.  However, in the process, we allowed our competitive nature and our desire to win and be the best cause us to compromise what the Lord had entrusted to do as parents and for us, that was to raise our children to, “Seek first the kingdom of God!”  

There will always be something in life contending for our time, attention, and affection.  Whether you are 8 or 88 years old or somewhere in between, we must guard our hearts above all else and seek first the Kingdom of God!  We must settle it in our hearts who we want to be, where we want to go, and who we will serve, and then be diligent to stay on the right path.  And as parents, we must teach our kids how to prioritize their faith in a world that’s competing for their affection.  Please don’t hear what I’m not saying.  I know a lot of God-fearing and Jesus-loving people whose children play competitive sports.  I’m just asking you to count the cost and shepherd their hearts to a genuine relationship with Jesus.  "For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world yet loses his soul?" Matthew 16:26.  Is Jesus first in their life?  Are they seeking the Kingdom first?  Are they guarding their hearts from worldly gods.  Are they leaving margin in their schedules for corporate worship and rest?  The Holy Spirit is our guide.  He knows my children more than me.  He sees the spiritual traps that await my children when they remain hidden to my eyes.  In an effort to protect my kids, I lean on the Holy Spirit to lead me and guide me as I raise my children.  The Holy Spirit has consistently convicted me to prioritize being in God’s house every opportunity.  Hebrews 10:25 exhorts us to, “Don’t give up meeting together (in corporate worship), as some are in the habit of doing, but encourage one another all the more as the Day approaches.”  For us, the conviction to have our children faithfully attend church runs deep.  If we chose to ignore those convictions in order to propel their chances for a college scholarship or to be on a better team, I’m certain my kids’ spiritual walks would be compromised due to my disobedience to walk out that personal conviction.  Obedience comes at a cost too.  One of the proudest and hardest moments as a mom was the day my son came to me and told me he wanted to take a break from competitive sports because he didn’t like missing church.  It makes me sad that he had to even make that decision.  I played competitive sports all my life and apart from a couple tournaments a year, I never had to choose between sports and being faithful to church.  That’s not the case anymore and it’s sad.  I’m grateful for the leagues and coaches that have given my children space for growth while still allowing our kids to prioritize their faith, health, and family.  There are teams out there, you just have to set some boundaries, ask coaches if they'll respect your convictions, and look hard to find those who will. 

 I’ll leave you with these two questions to ponder, “Who are you following?” and “Where are they leading you?” 

Determine where you want to go and then be intentional to lay out a path to get there.  Don’t get distracted and pulled off your course.  The enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy and he will entice you with good things.  Whether it’s sports, careers, friendships, hobbies, or fill in the blank…, these are all good things until they seek to steal the time you have set aside for the Lord each day/week.  Ask the Lord today, is this helping me get to the destination I desire to go.  For me, the answer was clear.  I pray the Holy Spirit makes it clear to you as well.  

 

 

 

Twenty Marriage Tips to Celebrate 20 Years

“I promise to be faithful to you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life.”  Nathan and I made that promise to one another twenty years ago today!  TWENTY YEARS!!!  I still remember the day like it was yesterday.  I was full of nervous excitement and couldn’t wait to marry my best friend and love of my life.  

I can honestly say, these past twenty years have been the BEST years of my life.  We have certainly experienced our “for better or worse, in good times and bad, in sickness and health” moments, but I’m thankful we chose to love each other through it all.  We’ve learned a lot about marriage, commitment, and growth during these past twenty years.  Some lessons were harder to learn than others and some took longer to learn than I’d like to admit.  The truth is, we still haven’t mastered marriage and we still ask the Lord daily to give us wisdom as we navigate this beautiful journey together.  We are always changing and growing.  Through it all, we have remained best friends and love each other more today than ever.  To celebrate this milestone anniversary, I thought it would be fun to compile a list of twenty marriage tips that we want to impart to our children in hopes it will strengthen their marriage someday.  In the meantime, maybe this will help a newlywed couple or even a seasoned couple that is seeking to make their marriage stronger moving forward. Regardless of how long you have been married, we should never become complacent.  Proverbs 1:32 warns us that “the complacency of fools will destroy them.”  Marriage is the closest comparison we have to our relationship with Jesus.  We are the bride of Christ.  May we all strive to have marriages that resemble Christ’s love.  I cherish the wisdom of our parents, mentors, teachers, counselors, and of course the Holy Spirit who is constantly refining us and teaching us how to love each other well.  These 20 marriage tips have certainly strengthened our marriage over the years.

1.     Make God the center and highest priority of your marriage.  Prioritizing God in our marriage means knowing him in our hearts and reflecting Him in our actions.  Acknowledging that although our marriage consists of two flawed individuals, there is a Greater One who binds us together and we must allow His Spirit to lead us in unity and in truth in order to accomplish all He had planned when He brought us together.  Learning to surrender our plans and our desires and to instead seek God’s will for our marriage and family has made our marriage stronger than ever.

2.     Pray for your spouse and marriage.  Don’t wait until there’s a problem to pray.  The current divorce rate states that 1 in 2 Christian marriages end in divorce.  However, for couples that pray at least 5 minutes together daily, the divorce rate is 1 in 1100.  Our marriage is worth praying for together!  It may be awkward at first, but your marriage is worth it!  Pray scriptures over your spouse and call things forth as if they were so.  The Word works!  Pray the Word over your needs, your children, your finances, and your relationship!  Your marriage is worth it.  Nathan and I have come a long way in this area over these past 20 years!  I’ll never forget the first time I had an anxiety attack and asked Nathan to pray for me.  When I asked, “Will you pray for me?”  He said, “Sure” so I closed my eyes and waited…and waited…and waited.  I finally looked up and said “I need you to pray for me now.  I’m having anxiety and I need peace.”  He told me he was praying and I said, “No, I need you to pray for me out loud right now and lay hands on me.”  He did and you know what…peace came!  His prayer wasn’t eloquent.  It wasn’t long.  It wasn’t rehearsed.  It didn’t matter.  God heard and God answered.  I’m so grateful for the growth that happened over the years and it’s no longer awkward!

3.     Communicate Clearly what you like and dislike.  Don’t assume your spouse knows.  He/She can’t read your mind.  It is our nature to want to please those we love.  Clear communication increases the frequency of desired behaviors.  My love language is physical touch and words of affirmation so when my husband shows love to me in that way, it’s not uncommon for me to tell him how much I love his physical affection or handwritten notes.  The more I tell him what I like, the more he does it and vice versa.  This doesn’t just apply to love languages.  I also appreciate it when Nathan is honest and tells me if he doesn’t like something.  I’ll never forget when our kids were young, the kids were always so excited to see Daddy and when he’d walk in the room, they’d all yell, race to daddy, and fight over who could get in his arms first.  I always thought it was adorable and proof of what a great dad he was.  I would often use that moment to pick up the house from all the toys and clutter that four kids can cause in a day, finish up dinner, or shower for the day.  However, Nathan opened up that after a long day of work, he really needed home to be a place where he was welcomed with peace.  He explained to me that having a clean home with quiet kids was more important to him than having a homecooked meal.  As a busy mom who constantly felt like I wasn’t measuring up because I literally couldn’t do it all, this was like finding a nugget of gold!  I may not be able to do it all, but after he told me what he needed, I made sure to set a timer so that about 15 minutes before Dad was to come home from work, the kids and I would run around like crazies picking everything up and lighting a candle to help create a relaxing environment.  I would remind them to not scream when Dad got home and would often start them on a quiet activity so that Dad could come greet them and have a moment to decompress for the day.  This meant the world to Nathan and he always expressed his appreciation that I took note of what he communicated.  Plus, it took the pressure off of me of trying to live up to all the expectations I had placed on myself.  To hear that my husband appreciates a good meal, but would prefer a clean house helped me prioritize the needs of my husband and love him well.  He does the same for me when I communicate clearly.  This is important in the bedroom too.  Let each other know what you like and dislike!  It will make your marriage stronger!  Most offenses that are taken in marriages are due to a lack of communication about unmet expectations.  

4.     Meet each other’s sexual needs.  Ask your spouse what they need and how often they would like to have sex and share your needs and expectations…you may be surprised by what you learn!  If your needs are different, learn to compromise for one another.  Sex is a spiritual act that brings a couple into physical and spiritual unity unlike any other intimate act.  As designed by God in marriage, sex has the ability to heal, strengthen, and permanently bond a couple for life.  Never withhold love and affection as a form of punishment for your spouse.  Your spouse should never have to earn your affection.  That is an open door to the enemy and it will destroy a marriage.  I made up my mind years ago that no matter what, if my husband put out a bid for my affection, I would reciprocate and meet that need.  Our marriage is stronger than ever because of that one decision!  There were times I didn’t feel like it, whether I was tired, carrying an offense, or feeling insecure in my body, but when we come together as one, the Lord blesses that which He has brought together!  

5.     Give lots of grace.  We are human.  We make mistakes.  Unlike God, our spouses will let us down from time to time.  They will disappoint us and more often than not, it’s likely never intentional.  When this happens, give grace.  Try to respond in a way that you would want your spouse to respond should he be the one frustrated or hurt with something you did.  Learn to overlook wrongs and extend grace.  Forgive quickly and never hold grudges.  Don’t assume the worst about your spouse but see him/her through the eyes of the Father.  See their value and ask the Lord if addressing an offense will help or hurt your marriage.  If it isn’t going to add value to your marriage by addressing it, let it go.   

6.     Know your spouse’s love languages and learn how to give love in a way that fills their love bucket!  As I mentioned above, my love language is physical touch and words of affirmation.  Nathan could buy me gifts, take me on luxurious trips, make me a candlelight dinner, or spend every waking moment with me, but if he isn’t pulling me in close and telling me he loves me, I feel disconnected and unloved.  For years, I loved my husband the way I desired to be loved.  I was affectionate and affirming and it was obvious to everyone that I loved Nathan very much.  However, after 13 years of marriage, we went to see a marriage counselor and for the first time, we were asked to make a list of things our spouse does that makes us feel loved.  At the top of my list were things such as holding my hand, putting his arm around me, hugging and kissing me, telling me he loves me, etc.  When I read his list, I was shocked!  More than half of his list consisted of acts of service!  He feels loved when I create a peaceful environment for him, making him a warm bath, cooking him a meal, playing golf with him, planning golf outings for him with friends, etc.  All these years, I had been loving him the way I desired to be loved instead of giving him the love nuggets that he desired most.  I’m so thankful I have the rest of my life to love him through acts of service and quality time.  

7.     Set up healthy boundaries to protect your marriage.  Discuss what this may look like in your marriage.  Whether it’s boundaries with family, friends, work, or finances, boundaries provide protection.  The Bible is clear that Satan is prowling like a roaring lion, seeking those who he may devour.  None of us are off limits.  It’s important we aren’t caught off guard due to lack of boundaries.  No matter how innocent it may be, it’s a really bad idea to be alone with someone of the opposite sex.  Same with texting.  I know it’s not always possible with some careers, but for our marriage, we are committed to avoiding the very appearance of evil.  We want to live above reproach when it comes to protecting our marriage. 

8.     Be your spouse’s number one cheerleader in life!  Everything you say should either build up or cheer up your spouse.  Never speak insults to your spouse or degrade each other.  And by all means, NEVER PUT YOUR SPOUSE DOWN TO OR IN FRONT OF OTHERS!  Your spouse needs to have a partner that is cheering them on in life!  There’re enough haters in this world trying to tear us down.  In marriage, that isn’t so.  Your friends and family should only hear positive things about your spouse.  Do not jokingly insult your spouse in front of others either.  Brag on your spouse often, in public and in private.  Dream together and cheer each other on in life! 

9.     Set a mutual purchase limit and never buy anything over that amount without consulting and being in agreement.  This is just good wisdom in partnership.  Marriage is the joining of two people so our spending should be joint endeavors as well.  

10.  It’s better to wait on a decision until you are in unity.  Whether it’s a big decision or little decision, seek unity.  For those who are visionaries, this may be difficult.  In marriage, allow the Lord to confirm the vision to your spouse before moving forward.  God’s nature is to unify and never to bring confusion, so if there isn’t peace, clarity, or unity, it’s better to wait.  This proved to be a costly lesson in our marriage, but God’s mercies are new every morning.  We’ve learned over time that when we are self-seeking, it leads to division, but when we seek the Lord’s will, unity always comes.

11.  Date your mate often and take turns planning the dates!  Marriage should be fun whether you are newlyweds or been married for fifty years!  Several years ago, we made a list of what our top 10 dates would look like.  Then we started taking turns planning one of those dates every month.  When we made it through all of the ideas, we added some more, repeated some, or just planned a date the other person would really enjoy.  And date nights are not for discussing serious matters.  They should be fun and a time of reconnecting!  Also, I highly encourage you and your spouse to have overnight dates at least once a month.  If you don’t have family nearby to keep your children, consider trading off babysitting for another couple that you trust to keep your kids so that you can have that uninterrupted time together.  

12.  Be open and honest always.  Trust in marriage is vital.  Imagine a bathtub full of water, when trust Is broken in marriage, it’s like pulling the drain in the tub.  The water drains quickly and before you know it, the tub is empty much like a marriage without trust.  The only way to fill the tub back up is one drip at a time.  Trist isn’t something that can be poured into a marriage.  You can’t just refill the tub again over night.  It takes consistency for trust to build back up…one kept word at a time, one transparent conversation at a time, one love nugget at a time…one drip at a time.  Depending on how long the drain was pulled, it can take years to refill the marriage up with trust again, so be open and honest always.  Be transparent.  Don’t ever withhold information from your spouse in order to protect them.  Secrecy breeds distrust even when intentions are pure so be open with your spouse about everything.  

13.  Be a team and share responsibilities and recognize when each other need a break.  Marriage is not 50/50.  It is 100/100.  We are a team and share most roles.  Nathan obviously is the one who works outside of the home to earn our living and I stay home and take care of the home, educate the kids, and take care of the kids’ needs during the day.  However, when Nathan gets home of an evening, we are partners on the same team.  We teach and train our kids together, we share the responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, yardwork, paying bills, shopping for groceries, attending games, practices, etc.  We love doing life together and helping one another.  If I know Nathan has had a rough day or isn’t feeling well, I’m happy to take on some of the tasks that he typically does.  He does the same for me without hesitation.  Approaching marriage as a team rather than with individual expectations will allow you to better serve one another. 

14.  Serve in ministry together.  It’s okay to serve individually as well, but it’s important to find something you do together.  There is nothing more fruitful than serving the Kingdom together.  Give and it shall be given unto you.  The law of sowing and reaping is a Biblical principle that applies to marriage too.  When we serve others together with the purpose of growing the Kingdom, our marriages will be blessed!  There is nothing more attractive than to watch my husband serve the Lord and serve others like Jesus!  

15.  Prepare for change and love each other through it.  You will never be the same person you were when you were married.  We are all evolving, growing, maturing, and changing.  Embrace it and appreciate it.  When Nathan and I got married, I was the outgoing and confident one in our relationship. However, the older I get, my awareness of my weaknesses and my need for a Savior has humbled and quieted me quite a bit.   On the other hand, Nathan’s experience in business and customer service has developed his ability to communicate with anyone!  He’s no longer that quiet and timid kid that I married twenty years ago.  He’s still a man of few words but he has a quiet confidence about him now.  Wouldn’t it be a shame if I thought that man I married twenty years ago was already his best version of himself and resented the change and growth that has taken place since then?  As long as we have breath, we will forever be on the journey of transformation to becoming more and more like Jesus.  We will never arrive but we can keep learning and growing.  Don’t resent change.  Learn to embrace it and love your spouse through it. 

16.  Have fun together and laugh a lot!  I cherish every laugh line I have gained over these past twenty years!  Take up fun hobbies together, make each other laugh, be silly, dance, and don’t be too serious!  Enjoy life together and find the joy despite your circumstances!  

17.  Prioritize each other.  Your spouse comes before your kids, your work, your well-being, your family, your ministry…before everything…except for God!  Live your life in a way that it is evident to others that your spouse is your number 1!  That may mean being quick to answer or respond to each other’s calls and texts regardless of where you are or what you are doing because it sends a message to your spouse that they are important.  Teaching your children not to interrupt when the two of you are talking.  Not taking business calls during certain hours sends a message to your spouse that you value your time together more than money.  Having your children sleep in their own beds sends a message to your spouse that you prioritize intimacy with them over closeness to your children.  Our actions speak louder than words so make it evident that you prioritize your marriage by putting each other first.

18.  Communicate using “I” language.  Using accusatory speech puts our spouse on defense.  Using “I” language is a way to express your thoughts and feelings in an assertive, non-aggressive way that tends to make our spouse more willing to listen.  This is especially helpful for diffusing conflicts in a polite way.  It’s not only effective in marriage, but in all relationships!  I am still a work in progress in this area, but I have seen the difference it makes in our marriage.

19.  Be present.  You can be right next to your spouse, yet be so far away.  Be sure and connect with your spouse every single day for at least 15 minutes.  Don’t allow yourself to be distracted during this time.  Put your phone down, shut the door, turn the television off, whatever it takes…be present.  There are so many things competing for our time and attention so when we come together each day, let’s make that time count.  

20.  Remember, the devil is a liar.  Thoughts will come and thoughts will go, but thoughts that aren’t spoken or acted upon, will die void.  Satan loves to shout lies about our marriage, our spouse, and our life.  He loves for us to compare and compete so we will live in defeat.  Don’t fall into his traps.  If the grass looks greener on the other side, it’s time to water your own lawn!   His lies start as a thought, then become imaginations, only to become strongholds.  Learn to take the thoughts captive before they become strongholds!  The Word is our weapon.  

Arise Joshua! Arise Caleb! It's Time to Slay Some Giants!

My heart has been so grieved for America over the past few months, yet my spirit has been filled with great expectancy for our beautiful nation.  The attacks on our freedoms, our conservative values, and our personal character have been shocking.  Friends, what we are witnessing in our country is nothing less than a satanic attack. It is truly a war between good and evil and the deception runs so much deeper than I ever imagined.  

 

Big Tech is a tool and propaganda machine of Satan.  The censorship that we are witnessing of Christian and conservative voices is an attack on our freedoms, but even more than that, it is Satan’s desperate attempt to deceive as many as possible in the short time that he has left to roam this earth.  He is aware more than anyone that his time is limited.  

 

I have felt prompted over the past few months to be very careful and intentional when it comes to receiving my news and information.  The reports that I was seeing and hearing after the election were far from uplifting. It’s easy to feel hopeless and fearful when all you hear are the reports of COVID deaths, fraudulent votes, stolen elections, corrupt politicians and judges, courts refusing to allow evidence to be presented, Big Tech censorship, fake news, riots, and all of the opinions indicating that complete control of all three branches of government surely means the end to our democracy…due to the threat of court packing and the dismantling of our electoral college.  Despite all of the bleak reports surrounding me, there was and continues to be an overwhelming sense of peace in my spirit.  “Even when I don’t see it, He’s working.  Even when I don’t feel it, He’s working.  You never stop.  You never stop working.  Waymaker…that is who You are!”

As we faced one negative report after another, I couldn’t help but think of the Israelites.  The Lord promised Abraham that his descendants would dwell in the Promised Land, because Abraham was counted righteous and considered a friend of God.  Yet, the circumstances of a seven year famine that lead to Jacob’s family moving out of the Promised Land and into Egypt…eventually leading to over 400 years of slavery…certainly made Abraham’s descendants question God’s faithfulness.  It wasn’t until God sent the plagues to Egypt over 400 years later that God used Moses to lead His people out of slavery!  Their journey quickly went from a celebration of freedom to a very hopeless situation as they realized the Egyptian armies were making ground as they approached the Red Sea.  There came a moment when they realized there was no way to escape their enemies…death looked imminent as they were surrounded.  Right now, for many Christian and conservative Americans, it looks like we are surrounded by wickedness and our enemy is making good ground, closing in. BUT GOD!  

 

Just as the Lord split open the Red Sea to save His children then, He is still faithful to save His remnant today!  We don’t ever have to feel hopeless because our God is still capable of another Red Sea moment!  It may look like we are surrounded by Godless enemies, but if He will split the seas to save His people, He can surely save us from the Godless enemies that are set out to destroy the lives of those who profess to follow Jesus and obey His Word.  Be encouraged and let hope arise!

 

We can’t just sit back and wait for God to move, however.  The enemy would love nothing more than for God’s people to sit back for the next four years and do nothing while he roams the earth and pushes his anti-Christ agendas throughout the earth and especially throughout America, one nation under God!  We can’t just sit idly by and think a few desperate prayers will save our land.  It is time to put on the full armor of God, pray fervently, engage the Holy Spirit, and it’s time to go take possession of what God has promised us.  God has given us authority over demonic activity and we have been given dominion over everything in this earth.  We must line our words up with His Holy Word and not merely talk about what we see and feel! Stop talking about how you feel like we are taking one blow after another!  Instead, begin telling others that God knows the end from the beginning so He is not surprised by anything that has happened.  He has it all under control and He is on the move!  In His perfect timing, He will bring every hidden thing out into the light, justice will prevail, there will be a mighty move of His Spirit like never before, and Jesus is coming back soon!  The words we speak during this time will make or break us.

 

After God saved the Israelites from their Godless enemies, sadly only two young men entered the Promised Land!  Joshua and Caleb were righteous men who remembered the God of their ancestors.  The other Israelites were so moved by what they saw and felt, that they allowed their circumstances and feelings to move their hearts far from the God that delivered them out of Egypt.  Moses sent twelve men to explore the Promised Land once they were near and when they all returned, everyone reported about how the land was flowing with milk and honey and it had the best fruit of the land!  However, ten of the men reported about the giants that lived there and instilled FEAR into God’s people because all they talked about was how the giants were just too strong, too numerous, and too frightening to overcome. Because Joshua and Caleb knew the God they served was faithful, they trusted the Lord and focused on His promise rather than the problem.  They knew the same God that delivered them out of Egypt, provided food from the heavens, and split the Red Sea would be the God that went with them into the Promised Land and rescued them from the enemies within.  God gave them eyes to see beyond the physical.  What lense are you viewing the world from?  Are you viewing things through the lense of God’s Word and His promises or are you viewing your circumstances from the perspective of what you see, hear, and feel?  Whose report are you believing?  One will lead to death and one report will lead to a life of victory!  

 

We need the Joshua’s and Caleb’s to arise and we need to speak the report of the Lord!  His plans are still good!  His plans don’t change just because a new administration is in office. He is still good!  He is still faithful!  He is still moving!  He is still leading us!  He is still making a way when there seems to be no way!  He is still performing miracles.  He is still setting people free!  He is still protecting us!  He is still providing all of our needs!  He is still surrounding us with a shield of favor!  He is still going before us to prepare the way!  He has not forsaken our country!  He still knows the end from the beginning!  And He wins…therefore His people win!  It is written, therefore it is considered already done!  We don’t deny the fact that we are indeed facing some real giants, but we recognize that our God has given us the power, wisdom, and ability to defeat any giant the enemy puts before us in an attempt to keep us from God’s promises and plans!  Turn your phones and tv off, open up your Bibles, and report the good news instead of everything you may hear in the news and see on social media!  David defeated the giant with one stone and Joshua and Caleb defeated the giants with God’s help!  We will too!  We will defeat the giants of Big Tech.  We will defeat the giants of the anti-Christ agendas.  We will defeat the giants of the Jezebel spirit that is deceiving the masses.  We will defeat the giants of corruption.  We will defeat the giants that drive abortion.  We will defeat the giants that are trying to abolish God’s image of male and female and His design for marriage.  We will defeat the giants!  Do you believe that?!  When we put our trust in God, obey His Word, and listen to the right reports, faith will arise and we will be given everything we need to walk into our promise land!  Do you know what God has promised you?  Rise up Joshua!  Rise up Caleb!  Whose report will you believe?  Your land is plentiful and waiting to be claimed!  Don’t let an entire generation and future generations be robbed of God’s best simply because you believed the wrong reports!  Do not fear!  Ask the Lord to open your spiritual eyes so that you can see beyond the giants!  Give us eyes to see and ears to hear, Lord!  It’s time to slay some spiritual giants!      

 

 

 

 

 

New Season, New Purpose

 For the past several years, I have been grateful for the voice and platform that Facebook has given me.  In a season of life where my circle is small, I have appreciated the opportunity social media has given me to inspire, encourage, influence, and challenge many.  

As much as it saddens me to lost touch with so many through social media, I am confident that the Lord will use my blog to reach the ears of those that need to hear.  For those of you that don't want to miss a post, you can submit your email so that you receive updates letting you know when new posts are added.  

Thank you friends for sharing your life with me and being a part of mine!  Love you and looking forward to seeing how God moves in my life as I walk obediently in His path for me.  God bless you all!

Expectation vs. Reality...Encouragement for the New Homeschool Mom

As we all find ourselves homeschooling our children these days, I’d love to encourage you with some wise words that another homeschool mom encouraged me with during my first years of homeschooling.  

I love my children and I genuinely enjoy having them around.  Although not perfect, they are really good kids.  In the weeks and months leading up to homeschooling, I spent hours and even days planning, preparing, and imagining how our days would be structured. I imagined morning devotions around the breakfast table, long discussions about life and Biblical principles, everyone gathered around the table working quietly for a couple of hours a day, family walks with the dog, trips to the park, play time outside every day, everyone’s heads buried in good books, crafts and supplies spread out on the table, smiles and conversations about what we were learning about, trips to the library, surprise visits to Dad’s office, everyone pitching in to help with chores, life skills being learned, siblings building strong relationships and joyfully playing together, Mom having quiet afternoons to myself to read, scrapbook, or run errands, music lessons, worship music playing in the background, candles lit filing the house with wonderful aromas, and lots of baking taking place in the kitchen.  I had it all planned out and I was determined that all of the hard work would be worth it.

Then…life happened! Sure, there are days that look exactly like I had imagined and I’m so thankful for those days.  The good days are what keep me going.  But, I’m not gonna lie friends…there are hard days…really hard days.  I have cried, screamed, said things I regretted, doubted whether I was doing the right thing, threatened to send my kids back to school, imagined how “easy” life would be if I didn’t homeschool, had to ask my kids for forgiveness, questioned my abilities, admired from afar the lives of my other mom friends that spent their mornings at the gym and their afternoons having lunch dates with girlfriends or spouses and doing other fun things together while their kids were in school, and have been the best self-critic a girl could have!  I have seen my kids at their very best and I have seen them at their very worst.  There are days that my once compliant, obedient, loving, joyful, and respectful children have turned into whining, disobedient, rude, hateful, disrespectful, competitive, critical, and just downright rebellious punks!  Those are the days when I question it all!  I had prayed that God would use my time at home with my children to build character, impart Biblical truth in their hearts, and bring our family even closer together during these foundational years.  Honestly, if they learned to read and write, that was just going to be the icing on the cake.  I went into this with a mission to build spiritually mature warriors because I knew the enemy was after my seed and I wanted to teach them how to be alert to demonic forces, how to armor up and win spiritual battles, and equip them to be a light in a dark world!  

You can imagine my discouragement on the days that my kids had meltdowns like I had never seen before. Tears, tantrums, screaming, hitting, and ugly words.  There were days I felt like homeschooling my children was actually turning them into monsters!  There was one day in particular that I’ll never forget.  I was run down, beat up, discouraged, drained, exhausted, at my wits end, and ready to throw in the towel.  As someone who hates to be around “Debby Downers”, I rarely voice my frustrations with the world.  Not sure if it’s because my mama used to tell me, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” or if it’s because I know the power that our words have in the spiritual realm.  Whatever the reason, I tend to keep quiet about life’s problems and instead take my cares straight to the Lord.  However, this particular day, I turned to my community of homeschool moms and voiced my frustrations with them, shared with them my concerns about seeing such ugly character traits arising in my children, and confessed all of the doubts I was having.  Honestly, as soon as I sent the text, I regretted ever sending it because the enemy immediately filled my thoughts with all of the worst-case things they may think about me!  However, after only a few short minutes, a friend responded with what I believe was a word from the Lord, because it has forever changed my life.  Her words still play on repeat in my head on the hard days.  

I’d love to share her thoughts with you and I pray they encourage you as much as they have encouraged me.  I wish I had kept the text over the years so I could copy word for word, but I’ll paraphrase the best I can.

Homeschooling is not for the weak.  It is hard…really hard.  Instead of looking at your situation through the lens of how life would be easier if you sent your kids back to school, begin to thank the Lord for this opportunity to see a glimpse into the heart of your child.  Sure, if they were gone for seven hours each day, you may not be the one that has to deal with those heart issues, but just because you don’t see them, doesn’t mean they aren’t there.  They are. And what a gift you have been given to deal with those issues in these foundational years.  Could you imagine if those heart issues didn’t surface until they were teenagers?!  It’s hard to see the ugly parts of your child’s heart, but our Heavenly Father has called you and equipped you to be your children’s parent.  He has called and equipped you to teach them, train them, and educate them.  He longs for their heart and He is using YOU to reach the places of their heart that are not completely surrendered to Him.  What a gift you have been given.  Don’t be discouraged when you see the ugly parts of their heart surface. Be thankful for the opportunity to impart truth, show grace, and pray fervently for your child.  If you send them back to school, it may not be your problem anymore, but I can guarantee you, no one will take the time to win your child’s heart like you will.  No one. 

I pray you have more good days than bad, but on those hard days…let these words be on repeat in your thoughts and prayers.  You can do this!  You are equipped!  And friend, you have been chosen for such a time as this!  Love you, praying for you, and I’m hear for you if you need me!

Too Many Devotions and Not Enough Bread

Earlier this year, my daughter came to me and told me she really felt lead to read the entire Bible through in one year.  She was so eager to study God's Word and her discipline to read her Bible every single day has been inspiring.  As we saw her love for God's Word grow, we also introduced her to the YouVersion Bible app, which is an amazing Bible Study resource that I only wish I had as a child!  So, in addition to her Bible in a year plan, she also decided to start a devotion with her cousins, a mother daughter devotion with me, and then we do a family devotion together every night as well...all of which are amazing.

She came to me this weekend and explained that since she has started so many devotions with her family, it's harder to keep up with all of her Bible reading, so she was asking for my permission to quit the Bible in a year plan.  I explained to her how proud I was of her for developing a daily routine of spending time reading and studying God’s Word, but that she would need to pray and make that decision based on what she felt the Lord was leading her to do. 

In our conversation, I told her that the Lord is clear that we need to renew our minds in His Word every single day and feed our hearts and minds with His "Daily Bread", but that He doesn't tell us how much of His Word we should read everyday, so that was something she should pray about and ask Him for answers.  I felt prompted to explain to her that all of the devotions she has been reading are excellent tools to study scripture, but she needed to keep in mind that those devotions are typically about 5 minutes worth of man's interpretations and only one isolated scripture of Bible reading.  If she completes all 3-4 of her devotions, she is gaining some great insight into God's Word, but it is all open to human error since it's taught out of context and it is man's interpretation.  I suggested to her that it may be better to read God's Word 5-10 minutes every single day and forego the topical devotions if it was too much to keep up with because when we read the Word of God in full context, the Holy Spirit will bring fresh understanding and revelation to our hearts and minds.  Ultimately, I told her I would support whatever decision she felt lead to make because I love seeing her growing in God's Word!  

As I have reflected on that conversation, it made me recall a comment that one of our Sunday school teachers made a while back.  In addition to being a psychologist and theologian, he is also a college professor.  After teaching Bible courses to students from all over the world, he discovered that the majority of self-proclaimed Christians are Bible illiterates…I would totally include myself in this category!  After much research, he discovered that for the majority of Christians, their entire faith revolves around the 3 point sermons taught on Sundays that focus on one isolated scripture, often taught out of context.  

Do the math.  There are 52 Sundays in a year.  Let’s just say that if a person didn’t miss a Sunday sermon, by the time they are 20 years old, they will have only heard 1,040 sermons by the time they leave the nest.  Assuming they stay in church for the remainder of their lives, they would only hear approximately 5,200 scriptural teachings if they live to be 100 years old...and we all know many of those sermons are repeat teachings on the same scriptures!  Let’s just say they also did daily topical devotions that focused in on a different scripture each day.  365 devotions every year over the course of 20 years would still only be 7,300 scriptures read.  Over a 100 year lifetime, doing daily devotions would expose you to about 36,500 scriptures, but again, we know that many of those are repeat teachings so our exposure is actually less than that.  That sounds like a lot of scriptures, but there are a total of 31,102 verses in the Bible!!!  I can see how studying one scripture at a time is giving us (those of us who have grown up in church all of our lives) a false sense of knowing God’s Word, when in reality we are missing so much truth.  

God’s Word says my people perish because of a lack of knowledge.  I don’t know about you, but I want to teach my children habits that will set them up for success!  If I know a lack of knowledge will cause them to perish, I want to use the 20 years that I have influence on them to teach them as much of the Word as I can.  Just imagine the power of reading 31,000 scriptures every year for the next 10 years...that's 310,000 scriptures that are alive and active being planted into your heart and mind!  

So, how will I study the Bible moving forward and how will I teach my children to study God's Word?  Are we gaining all of our knowledge of God's Word through other people's interpretations and by studying isolated scriptures?  Don't get me wrong...I have gained great insight and have learned SO much through great Bible teachers, books, devotions, and Bible studies.  However, I wonder how much more we would know Jesus and how much more victory we would have in our lives if we prayerfully opened up the Bible and read the living and active Word of God for ourselves.  Just something I have been convicted of over this weekend.  I don't think we need to toss out all of our devotions, but I pray you are challenged to seek the Lord and ask Him to give you personal understanding and revelations as you open your Bible and read the living and active Word of God for yourself.  The Holy Spirit is and will always be our best teacher.  

My Toxic Thoughts and Habits of 2019

Happy New Year friends!!! 

As I reflected all day (yesterday) on 2019, I have experienced a flood of emotions!  Trials, Peace, and Faithful…those are the words that come to mind to describe my year.  Our family has faced many trials this year in our health, yet through it all, we experienced God’s peace and His presence like never before.  Tears flow as I think about the goodness of God.  It’s hard to find words to describe.  I have walked out this year in the kind of peace that the Bible describes as “peace that passes all understanding.”  However, today, it’s as if I am experiencing the raw emotions of all that we faced for the first time…months later!  How does that even happen!?  I don’t know if it’s just the enemy trying to stir up anxiety or if I have suppressed these emotions all year long without even realizing it, but today has been hard.  It’s almost as if the Lord peeled back a mask that has been covering up thoughts and emotions and He exposed things I wasn’t even aware of.  Here’s what I have learned…

As most of you know, we came so close to losing my sweet mom earlier this year.  It’s a miracle that she survived.  From the moment that my Dad called me that afternoon on April 18^th, it has literally felt like I have had an out of body experience. Nothing about that day or weeks following felt normal.  You guys know that my mom is a pillar in our family.  She has many roles in my life, but to just list a few…mom, friend, helper, encourager, advisor, counselor, babysitter, intercessor, cheerleader, giver, listener, teacher, leader, and hero…yeah, I know that’s more than a few, but those all make the top of the list!  To have come so close to losing all of those roles in my life, you would expect my “normal” reaction would have been to fall apart and be beside myself!  However, because of God’s tangible presence, I was so calm…so confident in His Word and promises…and so far removed from the reality of the circumstances.  

In the weeks and months following her miracle, there were fearful and anxious thoughts that would try to creep into my mind, but I recognized that knock and replaced those thoughts with truth and God’s Word.  I refused to dwell on the “what if’s” because I’ve been there, done that, and it kept me in bondage for years!  I wasn’t about to allow Satan to take me there again.  Again, peace covered me.  Although the Lord was faithful to give me peace in those hard and difficult situations, He showed me today some toxic thought patterns and habits that I unknowingly took on this year and as I have faced these realities head on today, I have experienced a rollercoaster of emotions!  

Here are a couple of the toxic thought patterns and habits that I adopted this year without even being aware of it fully until today:

1.    We are not guaranteed tomorrow, so live today like it’s your last.  

2.    Invest in the relationships that matter

Those sure didn’t seem like toxic thoughts when I had them earlier this year, but unfortunately, after having time to reflect on how those thoughts impacted my living this year, they were very toxic.  

For the past 3 years, I have been on a journey to improving my health.  Over 3 years, I have lost nearly 100lbs.  This year, I gained 30 of those lbs. back.  When I was working on my health, I had to learn to say no to the things that would stunt my progress.  There were times I felt isolated, lonely, and felt like I was missing out.  When I almost lost my mom this year, I was so thankful that the Lord spared her life.  I didn’t want to miss out on another opportunity to spend time with her, fellowship with her, or enjoy her company.  Life seemed so precious to me and I wanted to live life to the fullest.  I felt compelled to invest more time with not only her, but with all of my loved ones and friends.   I found myself reaching out more often to friends and family members and taking the time to get together more frequently.  And you know what…in the world we live in, fellowship = food!  This year, I can truly tell you my heart is full from the movie dates, brunch dates, lunch dates, dinner dates, vacations, adventures, play dates, road trips, Bible studies, connect nights, parties, date nights with my husband, and day dates with the kids. I genuinely invested time into the relationships that matter in my life.  Unfortunately, my heart wasn’t the only thing full…so was my belly!  Somewhere along my journey to cherishing life, I forgot to cherish my health. 

This year, with the Lord’s help, I am going to try to learn how to balance a healthy lifestyle with a happy and fulfilled life.  I don’t want to sacrifice my relationships for my health, nor do I want to sacrifice my health for relationships.  Surely, there is a happy and healthy place in the middle!  I am so thankful for all that the Lord did in 2019 and I am grateful that He allowed me to walk into the new year with fresh revelation.  I know He has more good things in store for our family this year and I’m grateful to have Him walking me through it day by day. 

As we begin a new year, I want you to know that I love you and I am praying blessings over you and your family in 2020!  May this be a year of fulfilled promises in your life!  God bless you all!  Love and Hugs!  Here’s to a new year and a new healthier me!